Even in my dreams, I’m crying. And when I wake up with a startle, I’m still crying.
Chapter 24
Marco
Four years later
I refused every single one of their visitations. Every single one. And there have been many. Between Luna and Damion, they were non-stop, but no. I didn’t want them to see me like this. See what this place has done to me in the years that I’ve been here.
It was an open and shut case. I made Damion promise not to tell her when court was, so I didn’t have to see the hurt in her eyes. I couldn’t handle it. I knew I couldn’t handle it, and that’s why I did what I did.
This place hasn’t been easy, and maybe seeing her would help, but that isn’t an option right now. I can’t even look at myself most days after what’s happened to me here. I can’t imagine what she would see.
She’s written me letters that go unanswered. I wrote her one. Telling her how much I loved her and how much I needed her. Telling her that one day I’ll find her, but now she has to go on. She has to move on with her life because waiting around for me isn’t an option. Do you know how much that fucking broke me to say? Fuck. I didn’t even have to look her in the fucking eye and say it, and it still killed a piece of me. I broke down after that, and that’s when shit got bad for me. Don’t let these motherfuckers see you at your weakest because they’ll take advantage of that shit, and they did.
In the four years, I’ve been beaten, robbed, and raped. All the things you’d expect in prison, but that’s before I found my people. I’m safe now, or as safe as I could be. If you don’t pick a side, you’ll be left to fend for yourself, and that’s not a place to be in here. You’ll lose. You’ll always lose.
“You still thinking about her?” Pedro asks me as I look at the only picture I have of her. I had Damion sneak me one and send it, and she had no idea. That’s why it’ll always be my favorite.
“Look at her, man. How could I not?” I laugh as I flash him the photo of my Chula.
“She’s good-looking. Very beautiful.” I slide the picture back into my pocket and pick my cards back up.
“She’s a good girl. Just got herself a fucked up mother.”
“She’s dead, though, right?”
“Yeah. Her old crew leader killed her.”
“The one you killed?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
“Fuck, Marco. That’s some big ass mess, right?” he laughs.
“Yeah, it was. It’s over, though, right?”
“Yeah. You’re stuck here now. Doing five years.”
“Five fucking years for saving her ass. Makes sense, doesn’t it?” I joke.
“Nothing makes sense anymore. You know Jamie down the line? From what I hear, he didn’t even do shit, and they got his ass on a murder charge for life.”
“Are you shitting me?” He shakes his head.
“Nope. He isn’t going anywhere. Be happy they gave you what they did, Marco.”
“I am. But I also know I’m not the same person I was when I came in here. I don’t know how she’s going to take it when I get out or if she’ll even be around.”
“You think she’s going to wait for you?” he laughs now. “They all say that, man. They never wait. They find a new life, a new man. That’s how it works. You might as well start thinking about yourself and not her,” he tells me. He’s right. I’ve heard the stories. As long as I’ve been here, I’ve heard it all. Very few women stick around for their men. And I don’t doubt that Luna found someone else in the time that I’ve been here. If she did, it would hurt, but I’d be happy for her.
“You know I’m getting out early, right?” I tell him. His smile grows larger as he shakes his head.
“No. I didn’t hear shit.”
“Good behavior. This is my last month,” I tell him. I was shocked when they told me. I was shocked that it was even a thing. I wasn’t sure I could make it five years in here, but I’ve made it four. I just want to get the fuck out of here and see her. Doesn’t matter if she isn’t mine anymore. It doesn’t matter if she’s found the love of her life; I just need to see her. She doesn’t need to seeme, though. That’s why I asked Damion not to say anything to her about my release.
“Fuck, Marco. That’s damn good news, man. Not many get out for that. Just make sure your ass doesn’t end up back in here,” he tells me, pointing his finger at me as if to scold me.
