“Then do that, too. Talk to both of them. They aren’t only your parents in happy times. But answer my fucking question. Why did you kill him?”
“You ask too many questions. Some things are better left unsaid.”
“And I will continue to ask those motherfuckers until I get answers, so shut the fuck up.”
Heaving in a breath, he sidled a glare at her, looking more likeherDiesel. He didn’t like her cursing. Just the thought made her flip him off.
He scowled.
“Now, tell me. I can no longer go in your room, but I will camp in front of that motherfucker and make big ass signs demanding answers. Oh! I know. I’ll get Ax to help me.”
Diesel’s annoyance fled. He didn’t even smile at her boneheaded attempt to lighten the mood. His shoulders slumped and his devastation returned.
In a slow, broken voice, Diesel recounted his conversation with Skylar Rivers. His dismissiveness. His gloating. His fuckery.
“I was so harsh to my mother, Rebel. So unforgiving. And he beat her so fucking bad she lost her memory. All this fucking time.”
“This happened Monday?” she asked to be sure.
“Yes.”
“And you’ve been falling apart on your own since then?”
“I deserve no sympathy. I was her son. I should’ve given her some leeway. Thought of other possibilities.”
“You were a hurt fifteen-year-old, who loved his mother and couldn’t understand why she left him.”
“I came to terms with it Tuesday afternoon.”
“If this is coming to terms with it, I hate to fucking see how you’d react if you couldn’t accept the truth.”
He glared at her.
“Fuck off,” she snapped. “You don’t want sympathy? You’ll get harshness. Anything so you’ll understand it was all on that motherfucker. Could you have been kinder? We all fucking know the answer to that. You’ve pissed me off because you blamed every woman for what she did. Or what you thought she did. But it was how you coped.”
“It was a shitty way!”
“Look, motherfucker…” She really wished she could stand on two feet. Words were so much more effective with a little theatrics. “Yeah. You’re right. You were a shithead. You were selfish, mean, and plain fucking evil. That fifteen-year-old kid didn’t give one fuck about his mom. So much so that he’s spent fucking years mourning her.” She tossed her hair. “And for what? She probably wouldn’t even give a fuck that you were so crushed.”
“That’s bullshit, Rebel. Theresa Rivers loved me. She wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t for that fuckhead! And she definitely wouldn’t want me to spend my life with so much fucking regret,” he yelled, red-faced and furious. “She would’vewanted me to be grateful for what I now have. She would’ve thanked Aunt Meggie and Uncle Christopher. She would’ve…”
Rebel saw the moment his words caught up with him and he snapped his mouth shut.
“She would’ve what, Diesel?”
Leaning back, he shrugged and changed the subject. “I was with Aunt Meggie for several hours today. For most of that time, I didn’t even think about Monday night. I didn’t think about anything but this family. She dropped me off at the club and said, ‘bye, son’. That’s when it hit me again. But my mother would want me to appreciate what I have. My family.”
“We are, and we love you so much. We all love you enough to know that you need to mourn her. Remember her. Love her again. You’re flawed and you’re fucked up, but we don’t care.” She tipped her head back, refusing to cry right then. “Just like we love Rule. We hate what he did. We don’t hate him. We hate how you sometimes behave. We don’t hate you. You’re stuck with us for the rest of your miserable life.”
He finally smiled. “I wanted a hit so fucking bad.”
“But you didn’t get one. Wanting and doing are two different things. I wanted Rule to come home Even if I could’ve done something to make that happen, I wouldn’t have because it wasn’t right for my brother. I hear addicts have a very rough time and it’s one step at a time to stay clean. Don’t beat yourself up for what youwantedto do. Applaud the strength it tooknotto do it.”
Leaning in, he kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Now, haveyouhad a heart-to-heart with Uncle Christopher?”
