I nodded, but her small smile told me she didn’t believe me.
“And those brothers… the ones who took you, they were no better than your father. What they did to all those girls was the same. They abused them. They abused you all.” She gave me her pointed stare that meant I had to listen, acknowledge, and absorb what she was saying.
“I know. Deep down, I know what you’re saying is right. It’s just hard sometimes to control the guilt. I know it’s unfounded, but it’s still there, rearing its ugly head like a troll.”
“We can work on that,” she said, making a note in her book.
“It helps to know the other girls are being cared for. Cill told me that not long after the brothers abandoned their house in the countryside, Luca and Jackson stepped in and made sure every girl they’d kept as their ‘toy’ was reunited with their families, and given access to counselling services.” I would be forever indebted to those men. The milk of human kindness hadn’t run dry after all.
“How is Cill, by the way?” Ange asked, not hiding her amusement one bit. She loved him, and she knew anything Cill related always helped to pick me up off the floor and inject some calm into my noisy, stressed out brain.
“He’s my rock.” I felt my cheeks burn and I couldn’t stop myself from grinning like a fool. “He makes me laugh every day.”
“Laughter is the best medicine,” she said, grinning back at me.
“Heis the best medicine. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not using him as a crutch or anything. But he just makes everything… bearable.”
“Are you managing to get out more? I know the last time we spoke you were reluctant to leave the apartment. I’m pleased you’ve taken the plunge and come in here today.”
It was a slow process, but I was getting out more with the help of Cill and the new friends I’d made through him. I told Ange about Nick and Julian, and how even though they acted pissed off at Cill for leaving them behind, they embraced us both. We’d even been out for dinner the night before with Julian and his new partner, Siobhan. I’d never been on a couples’ night out before. I would say it felt grown up, but when your half of the couple is Cill, and he does a forward roll after coming out of the men’s room, grown up is the last thing you feel. He did get a round of applause from the waiting staff though, so he was chuffed with himself. I never wanted him to change.
“It’s good that you’re making friends. Even on the days that you feel like you can’t face life, just being around positive people can help. Surround yourself with those who lift you up.”
“Oh, I do.” I sat forward in my chair, feeling excitable all of a sudden. “Jackson’s wife, Ryley, she’s due to have her baby next month and she’s involved me in all her preparations and shopping trips. I didn’t think I’d like doing stuff like that, but I did. I loved it. She’s a breath of fresh air. Chloe too. She’s Luca’s wife. I spent the day with Ryley, Chloe, and her little girl, Sophie, the other day. I’ve never had girlfriends like that.”
“Paige, I’m so pleased with how you’re coping. You should be proud of yourself. Do you remember when we first met? You didn’t think you’d see progress like this, did you? I think you are my star patient. Your journey has been phenomenal. I know it’s not over yet, but I’m honoured that I could be a part of it. Look at what you’ve become, Paige.”
I blushed at her gushing praise. I still didn’t take compliments well. That was another thing I was working on.
“I’ll never forgive those men for what they did to me. But what I try to focus on is what I’ve got now. The life I’m building from the rubble they left. If truth be told, I wouldn’t ever go back to being the old Paige. The sister who ignores her brother in favour of her social media friends. The daughter who doesn’t realise how awesome her mother actually is, and instead chastises her for asking for help with the chores. No. I prefer the Paige I’ve become. People matter. Our lives matter. The little things everyone else takes for granted, every minute of every day, all of that matters. I might be less shiny than I used to be. Twisted up inside and tainted by what life has done to me, but I’m real. A more raw, grittier version of myself, sure. But Cill loves me. I think he’d love me either way, but this is the version of me he fell in love with, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.”
Ange stood up and walked around her desk then she took the chair next to me and grabbed my hand in hers.
“And that is exactly what I wanted to hear. Love yourself, Paige, and everything else will work itself out.”
One Year later…
“I didn’t thinkmen were invited to baby showers?” Ryley winked at me as she sauntered in with baby blue and powder pink boxes piled up high in her arms.
“It’s my baby’s first party. Why would I miss that?” I grabbed the boxes out of her hands and placed them next to the growing pile in the corner of the living room.
“It’s Paige’s party, but I suppose I’ll give you a pass, seeing as you’ll provide some entertainment for us all this afternoon.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug then planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek. “That’s from Jackson. He misses you.”
“What’s the sour-faced old git up to today?” I asked as I poured her a mocktail from the bar Paige had set up in the living room.
“Babysitting, of course. My two boys are having a bonding day together. He’s taking Jack to the park, then he’ll probably end up at Sylvie’s. Let’s face it, he won’t be cooking for himself if he can help it.”
“Can’t say I blame him. Why bark when you’ve already got a dog?”
“I think there’s some logic there somewhere, in your twisted analogy.” She shook her head and then we both turned as we heard Chloe bustle through the doorway looking flustered.
“Hey, want a mocktail?” Ryley said, taking over as host and hugging Chloe.
“Fuck that shit. Where’s the bourbon, Cill? I’m child free for at least three hours. I need to make the most of it.”
I laughed. Chloe always had been a girl after my own heart.
“Rough day?” I raised my eyebrows at her as I poured her drink.
