He inclined his head. “I know why I did it, and in the same circumstances, I’m fairly sure I would do the same again. I know I would have acted without hesitation had Jager or Koch threatened you or the children or Helga.”
She looked at him as if all he’d said was self-evident. “Because we’re in your care—or at least, that’s how you see it.”
This time, his nod held more than a hint of ruefulness. “Indeed.” Never before had he considered much less cared about how such an incident would impact others’ views of him.
Never before had that mattered.
He sighed and shook his head. “I’m all at sea. Earlier, I went to check on the boys, not just to confirm they were in their bunks but also to try to gauge how they felt. How they’d reacted to seeing the deaths.”
“And?”
He frowned. “They didn’t seem bothered by the incident at all.” Puzzled, he added, “If anything, they seem more inclined than ever to put me on some pedestal.”
“I think that’s entirely predictable, don’t you?” Smiling gently, she half turned and leant against the railing so she could see his face. After studying his expression, she went on, “Think of it this way—they are Adrian’s sons. His background was much the same as yours. Inevitably, his sons will want to make themselves into the image they carry of him, which in many ways is the same as what they see in you.”
She paused, then with a hint of discovery coloring her tone, said, “You are who you are. One can take it for granted that you will react and do whatever it takes—even killing someone—to protect those you consider in your care and, most especially, those you love. The boys see nothing odd in that. To their eyes, your behavior was entirely laudable and, I suspect, also deeply reassuring.”
He thought about that, then lightly huffed. “I met Helga in the corridor. She told me—in her usual pragmatic and forthright fashion—that I had behaved precisely as I ought to have.”
“Of course. She would have seen the deaths as the Prussians reaping their just rewards.”
He tipped his head. “In that, she’s not wrong. They were, as Evelyn shrieked,bad men.”
Diana laughed softly. “And before you think to wonder how Evelyn now sees you, I should remind you that, if anything, she’s distinctly more bloodthirsty than her brothers. I can confidently predict that courtesy of your actions in the alley, you will have risen to fresh heights in her estimation.”
He reviewed all she’d said. “They see things in black and white, don’t they?”
“Yes. And in some cases, that makes their vision clearer than ours. Ours with all the shades of gray we, as adults, allow for.” She paused, then added, “Just because we see all the subtleties doesn’t mean that changes the picture.”
He considered that, then conceded the point with a tip of his head. Her observations and conclusions had eased much of his uncertainty, yet one source of his concern remained unresolved. Unaddressed.
Looking toward the vastness of the Mediterranean Sea, feeling as if he was taking his heart and his future in his hands, he asked, “And what of you? How do you see what happened in the alley?”
Has it changed your view of me? Has it altered your desire to join your life with mine?
Diana turned to look out over the water. “As I see it, the Prussians brought their fate down on their heads through their own deliberate actions. No one forced them to try to kill Heinrik and Eva, and God only knows what would have happened to you and us if they had.”
She swung around and, when Toby glanced her way, trapped his gaze. “We are all responsible for our actions and for their consequences.”
Faintly, he frowned, then arched a brow at her. “Consequences?” It was clear he wasn’t sure where she was steering him.
Secure in his character, certain of what lived at his core, she leant against the railing. “Yes, consequences. You accepted a mission to further Britain’s vital interests. To serve your country—a laudable endeavor by anyone’s yardstick. That mission transformed into getting me, the dispatches, and also the Fellows children from Vienna to London. Short of us actually reaching London—something I believe we can now take for granted—you’ve cleared every hurdle and achieved every goal. And despite all distractions—and I believe we can agree there have been many—you’ve remained steadfast in adhering to your mission’s ultimate goal.”
She paused, assembling her thoughts and the words with which to express them, then went on, “Tonight, if you hadn’t killed one Prussian and Eva hadn’t shot the other dead, what would have happened? Jager would have murdered Heinrik, and Koch would have killed Eva.” She met and held Toby’s gaze. “And then, very likely, Jager would have shot and killed you. All in front of the children and me.”
She had to pause to quell an upsurge of remembered fear. The emotion hardened her voice as she continued, “If you think seeing the Prussians die was unsettling for us, I can with absolute confidence state that from our perspective, the alternative would have been hideously worse!Thatwould have scarred the children for the rest of their lives, especially when they will shortly learn that their father has passed away.” She drew a steadying breath and went on, “Instead, the three saw what, for them, was a reassuring lesson, namely that people who wield guns with the intention of killing others can and will be stopped by people like you and Heinrik and Eva.”
He took it all in—she saw that in his eyes—then he simply said, “You haven’t told me how you feel. Howyoufelt, in that instant and later.”
She exhaled, then said, “For me…” She opened her mind to the moment, and the feelings that had buffeted her came roaring back. Her chin firmed. “It was bad enough when you were facing Heinrik and Eva. My heart had already leapt and was racing. I hadn’t realized I could feel that way—as if, in that instant, everything I yearned for in life was imperiled.”
Her memory rolled on, and her muscles tensed. “Then the Prussians arrived with guns drawn and cold-blooded murder in their eyes, and I knew—beyond all argument knew—that my worst nightmare was on the cusp of becoming a reality.”
She refocused on his face. “For me, that moment opened my eyes to the truth of my—our—situation. In that instant, I understood that there is no decision for me or us to make—no choice, no option. I’m already so deeply in love with you that if you die, my heart will stop, and my life will end.” She reached up and gripped his lapels, using her hold to anchor her while she searched his eyes and saw the wonder dawning there. If she could have smiled, she would have, but the emotions roiling through her wouldn’t permit the slightest levity—they were far too intent, too serious.
Allowing those powerful emotions free rein, she used her hold on his coat to shake him—or at least, try to. “In that wretched instant, I faced the prospect of losing you, you infuriating man!”
She hauled his head down and kissed him fiercely, possessively, with all the pent-up passion in her soul.
