Now, I only know reality. Reality has shown me that no single thing is promised, and the pain of loss is far greater than the pain of being alone.
There was a point where I even tried to push Izzy away. I was sure being a part of my life came with consequences of pain. I also began to believe that I was the problem.
I can thank Liam's manipulation for that one. Someone tells you something so many times that there comes a point where you can't help but believe it for yourself.
Thankfully, Izzy is far too strong-willed and hard-headed to fall for my shit. She pushed right back and gave me no choice. Even when I ignored her and went through a slight hateful resentment phase, she was unbothered and loved me through it. In an Izzy way. This included a lot of her saying, "Enough with the bullshit, bitch" and "You can try as hard as you want; you're as stuck with me as I am with you."
Soul matescome in different forms than what people think is typical. For me, I have two. One soulmate is my platonic best friend, who has seen me through every storm, even when I didn't want her to.
The other is the boy I undoubtedly fell in love with as a child. The boy I would have done anything for, even hurt myself, which is precisely what I did. I think about him more than I should. I fantasize about who he probably is today, but I'll never have the courage to find out. I last heard that he had moved on andhad a long-term girlfriend. After that, I asked Izzy not to tell me anymore. All I can do is hope he's found the happiness he deserves. The same joy I know I could never give him myself.
That doesn't make the pain of letting him go hurt any less.
After all of these years, I've gotten used to the pain.
Trying to shake myself out of my thoughts, I stop staring in the mirror, dazing off, and force myself to get dressed for what is sure to be an awkward double date. I'm not even sure why I agreed to do this. I hear Izzy calling my name and yelling for me to go to her, so I approach her room.
"You rang, your majesty?" I ask sarcastically as I walk in and plop myself on her tiny sofa across from her bed.
Izzy and Maverick are cuddled up close together on the bed. They both let out a chuckle at my stupid little remark. Izzy rolls her eyes at me as she laughs.
"I just wanted to check in on you," she says, and Mavericks kisses her on the forehead as he gets up.
They're so cute that it's almost repulsive. He stops and hugs me goodbye, then grabs me by the shoulders and says, "It will be fine; I promise you will have a good night," almost too enthusiastically, as if he's trying to convince himself, too.
"I'm okay, -ish. I think. I guess.WHATEVER!" I say as I laugh and roll my eyes. "Are you leaving now? I thought you were riding with us." I choke out, and the panic is evident on my face and in my voice.
Maverick gives a soft smile and looks at Izzy, who gets up from the bed and walks towards me.
"He's going meet up with Bear. They're going to get there early and grab a table and a drink so we can have more time to get dressed and give you more time to overanalyze everything!" she says with a soft yet joking tone and a huge smile.
She comes to sit on the sofa with me, wrapping her arms tight around me reassuringly. They know me well, and I'm terrible atthese situations, so they seem to be handling me carefully. I look at her and scrunch my nose, rolling my eyes as I let out a light sigh, shaking my head.
Izzy is curling my hair for me. She just finished doing my makeup. Although both are much more done up than I would typically do myself, I like what she's done. She went with neutral colors for my eyes, which I appreciate. I'm usually a mascara-only kind of girl. I know how to do my makeup; I never feel up to it. The last time she did my makeup, I felt like I was the star of a drag show; it was so glamorously over the top. I'm glad she kept it simple and accurate to me this time because I feel very pretty right now.
"Did Mav give you more info on this 'Bear' guy? Also…. "BEAR? What's his real name?" I ask, trying to sound as confident as possible and not show the anxiety that's starting to grasp its hold on me.
"He doesn't know his real name. They all call him Bear at work," she shrugs.
"I can't believe I'm going on a date with a guy called Bear!" I say, laughing as I softly hit my face with my palm.
"I'm going on a date with a guy whose real name none of us knows. Why does this seem fitting?"
She returns my laugh. "I don't know, Via. 'Bear' sounds sexy, don't you think?"
"Izabel." I smack her arm jokingly as we laugh before she can grab the curling wand again.
"All Maverick said about him was that he's his closest friend on their work crew. He said he reminds him of the male version of you. He's also internet famous—"
"FAMOUS!?FOR WHAT!?" I blurt out as I accidentally cut her off.
"Well, he's a…. musician, and apparently he's really good but also humble. He doesn't want fame. He blew up after some of the guys at work took videos of him singing his songs while playing guitar and posted them to their TikToks. He doesn't pay attention to fame or care about it."
"Oh god. A Musician!? Izzy, you know how—" I start to whine like an infant as she cuts me off, literally.
"Damn it, Via! You have this long list of unacceptable things; therefore, no one ever makes your cut. It's one date. Give the guy a chance!" She demands.
I want to fight back and make my point, but it's pointless. She's right, and musicians are a big no-no for me. There's only one musician I could be interested in, and I don't need any reminders of him.
