His tongue swipes over his lips as he takes his time, his eyes raking over my body without a care that I can clearly see him.
"Perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. Now, go for it!"
Shit. The intensity of his glare hits me right between my legs.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I go for the shot, and I'm not even sure what the outcome is because the next thing I know, he swings me into a hug and spins me, saying, "There you go!" Our faces are mere inches away from one another. We are so close that I think he will lean in and kiss me.
He doesn't.I wanted to kiss him for a second, butI didn't.
The embrace lasts less than thirty seconds, and when he sets me down, I have to compose myself and the beast inside of me that wants nothing more than to feel his hands on me again.
I suck at pool, but I liked sucking at it because I liked having Ander's hands intently placed on my body—such tenderness and gentleness in his touch.
It's well after two a.m., we're back in his truck, and he's driving me home. This ride isn't quiet like the last, and Teenage Kicks by the Undertones plays softly in the background. For some reason, I can't seem to shut the hell up. He sits there and listens like the absolute gem that he is.
Now and then, I catch him looking over at me with his signature sexy, smug grin that I remember so well.
". . . The last I heard from Izzy was that you were in a long-term relationship." I say with a sigh, dropping my shoulders and head, "I created this entire scenario in my mind of your happiness. I envisioned you living this beautiful life where you smiled all day and would laugh so genuinely hard that the sound rattled whatever room you were in."
He pulls his hand out of mine and lifts my chin, regaining eye contact. I shake my head softly as I continue, "You aren't supposed to—"
He scoffs, "Rosie, I have never been in an actual relationship since you."
I let his words soak in, but I'm still confused. "Izzy said Abbie told her—"
He takes a minute to sort through his thoughts before finally speaking again: "I wouldn't say Jessica and I were ever in arelationship." He says the word "relationship" with air quotes.
"It was supposed to be a no-strings-attached friend-with-benefits thing. She caught feelings, and I was trying to fill a void. Numb pain. She wanted something that I wouldn't give her. I couldn't give her. So I ended it. It was the only thing to do to be fair to her. She wasn't a bad person; she just wasn't. . ." He eyes me up and down. I can't help but think he's trying to say that she wasn'tme.
"We weren't compatible in that way. Hell, no one has been. I came here annoyed- Maverick told me he found the perfect woman for me, and it pissed me off. I thought he was full of shit because I knew there was only one woman- Then you walked in. . . You walked in like you never left. . ."
My breath hitches, and a small tear pools up at the corner of my eye and makes itself home there as I hold it back with everything in me. The words he spoke sucked the breath right out of me. Those words warmed and broke me all at the same time. After everything that I put him through, put us through, how could he still be holding out hope for me?
Part of me wants to tell him to pull this truck over so I can ravage him and give myself over to him right now, but the other part, the annoying bitch and sensible part, takes his words as a wake-up call that I've let tonight get way too far.
He's saying everything I've only dreamed of hearing for years—to know that he still has hope for us. However, that doesn't change my fear of Liam, and I am not willing to risk Ander's safety.
Liam being locked away means nothing.I know what he's capable of.
IfI finally told Ander the truth and everything I knew, it may help him understand. It would help him to know how much I've always truly loved him down to my core. It would also open up an entirely new disaster that I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to face. He knows enough about Liam; he would kill him, without question, if he knew everything.
Although the thought of Liam being gone and no longer a threat to my life would be such a relief, that would also ruin Ander's life.
The thought that I've always been Liam's secret keeper makes me sick to my stomach. I don't do it out of loyalty, unlike he thinks I do. I don't do it out of fear of him, necessarily. I'vegrown immune to Liam's antics. It's hard to hurt a person you've already broken. I fear for the truth to come out, and all of the other people I care about that I know will be hurt in the wake of that truth bomb exploding. I fear how they will perceive me and if they will take my lies and coverups for Liam as a deception to them.
I still feel ashamed about my past. Dr. Carr has helped me cope with it, although I fight her every step of the way—delightfully. I've spent years trying not to be fragile and broken. I am trying to rebuild myself. I haven't done the best job, but I fear that those realities being exposed will only damage all the work I've donefor myself.
I look out the window, and silence falls between us for the rest of the ride. The song changes to Numb by Abe Parker, and the lyrics are not lost on me as I drink them in. The air is thicker than before, but I'm not uncomfortable. I am sad, though. The alcohol is wearing itself off, and I don't know what to say or how to really feel right now.
As we pull into my driveway, he grabs my hand; out of instinct, my body turns to face him in the cab of his truck.
"V, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"You didn't make me uncomfortable," I say, offering what I can of a half-ass attempt at a smile.
"Thank you for tonight. I'm glad it was you. I haven't laughed like that in. . ." I let out a huff, "In years. I really needed it. . . I can't tell you how glad I am that you're doing well." I squeeze his hand and caress my thumb across the top of it, not wanting to let go, butI do. He nods, not able to look me in my eyes.
