That was until the darkness crept in and had its way.Like it always did.
For people like us, believing in lifelong happiness was more than just a reach; it was a dangerous game. We gambled on it and took the chance. Now, we pay the price.
I may wear my mask and cloak of unaffectedness, and I wear it well if I say so myself. I've always been able to hide behind my ability to fake a perfect smile, the same ability that gives the perceived notion that I have the strength to handle anything. The truth is, I was cursed to be an empath. Although I hide it excellently, I do feel immensely and intensely. I feel to the point that it makes me numb, and it hurts to breathe.
Happiness was never in the cards; although it took a while, I finally accepted it.
Life after their deaths was damning me to my purgatory, and I took my sentence without question because I knew the part that I played in it.
Chapter two
Via
2015
There are those rare people you will meet in life and form instant connections with. You could have met five hours ago, but it still feels like five years have passed. There's something about them that lights a fire in your heart and lets you know that they are "your type of person." It could be that their soul and who they are at their most genuine core align precisely with the type of person you didn't know you needed to have as a part of your life, and you would give anything to keep them in it.
Ander has always been my person. It's been that way since we were little kids and first met in the field, which separated our family's beach homes on the island.
Grand Isle is a small island right off the coast of southeast Louisiana. The drive takes over an hour from our family home in Sugarland. To most people, the island isn't much—nothing special. To me, that summer and every summer that followed it waseverything.
It was the week of my eighth birthday, and my parents finally began noticing my changes. I was becoming guarded. They were worried and unsure of what caused it.
I remember being asked multiple times about having 'issues' at school. They never once suspected the real issue was in our own home.
They were sure a change of scenery for a few months would be the magic recipe to "snap me out of it." It was as if the sadness I was cursed with was just a normal phase.
Thankfully, they decided to take us down to the beach house that summer and every summer after because it did, in fact, change my life.It brought me to Ander.
Anderson Anthony Cole.
Ander lives with his family on their ranch in Tylertown, Mississippi. Seeing each other during the year has been rare. It happens sometimes, but not very often. Though, the summers—the summers have always beenours.
As we grew up and spent every summer together on the island, we spent more time running and playing in that field than we did at the actual houses or beach. We may have only been eight years old when we met, but my heart knew he was for me from the first time we interacted. Something tells me he felt it, too. It didn't take long for the spot we met to become our spot; it was always our place to escape when life got hard. Between Ander and I, that field holds more secrets than most catholic confessionals do. It saw us at our worst and always brought out our best.
The tree stump in the middle of the field where we first met quickly became labeled as our spot. It was right between our summer homes but secluded enough that it felt like our own world. The second the sun would dance through each of our bedroom windows, we would rush to get dressed, then both hit the ground running to meet up at our spot and finish watching the sun as it would rise, and it always seemed to paint thesky every beautiful color imaginable. The way the colors would reflect off the water along the shoreline will forever be etched into my memory as one of the most breathtaking sights.
At the time, it wasn't romantic. We were eight, and romanticizing it was the furthest thing from our minds. We didn't want to miss a second of daylight, and our daylight hours had to be spent together. It was this unspoken pact that we both unknowingly agreed to. We didn't always feel the need to be doing something, but we did always feel the need to be together. Summer days weren't the same when we weren't in each other's presence.
Most boys our age hated hanging out with girls. Not Ander. At least, not when it came to me. He would include me in everything, just as I did him. We made the island our kingdom. There was so much exploring to be done, and we were determined to accomplish it all. Ander wasn't quite as adventurous as I was; he was more reserved, but he never let me explore alone, and he went along with every crazy idea I had as if he was thinking the same thing, too. Although I knew my limits on the island, the summer when we were thirteen, I pushed every boundary I knew better than to cross. It's like he came into my world and breathed life back into me, and now I dare to do everything I've always wanted to but was always too afraid to. He gave me the courage to let myself feel free, even if it was brief and ended with the summer.
As we got older, my adventures would sometimes get us into trouble—and not the kind of trouble with our parents, but the kind that was just downright dangerous, like when we swam across the Gulf of Mexico to the old abandoned war fort on the next island over. It was the summer that we were fourteen. This was no easy feat and possibly the most dangerous trek we'd ever go on. We didn't get caught, thankfully. However, we almost drowned, which was scary.
My dad always told me stories of Fort Livingston. When we would ride by in the boat, all I could see was the overgrown grass and trees that lined the brick core of the island. I wanted to see it firsthand, be a part of it, and plant my feet on the ground of its history. Ander thought I'd finally gone mad when I mentioned it to him.
"Why can't you be like the other girls and pick flowers and make wishes on dandelions?" He asked, annoyed as he rolled his eyes.
"Because dandelions don't actually do shit, Anderson Cole. If you want things in life, you have to make them happen… I'll go alone if you're too scared or chicken." I teased him in a playful tone as I picked up a dandelion nearby and blew it toward his face.
He stared up at me for a beat, still sitting on the old log as I stood before him with my hands on my hips. After a while, he finally stood up, kicked off his shoes, and walked towards the shoreline. Looking back at me, he said, "You'll never have to do anything alone where I'm concerned, Rosie." He huffed the words out under his breath, and I followed behind him. Then, I took the lead and led the way to what could have been our deaths.
Don't get me wrong, Izzy is also my best friend, and she has a piece of my heart that no one else can get, but Ander was made for my heart. He's good for my soul, and he ignites it. Some may call it young love, but that makes what we have seem so trivial compared to what it truly is. He became my friend and walked with me through the silence of the hard times. Words didn't always need to be spoken for him to pull me out of the dark places where I'd find myself trapped.
Our connection has been inevitable since that first summer when we met when he saved me from Liam's wrath. It has only grown stronger every summer in between, from just kids toteenagers. This summer was when I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was it for me.
If it wasn't him, I wasn't meant to end up with anyone.
Ander has a way of calming any storm that threatens its destruction within me, just with his presence. He's quiet but well-spoken. When he speaks, it matters. The way Ander has always lived his life with intention, even when we were much younger, has always been so beautiful to me. He's somewhat shy but has an apparent confidence. The kind of confidence that is cocky as hell at times, but how Ander holds himself can intrigue anyone who comes in his path. He's one of those rare humans who knows exactly who he is and couldn't give a shit what others think. Yet, he has the kindest heart. Once you can free it from the shackles he's hidden behind. He tries not to let that soft side show to many people, and if you get to experience it, you should consider yourself lucky because it's beautiful. I'm one of the lucky ones.
