I stop everything.
I'm stunned in my place. I can't help but feel like this is some ginormous, cruel joke being played on both of us.
Was this intentionally set up? Izzy wouldnever.
Maverick came around long after Ander, so he's never met him.
I can feel the panic setting in as I stand here. I'm just standing here. After a few seconds, which feels like forever, I finally use every ounce of strength to say, "I have to pee," and quite literally run to the bathroom.
I'm unsure if Izzy is behind me, and I don't want her to be. I need a second. I need to be alone. The bathroom has multiple stalls, so I run into the first open one and sink behind the door, unsure if I've locked it.
How could this be happening? How could they do this to him?
No. No. NO!
He's supposed to behappy. He's supposed to live a beautiful life with someone capable of giving him the same joy he delivers. He is not supposed to be on the hunt for love and happiness.
When Izzy told me he was with someone a while back, I found so much comfort in knowing I had done the right thing. Although it hurt to hear, I found peace knowing that Ander took my advice and found the happiness he deserved. The exact joy I knew my constant black cloud wouldn't allow me to give him.
Izzy throws open the door, pushing me forward. Okay, I guess this means that I did not lock it. She lunges down toward me, swooping me into her arms. She pulls me tight into a hug that feels like it is trapping me, so I push her back gently. She looks just as in shock as I am.
"V! I swear on everything that I had no idea!" She visibly panics with me as she runs a hand over her face. "What the actual hell!"
"I'm okay, I'm okay. I need to catch my breath," I attempt to say through the anxiety attack that's ripping through my core. I'm unsure if my words are even coming out audibly. The sobs break free from me no matter how hard I try to hold them back. It's useless.
This wasn't supposed to be how this went.
"HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY!" I scream out into the silence, entirely too loud. Izzy squeezes me tighter as she rubs my hair. "I know, V. I know." We sit for a beat, neither knowing what to say.
I stand to collect myself. I frantically wipe at my face, trying to hide every tear that my eyes betrayed me and allowed me to escape from them. Taking a few more deep breaths, I'm unsure what to do. What to say?
"Okay, okay…… Okay," I repeat like a chant, still attempting to pull the shattered pieces of myself together. Izzy is just standing there staring at me in silence. She is still as stunned as I am andprobably has no idea what to say. The tears finally comply and stop falling. My breath is returning to some form of routine.
I'm not typically one to lose it like this— or at all. I usually hold myself together rather well, even under pressure. But the pressure is a little too much for even myself.
"Izzy, how—" I'm cut off by a gentle knock on the main restroom door as we hear it creak to open. We both freeze in place.
"Is she okay?" Phew, it's Maverick.It's just Maverick.
"She's getting there," Izzy calls out. We will just be a few more minutes."
Her eyes search mine in the tiny stall. I nod in approval as my lip shivers and the tears threaten again.
GET IT TOGETHER OLIVIA!
"It's okay. Bear explained everything to me. He's gone now. He said he was sorry—"
Before I could register what I was doing, I swung the restroom stall door open, cut him off, and walked directly toward him.
"Where is he, Maverick? Where is Ander?" my voice is small yet firm.
I must seem angry, but I'm not—not even remotely. If anything, other than being shocked, I feel sadness, not at Ander butfor him. All I ever hoped for him was love and joy. He wasn't supposed to be searching. He was supposed to be happy. He came here tonight looking for that but got stuck with me instead. Ugh, life never seems to deal fair cards out on the table.
"… He went out the backdoor on the right toward the back parking lot. He looked so sad. He said he doesn't want to hurt you—"
I walked out quickly before he could finish that sentence. He doesn't want to hurt me? He's never hurt me. He could never hurt me.Is that really what he thinks?
My brain tells my feet to move, and my feet must have heard "RUN" because that's precisely what they're doing. I run through the restaurant like a mad woman, but I don't care.
