“That’s a lot of ugly thoughts and images. Probably not the right time for you to be researching that.”
“What if I’m not the only one, Saint? What if there are more than just me?”
Saint pauses. “We need to talk some more. But first, I need to shower. Use the time to get into bed. I’ll come find you when I’m done.”
I nod and look back at the bed, deciding to put myself out there. “Maybe you don’t need to sleep on the couch tonight.”
He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “You don’t owe me anything, Briar.”
“I know, but you asked if there was anything I needed help with to get a better night’s sleep tonight. And I think maybe having you close will help.”
14
SAINT
Itold a fuck ton of lies today. To my president. To my friends and brothers. To Briar, although those are lies of omission rather than direct untruths. I lied to my boss, told him I wasn’t going to go looking for the men who hurt Briar, but I did. And I’m going to lie to him again in the morning when I say King gave me no choice but to go.
But the biggest lie I’ve told today is to myself.
I look in the large mirror as I brace my hands on the sink.
The whole ride home tonight, I was trying to convince myself that Briar didn’t matter. That she wasn’t my business. That for both our sakes, I needed to send her home.
But I know I’m about to shower, then pull on a pair of joggers and no top because I want to climb into that bed with her and feel her all up in my space. Even though I’d rather be naked. I stand by what I said, that she should take the lead on the steps of her healing.
And I don’t want to let her down again today. I know it’s irrational to feel this way. But not finding the men who took her, not beating them to a lifeless pulp on their own front lawn weighs heavy. With the kind of persuasion my club can dish out, the kidnappers would tell everything they knew before their demise.
I don’t have the energy to mentally debate the termmy club.
Sometimes, I imagine paying my father a visit and doing the same things to him. Give to him the kind of pain he caused Rae, Mom, and me. Violence begets violence. Part of me wants to stop the cycle, and part of me screams for justice.
It builds up inside me, seeking an outlet.
Steam swirls around, and I draw my attention back to the shower. I step in and close the door behind me, letting the heat soothe my tired muscles. I place both hands on the wall in front of me and allow the water to pound on the back of my neck.
When I look down, I can see my cock, still hard.
It’s been like that periodically today. Thoughts of the way Briar gasped my name, the feel of her hot pussy pushed up against my erection, the way her puffs of breath felt against the side of my neck.
I place my hand on my cock and pump it once, twice. It feels good. Not as good as Briar felt, but the last thing she needs when she’s so terrified that she can’t sleep is my boner. I close my eyes and bring a picture of her face into my mind. In the visual, I strip her. Tits that are more than a handful, a wet pussy I can thrust into, and a juicy ass I can watch move as I fuck her. In my imagination, she’s horny and desperate for me.
I visualize those plump lips of hers dragging along my cock. I imagine the way her tongue feels brushing my balls.
I huff out a breath.
And another.
Running my tongue along my lips, I wonder what she tastes like. If I pulled the lips of her pussy apart and lapped her, would it be sweet or musky? Does she like coming by a man’s mouth or his fingers? Or both?
I’d start with one finger, then two. Fuck, I’d try three. As many as she’d let me.
I don’t want to rush, but I also don’t need Briar figuring out I was jacking one out in the shower that shares a wall with the bedroom.
The idea she’s nearby nudges me closer. I focus nearer the head of my cock and stand up straight so I can tug on my balls.
I close my eyes and think about how she’d feel on top of me, riding me. Would she coat me with her cream, or does she need help getting wet? Would the orgasm I give her with my mouth ease the slow slide and grind on my dick?
And that ass of hers ... what wouldthatlook like as I pounded into her from behind. I wonder if she’ll let me do dirty things to her, let me feast on her pussy, let me bang her against a glass window in a high-rise hotel where someone might see. Will she let me put my hand around her throat, let me hold her down, let me fuck her until we’re both high from the sensation of it?
