Twenty-Two
“Hey baby girl,” Nikki comes into my bedroom with Tasha in tow. She sits on my bed and caresses my forehead. “How are you feeling?”
I shake my head as Princess Nokia plays in the background. I remember Savior once said how she was his favorite rapper and how I would like her style. I never did listen to her while we were together and now I’ve been listening to her on repeat since our breakup. How messed up is that?
I’m on Day Three After Savior and it feels just as horrible as Day One. I’m unofficially on a liquid diet because solid food and my stomach don’t mix. I quit my internship and turned everything in. I purposely went after hours so there wasn’t a chance of running into anybody.
I tossed my phone and purposely changed the number so there was not a chance of Savior getting a hold of me. The last 72 hours, he didn’t attempt. No emails. No phone calls. No texts. It was if he disappeared back into the air.
I feel guilty about everything. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe Savior was telling the truth. The look in his eyes didn’t signal a liar and I can admit he was pretty honest with me about everything else. Maybe this whole “arrangement” was a big mistake from the start.
I’m on semester break for the next few weeks and have nothing but time on my hands. Every time I go to sleep, I see his face. Every time I take a shower, I feel his arms around me. The worst was when I turned on the radio in the Beemer, and I heard a Wu-Tang song.
It felt like my heart was taunting me, telling me how stupid I was to break up with him while my brain was keeping it mute and cute. Sure, I may have my Granny’s home, but what’s the point of having a home when there’s not the love of my life in it?
“Are you able to eat anything?” Nikki asks. “You need to get out and get some fresh air.”
“I don’t want to leave.” I mutter. My stomach is twisted in intricate knots and hurts just as much. “I’m fine where I’m at.”
“No, you’re not.” Nikki pulls the sheet off me and is briefly surprised to see I had clothing on. “You need to shower, get out of the house, and get on with your life. I’m sure Savior has moved on with his.”
If he has, I don’t know about it. The Google alerts on him didn’t mention any new girlfriend or even the move out of his dad’s firm. I’m not sure what’s the truth anymore.
“Look at it this way,” Tasha adds, “it wasn’t like you two were going to get married and have babies. Maybe he did you a favor by not taking over the home. You’re better than a liar and a schemer, anyway. I just know he was planning to kick me and Junie out!”
“If Savior wanted the home, he wouldn’t have gotten with Keisha to do so and he wouldn’t have subjected her to his bullshit family, neither. Another thing, does Junie actually live here?” Nikki asks. “Because I don’t recall hearing about him paying rent.”
“He pays when he can,” Tasha defends. “He’s an unofficial resident here.”
“Oh, so you both of you broke niggas are living off Keisha,” Nikki’s hood side comes out in full-force, “got it.”
“Excuse you!” Tasha comments.
“No, I won’t be.” Nikki replies. “You’re happy Savior’s out of the picture because it means you can stay here, rent- and bill-free longer. What if Keisha decides to sell the home, after all? Then what, Tasha? If you paid the same amount of attention to your life like you do always getting high and staying on IG, you’ll be so far ahead of the game right now.”
“I smoke weed because I want to and it makes me feel good.” Tasha brushes a braid over her shoulder. “Maybe your uptight ass could use a toke and loosen up, shit!”
“If the shit you have will make me lazy, full of excuses, and lethargic, no thank you.” Nikki states.
“I don’t have excuses!” Tasha defends. “I have life inconveniences like everyone else.”
“Okay, what the hell does that mean?” Nikki turns to me and then back to Tasha. “I swear you woke niggas need to take naps.”
“Guys, guys, guys…” I play referee. Nikki and Tasha never liked each other and only tolerated each other because of me. They are always one insult away from pulled-out weaves and hair extensions on the floor. “It’s fine. I’m getting up.” I stand up and gather some fresh panties and a bra. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes, okay? Play nice until I get out and then I’ll be ready to go.”
~~~~~~
The three of us spend the day – drama-free – at the Crenshaw Mall. We weave in and out of stores without a care in the world. Well, maybe Tasha and Nikki walked around without a care in the world. My mind was tormented with thoughts of Savior. I wonder what he was doing. Who was he with? Was he just as miserable as I was or was it another weekday at the firm for him?
After shopping, I went home, packed a few days of clothing, and headed to my daddy’s house. I was able to keep it together in public, but in private, I fall apart all over again. I walk inside my daddy’s home and go straight to his office. He looks up from his computer and his face is stoic. He sees my bloodshot eyes, the mascara running down my cheeks, and hears my nose full of snot.
My daddy is a simple man so he only asks the right questions. “What do you want me to do?”
“I need to disappear for a bit, just long enough to graduate and then I’ll be in college.” I sniffle.
“Appearance and location?” He asks and I nod. “Got it, ‘Face.” He motions me over to him and I don’t hesitate to run. I climb into my daddy’s lap and bury my head into his shoulder where I cry my eyes out.
~~~~~
