“Jesus Christ, Cill. You proposed to her with a fucking gift bag on your knob? Are you insane?” Her face was a picture. A mixture of shock, horror, disgust, and I’m sure I detected a hint of admiration in there too.
“No, blondie. I didn’t propose with my dick. Although, that’s a cock ring right there I’m sure every girl would love to receive.” She huffed out a laugh, despite her angry expression. “It was worth the lie to see your face. No, I proposed on the beach where she first spoke to me, at sunset, and yes, I did get down on one knee. I’m not a total loser.”
Ryley pulled me back in for a hug. “Congratulations, Cill. Just a word of advice though. Don’t crack jokes in the delivery room. It won’t end well for you.”
She pulled away from me and patted my cheek, then turned and made her way back into the living room.
“Time for presents,” Ryley announced proudly, grabbing her boxes first from the pile.
Paige and I sat side by side on the couch as our guests gathered around us.
“God, I hate having all the attention on us. I was dreading this part,” Paige whispered to me.
I pulled her close and nuzzled her neck. “Don’t worry, I’ll do something stupid in a minute and take the heat off you.”
“I hate to hog the limelight,” Ryley said, as if on cue, “but can we do my presents first? Only, I have a gift for both of you.”
“I thought you didn’t know I’d be here?” I frowned.
“I didn’t. But I’d find a way of giving this to you one way or another.” She smirked.
“The pink box is for Paige.” She handed Paige the box, and she opened it to reveal enough baby products to last us a year. There was also an envelope with spa vouchers for her to use when she needed some ‘me’ time.
“Ryley, this is too much. You didn’t have to buy all this.” Paige teared up and reached forward to embrace Ryley.
“Do I get a voucher for some ‘me’ time too?” I asked. “I do love a good mani pedi.” Paige laughed and snaked her arm through mine.
“Oh, you get something even better than that,” Ryley replied, nodding down to the box to hint that I needed to hurry up and get opening.
I lifted the lid to find four presents wrapped in blue tissue paper, each one numbered one to four. On top was an envelope.
“It’s stripper vouchers, isnt it? You got me a stripper.” I ripped open the envelope and read the letter aloud.
“Dear Cill. I know it’s not a wedding, and my gifts don’t make any sense at a baby shower, but you’ve never been the most conventional guy. So, I just thought, fuck it, and went with it.” A slight murmur of laughter rippled around the room. “Before we get to the fun stuff, I need to tell you how happy we are that you finally found your soul mate. We love Paige as much as we love you, and that’s a hell of a lot.”
Paige started to cry beside me, and I pulled her further into me to kiss her forehead, then carried on reading. “You’re special to us, and we couldn’t be more thrilled that two are now becoming three. Enjoy every minute, because it all goes so fast. Cherish each moment and each other. That’s the mushy stuff over with, now the fun part. Gift number one is your something old.”
Paige lifted the gift labelled number one out of the box and handed it to me.
“It’s not old dirty nappies. Don’t panic,” Ryley said, as I tore the tissue paper open.
Inside was a night light, in the shape of Winnie the Pooh.
“That was my old night light,” Ryley said fondly. “Whenever I had bad dreams, or my brother Travis was being a knob, I used to put that on and it always helped me get to sleep.”
I looked at Paige, remembering the music box I’d brought her all those months ago, and how it now took pride of place next to the baby’s crib in the nursery.
“This is awesome, Rye. I can’t believe you gave this to us,” Paige said for me. I couldn’t find my voice.
“That’s the most sentimental gift. The rest are funnier, I promise.” She shrugged.
“It’s perfect. Thank you.” I placed it carefully on the coffee table in front of us and carried on reading. “Gift two is something new.” I looked up at her with suspicion in my eyes. “You went with the something old, something new theme. I see what you’re doing here.”
“Getting my own back.” She laughed then turned to tell the room about the gifts I sent her on her wedding day.
“You were supposed to open that in front of your parents.” I tutted. “It didn’t work as well when you were on your own.”
“Are you saying I have better comedy timing than you, Cill?”
