I know what I need to do. I’m out anyway. King suspects something now. I can’t do this job anymore. And I can’t worry about a gun shipment when there are groups of women being taken. I begin to concoct a plan. A way out.
My mind is rattling as Iris and Cillian reunite. As King, Spark, and Cillian discuss an opportunity for peace. I’m just an observer. On the outside looking in. I feel it as truly as if I’m looking at the scene through a window. The world does not change with or without my presence here.
I once got stuck in my car on the side of a highway during a snowstorm. It raged and was violent outside, but inside, all I could hear was a muffled silence. This feels the same.
I can’t latch on to what they are saying.
I’m invisible.
I’m out.
I’mout.
But Icangive Spark and Iris what they need to live their life as I leave.
“King and I made our peace,” Cillian says. “It’s settled.”
As he speaks the words, Iris falls apart and collapses. Spark grabs her in his arms and hurries out to the van, which I’d driven at Switch’s request.
I follow, leaving the others inside.
Her head is slumped on Spark’s shoulder, and he holds her so gently, I could cry for the two of them. I know what it feels like to hold a woman you love while she falls apart because of this.
“Fuck, hold on, Iris,” Spark mumbles.
“She’s going to need to tell the truth of what happened here,” I say.
“Can’t think about that now. Open the door.”
I do and help him get Iris comfortable. But when Spark tries to take the keys from me, I step out of reach. “I’m taking her.”
“What the fuck, Saint? Give me the fucking keys.”
“Do you trust me with your life?” I ask. I need to know. I need to be sure, before I throw all this away, that I have his trust. Because I’m going to need his help. Now, and in the future.
“Of course, but we’re wasting time.”
I grab his wrist. “Do you trust me with hers?”
“For fuck’s sake. Don’t make me hit you. Give me the goddamn keys.” Spark tries to take the keys from my hand, but instead, I catch him off guard, pull him close, and hug him.
“I’m your only path out of this, Spark. The only path where Iris can be truthful, tell her story, have her day in court if the pursuit of this organization goes anywhere without incriminating you.”
“What do you mean?”
I mark the sign of the cross over Iris, then close the door. “I’m not who you think I am. I’m an undercover ATF agent.”
Spark goes for his gun but then pauses. It must be empty. “You traitorous bastard.” He looks toward the warehouse, and I know what he’s thinking. Draw attention. Bring help. But I put my hand on my gun in warning.
“Never fired a bullet tonight. Don’t make me,” I lie. He knows it’s untrue, but he doesn’t know how many rounds I did or didn’t fire. “The woman we saved that very first night, the one who started all this. She gave me some intel. I passed it on to those who need to know. I can safely go on the record and put myself here, saying I followed a tip on the case of the other missing women. I can say I saw a shoot-out between two groups. Russians and Brotherhood. That I saw the woman, recognized her as Iris, and saved her. You can’t do that without incriminating yourself.”
Spark is looking at me like I’m a stranger. “You were my friend.”
“Still am. Blowing up my undercover op and likely my career for this. Because you’re a fucking good man, Spark.”
The man looks so torn. “King will have you killed for this.”
“Probably. But if you guys clean this up, Iris will be stuck, unable to talk about her memories of it.” I think of Briar, terrified to tell the police, but desperate to prevent anyone else from experiencing what happened to her. “And if you guys clean this up, the lead on who is doing this goes cold. The first woman we saved—she’s my fucking Iris, Spark.” The confession lifts the weight on my chest. “So much has happened, but I know what you’re going through right now. I know what these bastards do. I know what it feels like to ... to love someone who has been through what Iris has. I can’t let this fucking lead go cold while you try to hide the fact you were ever here.”
