“If you touch the tea and coffee, you’re a dead man. Seriously, Cill. Quit stalling and tell me.”
She had a point. A cup of milky gravy wasn’t the best way to start your working day. I might be an asshole, but I wasn’t that bad.
I spun round and threw myself into the chair across from her. I suppose if I was going to unburden myself to anyone, she was a good choice. Ryley always got me. She laughed when I was funny, called me out on my bullshit, but she could offer advice and sympathise when a guy needed it. Jackson had hit the jackpot when he’d found her.
“I fucked up, Rye.” I ran my hands over my face and leant forward in my seat. This opening-up malarkey was a lot harder than I thought it’d be. My brain was short circuiting and my mouth was running dry. I didn’t want to relive it all again.
“What’ve you done?”
“I’m fucking useless. I met someone last night. Someone who needed help… and I didn’t do enough.” I couldn’t meet her gaze. Instead, I looked to the side and watched the delivery guys through the window as they lugged heavy beer barrels from the back of their truck. They rolled them along the floor and into our cellar like they were weightless. I wished I was one of those guys. Nothing to think about but barrels and the next delivery on their list.
“If I know you, and I think I do, you’d have done everything you could to help someone if they needed it. Maybe you’re being a little hard on yourself. Who was it?”
I looked down at the floor, trying to get the image of Wednesday out of my head.
“There was this girl…”
Ryley started to laugh, but soon stopped when I lifted my head to show her I was serious.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. I just thought you were going to tell me about some hook-up, but judging from your face, that’s not the case.” She took a deep breath and put her hands in her lap, settling herself in ready for whatever I was about to hit her with. “Go on, tell me.”
“I went to Club X last night, and I met up with Nick and Julian. I had a close shave with the resident cougar, Hanna. Then I went into the dungeon to join the Contis’ sex party and met their latest sex slave, who, I might add, is being brutally mistreated, refuses to talk and wouldn’t let me set her free. What can I say? I fucked up.” I threw my hands up in mock defeat. “She needed a knight in shining armour and she got the court jester. And now? I can’t fucking eat, or sleep, or do anything without thinking about that girl and how she needed my help. I didn’t help her.”
Ryley’s expression changed faster than the gears on a racing car, as I went from describing fun times, to flirting, to fucked-up freaky shit, all in the space of a minute. The thing was, Ryley was cool, and she’d seen some messed up crap herself, so she always kept an open mind. But when it came to Wednesday and her situation, I don’t think anyone could fully understand something like that. I know I didn’t.
“Cill.” Ryley reached forward to touch my knee as she spoke, “You’re a good guy. I know you’d have done all you could to help that girl. Maybe she didn’t want to be helped? Or maybe she isn’t strong enough to leave-”
“Oh, she’s strong.” I couldn’t stop myself from cutting in. “She’s one of the strongest girls I’ve ever seen. But those fuckers? They have her tagged. They’re tracking her with a metal collar fixed round her neck. They’ve placed a hold on her that I can’t break through. I can’t shake the guilt though. I could’ve done more.”
Ryley sighed. “Maybe that wasn’t the right time to help her. Doing something could’ve made matters worse, done more harm than good. Do you know what I mean? It sounds to me like she’s scared of those brothers. She could be conditioned to behave a certain way that she doesn’t even know how to help herself. And that collar? That’s just more mind control, another way to frighten her. I don’t claim to know a lot about these kinds of things, but what I do know, from my limited experience, is that sometimes you have to pick your moments. Choose the right time to strike. If she’d tried to leave with you, or on her own last night, she probably wouldn’t have gotten out of the building. And trying to escape in that way could’ve made her situation worse.”
I knew what Ryley was saying made sense, but the caveman in me didn’t like to admit defeat. I didn’t want to be the guy who walked away.
“I know what you’re saying, but I’m not a quitter…”
“I know that, Cill. You can be more stubborn than Jackson when you want to be, and that’s saying something. You’re loyal and kind and-”
“I don’t walk away from a fight, Ryley. Jackson didn’t walk away from me all those years ago in the alley, when I was getting my ass handed to me on a plate, and I didn’t want to walk away last night. I feel… helpless, useless.”
I might take the piss out of him most of the time, but sometimes, I wanted to be more like Jackson. He was always there in the background, picking up my shit after I’d royally fucked up. He’d done it the first night he met me. The trouble was, I never learnt my lesson. I loved stirring shit up. I wasthatasshole. I filled the role well. Why change the habit of a lifetime? Or so I thought. But after last night? My joker act kind of felt flat.
“Then don’t walk away.” She shook my knee and came to crouch down beside my chair. “Last night wasn’t the right time, but you’re smart. You could work out a plan to see her again. Blindside those fuckers who’ve got her and make this right. The main thing is, you don’t give up. I’m guessing you’re her best shot at freedom, and she could do with a bit of help getting herself out of there. You know we’ll always help you. We’ll do whatever we can to help. You can count on us; Luca too. All of us would be there in a heartbeat to help you.”
“You know what, blondie,” I said, feeling re-energised after her pep talk, “you’re right. It’s not the battles that count, it’s the war. And this war? I’m gonna win.”
“That’s the spirit.” She smiled and used my knee as leverage to push herself up to stand. “For what it’s worth, those Contis sound like evil shits, and they deserve everything they’ve got coming to them.”
I started scrolling through my phone, looking for Nick’s number, but called out to Ryley as she walked out of the room.
“Are you going to Jackson’s office?”
“Yes. Why?”
I grabbed a broom that was leaning against the wall and held it out to her.
“You might want to use this to push his door open with first.” She frowned, then realisation dawned on her.
“Jesus, Cill. Remind me not to come into work the next time you have a rough day. I don’t think my nerves could stand it. Let me guess, bucket of water above the door?”
