Her hand arrested, she held his gaze. “I’m not sure of that, either.” She lowered her hand. “When Adrian suggested it, the idea seemed the obvious and sensible answer to the question of who should care for the children once he was gone. But after traveling with them and, through our experiences, coming to better understand what they need…” She shook her head. “I have grave doubts as to whether his aunt will be able to cope and provide the right support.”
Somewhat grimly, Toby nodded. “And she’shisaunt, not even their aunt. How old must she be?”
“Given how families can span the decades, that’s hard to say, but I would assume she would be at the very least in her sixties.”
“Do you know if she has children of her own?”
Diana grimaced. “The way Adrian spoke of her, I got the impression she was a spinster.”
Toby nodded. “I did, too, and I’m having trouble imagining a sexagenarian who has never had to deal with children managing our three.”
After a moment, she said, “Perhaps we can arrange to visit. To have continuing visits, so the three will know we’ll be there regularly to help them, if needed.”
He waggled his head. “The difficulty with that is—as we’ve learned—with children, incidents and issues arise without warning. They might need us to intercede for them the day after we leave the place.”
She grimaced and nodded.
Despite a near-smothering sense of uncertainty, he drew breath and said, “I’ve been thinking.” When she looked at him inquiringly, he elaborated, “About… what’s waiting for me at the end of this mission. About what you—correctly—said of me, that I need a purpose in life, meaning some situation that makes demands of me.”
Feeling very much on quaking ground, with vulnerability both haunting him and urging him on, he plunged into the morass of his emotions and revealed, “I’ve been thinking, wondering, questioning whether my previous view of what my life should be like, namely that I should cling to my status as a confirmed bachelor and, as far as children are concerned, further my standing as a favorite uncle is, in fact, the best future for me.”
Her lashes fluttered, then she refocused on his face. “I can’t imagine that would satisfy you.”
“No.” He nodded. “I can see that now. I used to think it would—that because all the rest of my family had their own families, there was no reason I needed to have a family of my own. And in a way, that remains true. I don’t need to have a family for the rest of my family, but I might need to have a family for me.” He paused, then much struck, more softly said, “Having a family of my own might be the best—the very best and most fitting—future for me.”
After a second of letting those words sink into his psyche, he glanced at her and saw she was steadily regarding him.
“You were made to have a family.” Her gaze remained steady, and her voice did, too. Steady, sure, anchored by certainty and conviction. “That’s something that comes from inside you, a combination of traits that’s innate and inherent in the man you truly are, not something that derives from outside forces, not even from a family name and the background that comes with that.”
His hands between his knees, he laced his fingers, gripped tight, and forced himself to seize the moment and take the next step. “In order to have a family, I will, self-evidently, require a wife, and I can’t help wondering whether there’s any possibility that I might interest you in the position.”
As a proposal, it was anything but direct, yet meeting his open and honest gaze, Diana realized that, like her, he was grappling with the uncertainty of their positions, with the oddity of the way they’d met and the strange enforced intimacy of the journey and, above all, with the lack of knowing what might lie between there and London.
They could speak of their hopes and dreams, but neither could make any promises.
Not yet.
But understandings could be reached, and in that respect, she had her own contribution to make.
Carefully laying aside her sewing, she said, “Like you, for me, this journey has opened my eyes.” The words simply came; they were so obvious to her now. “I never really thought—never allowed myself time to think—of what my life would be like after my father died.” She lightly shrugged. “In my view, that of a devoted daughter, he featured as the linchpin of my life for as far into the future as I could see.”
She paused, looking back, then went on, “But then he died, and everything changed. And I had to start thinking—had to face the question of what I want my life to be like now that he’s no longer there to give it form and shape.”
She focused on Toby. “I’ve never trusted easily, yet within a day of meeting you, I trusted you.” She glanced past him toward the doorway and the stairs beyond. “I never thought of having children of my own. The truth is that, after nursing for years, I didn’t believe I had much by way of maternal instincts, until I found myself being mama to Adrian and Alicia’s three.
“So”—she blew out a breath—“over recent days, I’ve had my own revelations and unexpected insights to absorb.” She brought her gaze back to his face. “You asked whether I might, possibly, be interested in the position of your wife. The answer is that I might be.”
She saw hope—quiet but real—flare in his eyes.
He shifted, reached across, and took her hands, one in each of his.
“However”—she gripped his fingers warningly; she couldn’t go too fast—“despite the island and the hiatus it’s brought us, like you, I… feel we’re in the midst of such upheaval, that we have so many potential dangers to navigate and avoid on our way to safety, that deciding on anything definite seems…”
“Precipitate and unwise.” He tipped his head, studying her face, then added, “It would be tempting Fate.”
“Yes. Exactly.” After a moment, she voiced her biggest concern, the one that loomed largest in her mind. “This isn’t a normal situation, and who knows whether, once we reach safety and are no longer under threat, we’ll still feel the same way?” She met his eyes and squeezed his hands. “Not just about us and what each of us wants in life but about the children, too.”
He held her gaze for a long moment, then with the slightest of grimaces, inclined his head. “This is new—so new—to me, and it seems it is to you as well.” He drew a deeper breath and exhaled. “So yes, I agree. We… think about the prospect. Consider and see how it fits. Whether the notion of marrying each other suits on all the levels we can conjure.”
