His gaze is on me; I can feel it piercing through me, but he doesn't speak. He gently squeezes my hand, letting me know he's listening whenever I'm ready. His face is soft as if he's grateful that I'm coming to him while I'm hurting rather than running from him, and that isn't lost on me, either.
Progress.
"His name was Mr. Earl. He only loved one woman, whom he lost at a young age. He was never able to move past her. Hearing the way he would talk about her, the way he felt about her always reminded me. . ."
I let out a sigh.
"It would remind me of us."
Ander lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my waist as we continue to walk toward the beach.
"He was a tough one, a grumpy old bastard, but honestly, he was my friend. He opened up to me. He was one of the only people I opened up to about how much I missed—"
Ander stops us from walking further, effortlessly wrapping around me, colliding his lips with mine. After a while, we release one another and finally make it to the water, where we sit for a few hours, mostly in comfortable silence, as we watch the waves crash their assault into the shore.
I'm home.
Chapter twenty-five
Via
After being wrapped up in him again after all that time apart, the past two weeks with Ander away for work have been hard. Thankfully, he's called every night. We've even had a few scarce Facetime calls when he has enough cell reception. Although it's never for long periods, I'll take what I can get.
I guess his being away at work for two weeks at a time is actually a good thing. It gives us pauses in between, which we probably need more than we'd like to admit because we are taking off quicker than expected. Not that I mind; nothing I've ever done in my life has ever felt so right. I've also had the time and space to process and work through the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me. I know now that I'm genuinely invested in giving this an honest shot with him rather than just being swept away in my feelings. I'm invested in this. In us. Inhim.
If I'm being truthful, that scares the shit out of me.
Guilt pings at me, and a knot forms in my throat as I think about all the truths about our past that Ander still isn't privyto. There are real risks in moving forward with this, but I can't live like this anymore. I can't live in fear. I can't live caged in this box that Liam has stuffed me into, doing precisely what I'm told, like the little puppet he controls by the strings.I can't live without him, not anymore. That was never living; I was merely surviving, if you can even call it that.
One night with Ander, I was snapped out of my haze and woken up to that fact. I don't want to go back. I don't want to be numb again. I want to continue to feel.
Shaking my head as I tried to shake the thoughts away, I continued in the mirror, applying my light makeup. Staring hard at myself, I take the time to notice the woman staring back at me and appreciate the changes this past month has brought—good changes. I like them, actually.
It's been a long time since I could look in the mirror and like what I saw. I do today.
Ander will pick me up in an hour, and we will head to Mississippi to see his family. I'm so excited to see them all again, but the nerves are setting in. Today is Tuesday, and Thanksgiving is in two days. We are staying there until Friday. Maverick, Izzy, and Dessa are coming too. They'll meet us there tomorrow, and they'll be staying in one of the guest homes on the property, and Ander and I will be staying in another.
I'm not sure what's going on with Izzy, but she was super weird when we invited them to come. Dessa and Maverick were all in instantly, and Izzy was much more reluctant. I've tried talking to her about it several times, but she shuts down each time.
The Cole Ranch is a beautiful place and truly a hidden escape into nature. I haven't been there since I was younger, but I remember it vividly—the hills we don't have here. The creeks are perfect for paddle boats during the colder months and swimming and tubing during the warmer months. The beautiful pathways are lined by trees that look like something out of amagazine, and my favorite part is all of the animals. Cole Ranch is a deer sanctuary. It houses red stag deer, does, and fawns. The ranch also has pigs, horses, chickens, and donkeys.
The deer are my favorite. They are so used to people that they'll come right up to you, eat out of your hand, or follow you on your walk. There's something magical about coexisting and being close to a wild animal like that.
Just a few minutes after I'm done getting dressed and packed, I hear Anders' truck pull into the driveway, and I run to the door to meet him. He wraps his arms around me, taking me in for a hug, and I love how I can get lost in his embrace. He pulls back to kiss me, and I relish in it—in him.
"Hey Rosie, you ready, baby?" He asks, nudging his chin toward his truck parked in the driveway. I lean onto my tip toes and kiss his cheek as I tuck my hair behind my ears.
"Yeah, now I am," I can feel the blush taking over my cheeks as he quirks a grin and heads in to grab my bags. We load up his truck and take off. We are silent for a beat, but my nerves are kicking in, and I find myself rambling random shit. I'm not sure why, but this is what I do, what I've always done. Half of the time, the things that come out of my mouth when I'm anxious are foolish and make little sense.
"Human teeth are the only part of the body that cannot heal themselves." I blurt out matter-of-factly—Ander peers my way, arching an eyebrow. Unfortunately, my mouth won't stop moving.
"Oh-Oh, did you know that a newborn kangaroo is the size of a lima bean?! Yes, a little tiny lima bean, Ander!"
"Anddd The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows! Poor woman."
Ander chuckles, "No, I can't say I knew either of those things."
"I missed the deer."
