Hockey hardened my edges, made me a ruthless champion with skates. Gave me the confidence to never back down. Never take my eyes off the prize in front of me.
And don’t you worry, Austin, I’ll never let you go.
I'll never let that pussy have you.
Kickoff commences, the opening kick wobbles, landing at their fifteen-yard line—allowing for a decent return. Charlie is obviouslyrattled. But a hefty dose of the truth might do him some good, instead of letting him fantasize away all the pains of the world.
The Bison turn and burn the clock on their first drive. Grinding away the minutes as if they’re grazing on the prairie. They keep it on the ground, with an occasional pass to keep the defense honest. Then their QB sneaks it in for a touchdown. Kansas City takes the lead 7-0.
The first play for Minneapolis is a slant route. Austin leaps in the air, hands sticking to the leather like glue as he hauls it in for a twelve-yard gain. A few run plays, and a few more passes. The Lumberjacks tie it up 7-7.
The rest of the first half is a scrimmage in chest, one yard gained, one yard lost. In the final seconds, it’s tied 7-7. The Lumberjacks move the ball to their twenty-two-yard line. An easy chip shot. A gimme if there ever was one. And, fuck, I don’t even watch American Football. But to tell you the truth, I don’t mind how tight these pants are. Arses jiggling on the field with their trots—free entertainment between whistles.
They line up for the kick. I watch my baby brother with a fervour. He’s moving kind of sluggish compared to his normal swagger. But that’s to be expected when a wad of guilt smacks your consciousness.
The center snaps the ball. Charlie launches his leg to kick, the ball flies in the air, then veers ugly to the left. Wide, way too fucking wide. No good.
The home crowd cheers, thundering their approval at the misfortune. The Jacks just missed their opportunity to take the lead, for three easy points.
Charlie doesn’t wait for the cheers to finish, sprinting into the locker room for halftime, avoiding a glance in my direction. The shame must be pitting in his tummy, letting reality bear its weight on his shoulders.
Good. I want to see him suffer for once. I want to see him shedding tears.
For him to choke in his own pit of self-disappointment. For his coach to rip into his ass and tear him a new one. I want him to break down and check himself into the psych ward. Life has been way too kind to that wanker.
Chapter 20
Austin
Ican’tbelieveCharliemissed that kick. That was the range of an extra point. He never misses those. Must have been his first one in his whole career.
I stumble inside the locker room after him, the sharp fluorescent lights shining brightly, but there’s no one in the bay. Then I hear sobbing from one of the stalls. My cleats clack against the tile, as I make my way over to the sobs, my knuckles knocking on the stall door. “Charlie…”
He sniffles his nose, a gulp swallowing down his throat.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my heart aching for him.
“What’s wrong? Everything… I can’t make a field goal. I’ve lost my boyfriend to my brother. I’m a coward who can’t protect you. One who was afraid to protect Drew when we were young…”
“What do you mean…” I mumble. Drew doesn’t need protection. He took down a pack of wolves single-handedly.
“Our father wasn’t a good man. Drew took the brunt of it all to protect me. Our father violated him, while I swept away the thoughts. I wanted to say something, to stand up to him, but we were just kids. I told mother and laughed it off as a bad dream.”
“What?” I stutter, my mouth hanging open.
“Yeah…” he breathes, dragging in a wet sniffle that echoes in the stall. “But to Drew it wasn’t bad dreams. It was a nightmare, every night. One that he couldn’t escape. The kind that can’t be forgotten and whisked away to the vault of childhood memories.”
He pauses for a second, while I try to wrap my head around it. Huh, maybe that’s why Drew wanted me to bear his mark. A sign of his protection. To protect me from actual predators—the most vile and disgusting type.
“He lived through that terror every day, until they shipped him off when he started to fight back. And I didn’t do a bloody thing to stop. I know I should have. But I was scared… worried that my father would switch us out.”
“Did he ever do that to you…”
“No, I think he was scared off by Drew’s rebellion. Thank God, I was old enough otherwise… I’m sure I would’ve been his next victim. I can’t even imagine.”
He swallows a gulp of air. “I should’ve been braver. I should have done something to protect him. I let him bear the wrath of our father, while I was too focused on being thegolden, untouchable boy.”
There’s a long moment of silence as I try to search for the right words. It’s not Charlie’s or Drew’s fault for what happened to them.
