“What the fuck!” My dad hollers, dropping the glass on the asphalt, the glass shattering in all directions. The black roses lay on the ground, surrounded by the shards, the perfect centerpiece for a funeral.
I imagine my burial, Drew and Charlie pinning to be the front pallbearers, clamoring for my empty body once my soul transcends upward. Bickering in their accents, making a scene in front of the entire procession. But maybe then I’d finally get some goddamn peace and quiet for once. Who knows, maybe the afterlife wouldn’t be so terrible. I could pick up crocheting… or pickleball to pass the time.
“He’s needs an epi-pen!” Drew screams like a banshee, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.
Hah. First time I’ve ever seen Drew Evans cry. And I won’t even get to tease him about it. That’s the cruel thing about dying—so many unspoken truths go untold. A blessing and a curse.
My lungs exhale a final wheeze, my vision turning black as I let myself rest. I faintly sense Drew’s talons attempting to shake my body, a few desperate pats on my sternum, as if chest compressions would reverse anaphylaxis.
I guarantee that man has never taken a first aid course in his life. However, it’s a sweet gesture, attempting to bring me back with his fruitless efforts.
He really does love me…
But the warm fuzziness of the oblivion is calling, singing sweet melodies of tranquility. Lullabies calming me like I’m a babe in a cradle, rocking my head back and forth. My mother’s voicewhispering sweet ambrosia to my ears:It’s okay. Everything will be okay baby boy. Just rest now. You’ve been so strong. You deserve to be at peace.
I take a step forward. A stairwell of cloud mist appears in front of me with a golden gate at the peak. Birds chirp in harmonic song, fluttering in the air, chattering my name.Austin… Join us. Be free.
That sounds so nice. How can I resist? I wouldn’t even have to go to the wedding. That’s the real treat right there. Avoid my problems, even in death. I can’t say no to that offer.
But then the spitting image of Charlie pops into the step above me.
His beautiful brown irises meeting mine. Hair in a classic ruffle of a mess. His cheeky smile crashing through me, his lips opening. “I’ll always love you Austin.”
“I love you too Charlie,” I murmur to his phantom, the words sending a strike of epiphany through me.
I can’t leave Charlie without telling him. Without telling him that he’s the one. He’s the brother that I love. I want to apologize for everything. For the fucked-up cascade of events that happened between me and Drew. It was all an accident, an impromptu adventure of devastating consequences.
I turn my body to step back down the cloud mist, but the birds swarm around me in a uniform crescendo, talons clawing into my skin to carry me.
No…. No! Let me go!I try to shout but the words are muffled into the void as they flutter their wings in symphony.
I—I can’t leave yet. I need to go back…Tears begin to stream down my cheek.I’m so sorryCharlie.
Their beaks are leading me to the gates without hesitation, as if my fate has been decided by the heavens. Angelic light shimmering inside. A chorus of divine sweetness awaiting me. An endless paradise of rest and relaxation.
You didn’t deserve this… I never deserved you, Charlie. You are an angel on Earth. A shining diamond in a coal pit. You deserve someone good. Someone loyal enough not to roll over for your brother.
I’m hairs away from the gate, the silky trance sucking in my skin, when I feel a jolt in my thigh, and then another stab in the other. The birds fade, the gates disappear. The sweet chorus is replaced by shouts and screams.
“Dad, is Austin—” Kay wails and Alicia is sobbing loud enough to ripple the waves of Lake Minnetonka. My father’s eyes are glossy, holding a sniffling Jackson in his shoulder. Wow, Jackson actually cares enough about me to shed a few tears. Noted.
The sirens of the ambulance close in, echoing off the front of the house. The piercing pitch brings me to full consciousness. My heart races like a gazelle sprinting across the entire continent, ready to burst from my chest with a vengeance.
Every time. That epi shit is a fucking miracle. Haven’t needed it in years, but Christ it’s as potent as the musk of the locker room.
I let out a cough as my airway dilates, my lungs reacclimating to their normal rhythm of perfusion.
“Loverboy… You are back… I love you so m—” Drew tries to make out, sniffling runny mucous, before being cut off by the paramedics.
“Excuse me sir. We need to take him. You can talk to him after his assessment and stabilization at the hospital.”
“But—” he stammers.
“There’s no time right now. He was out of consciousness for far too long. Time is of the essence,” the medic barks.
Thank God. I can’t deal with Drew right now. Please take me away…
“Alright Sir, stare at this light.” The first responder flashes the small penlight in each of my pupils. “Good start. Pupils are equal and reactive to light… We can finish the assessment in the truck. We are heading to Regional’s. You all can see him there after he’s been admitted.”
