“Do you forgive me?” Gordon’s voice was reedy, his eyes filled with desperation. “Can you forgive me?”
Tanner’s voice broke as he said, “Yes, Gordon. Of course.”
Gordon closed his eyes with a big sigh. “Thank you. I’m so glad. So glad.” His head rolled to the side, and he lost consciousness.
“Gordon?” My heart froze.
Tanner touched his neck. “He’s… he’s still alive.”
“Jesus… what the fuck just happened?” I met Tanner’s frazzled gaze. “I don’t understand what the hell just happened?”
A muscle clenched in Tanner’s cheek, and he said quietly, “Gordon saved my life, that’s what happened.”
Chapter Twenty
Tanner
After Gordon was taken to the hospital and Crater had been dragged off in cuffs, cursing and threatening us, the cops asked us some questions about what had happened. I felt like a zombie talking to them; to be honest, I’m not even sure of what I said. What had happened earlier was spinning around in my head like a confused jumble. I was so relieved that Seth and I were unharmed, but also conflicted about how to feel.
Gordon had risked his life to save mine.
I’d been shocked when he stepped in front of me, placing his body between me and the gun. I’d have expected him to do that for Seth, but me? I hadn’t expected him to give his life for me. Had it just been guilt because of what he’d done to my dad? It hadn’t felt like that. It had simply felt like one human refusing to stand by and watch another be harmed. From everything Seth had ever said about Gordon, that made sense. Remembering Gordon’s shame over what had happened between him and my dad, I knew he’d never hurt anyone out of malice. If I hadn’t realized that before, I now wholeheartedly believed that.
Once the cops cleared out, Seth and I went to the hospital where Gordon had been taken into emergency surgery. Seth was really quiet, and I just held his hand, not sure how to comfort him.
Seth’s hushed voice broke into my thoughts. “If he dies… I don’t know what I’ll do.”
I squeezed his hand. “He won’t die. He can’t.”
“God, what a nightmare.” He met my gaze warily. “Do you hate him now?”
I frowned. “Hate him? No. He saved my life.”
He swallowed and looked around nervously. “Yeah, but he took your father’s.”
“I don’t know what to feel, I’ll be honest.” I turned to face him. “I don’t believe Gordon would hurt anyone on purpose. But… what happened, happened. I can’t just pretend it didn’t.”
“Yeah.”
“On the other hand, without Gordon, you might have never escaped the hell you were in.” I touched his stubbly cheek. “I don’t even want to think about that.”
He nodded, his mouth turned down at the corners. “Me neither.”
“After all that happened tonight, I can’t picture myself going to Detective Pole and ratting Gordon out. But it also makes me feel disloyal to the memory of my dad. Even if I didn’t really love my dad.” I blew out a tired breath. “Like I said, I don’t know how to feel.”
Seth didn’t say anything, but he leaned back in his chair with his jaw clamped tight.
I studied his face for a few seconds. “I also don’t want you to hate me… I mean… if I feel like Gordon needs to pay for what he did to my dad. I don’t want to lose you.”
He closed his eyes. “You won’t lose me.” He opened his eyes, and the pain there made my heart hurt. “But I won’t lie and pretend that it wouldn’t crush me to see Gordon arrested.”
“God, I know.” I pulled his hand to my chest, covering my heart. “I love you, Seth, and losing you is my biggest fear.”
“Same.” His eyes were warm. “I just wish none of this had ever happened.”
“If my dad had just come to me for the money instead of threatening you, then Gordon would never have even been involved in this mess.” I frowned. “And if my dad hadn’t jumped at Gordon, again, nothing bad would have happened.”
“But blaming a man who died feels wrong.”
