"Hey, Iz," I hop off of the ATV and walk toward her. Izzy is a lot like me and isn't much on hugs when she isn't in the mood, so I don't press her. I sit next to her. If she wants to talk to me, she will, but she doesn't. We sit in silence for a bit, shoulder to shoulder on the edge of the porch, with our feet swinging off in sync.
After about five minutes of silence, she finally breaks it as he smacks a hand to my thigh nearest her, "Ready, V?"
My eyes instantly dart to her to read her expression, but she's unreadable right now. I want to ask her all the questions that are running through my mind and put her through the identical investigation she would put me through if the roles were reversed, but that's not what she needs.
"If you're ready, then I'm ready." I nudge her with my shoulder and offer a half-ass attempt at a smile. We both stand and dust ourselves off as we make our way back to the side by side.
"Should we wait. . . for him?"
She shakes her head.
"Nah, he took off walking. He said he would walk back in a bit."
I nod.
"Izzy, you know I'm here if you want to talk. I won't force you, but I will always be here if you need to or want to."
"I love you, V."
I smile, "You fucking better." To which she swats my arm and starts chuckling.
The drive back to the main house is quiet. She's silent for the first half hour into our little gathering but warms up after a while and returns to her typical self. Jett made it back to the house just in time for dinner. I expected things to be awkward between them, but they barely spoke, and not in an uncomfortable way. The rest of the visit was smooth, as if nothing had ever happened.
Chapter twenty-seven
Via
Three months later- February
Isn't it funny how life works? The way it can effortlessly take you on different courses that entirely alter your reality, all at the hands of your decisions? It's sometimes so seamless that you don't even notice the changes happening while they are.
After my recent therapy visits with Dr. Carr, I can't help but reflect on the absolute whirlwind of the past five or so months. She's helping me realize how different my life is—how differentI am—all because I decided to let go of my fears and follow my heart.I can't remember a time in my life when I've genuinely ever been any happier than I am now.
Part of me wants to hold anger against myself, resentment even. I want to dwell and beat myself up that this could have been my life all along had I made different decisions and handled things differently all those years ago. Then again, we never truly know. Maybe our time apart and reconnection was precisely how our story was supposed to unfold.
I'm beginning to feel more and more like my true self each day. I can feel my armor, which I wore to shield myself from others or others from me, being ripped away. I know I'm reinventing myself into the woman I've always been meant to be— but he helps me. I am the woman I want to be when I'm with Ander. It gives me the courage to do everything my heart feels is right: the hard things, the scary things, the adventurous things, the stupid and silly things. The abyss of numbness I previously called my normal has faded, and I'm finally finding comfort in beingmeagain. I feel things again, and although that's fucking terrifying, it's also been beautiful.
After leaving Ander all those years ago, I never once thought this would be my current reality.I'm so happy I was wrong, and I am proud of myself.
Tonight's shift at work has been quiet. I've made all of my patient rounds and am all caught up on my paperwork, so now I'm just killing time until we clock off in an hour. It's so easy to get lost in thought during downtime here. I feel a tap on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts and away from my doodles.
Dessa,with the sweetest smile on her face.
I return her smile as I look up at her, "Yessss?" I sing-song.
"We. . . uhm. Can you come to the breakroom?" She stands there with a big smile plastered to her face, but damn, she looks puzzled.
What the fuck.
"Is this what I think it is? Because I told all of you not to!" My tone is firm, but I can't stop the smile pulling at my lips, threatening to break free from my grasp on it.
"Just come see, damn it!" She insists, as she rolls her eyes, spins on her heels, and sprints toward the breakroom.
She's literally fucking running, and now, I'm laughing my ass off.
I stand up, sigh, and walk towards the break room. Knowing they did something I didn't want them to do, I'm a little annoyed but also excited.
"SURPRISE!" They all scream in unison, scaring the shit out of me as I push through the double doors of our quiet, tiny breakroom to find all of my favorite co-workers, even the ones that were off tonight, all squeezed in shoulder to shoulder, standing crowded around the small table in the center. Even Izzy is here!
