“Settle down. You’re not a jackass. You’re a dumbass. Get it right.”
“Thanks for that.”
“Anytime.” She’s quiet for a beat. “I don’t want to know about this, but it’s my next question in helping you figure this out… do you think of him while youget off?”
“No. That’s a hard line. I’ve always avoided thinking of anyone I know while doing that. I do the healthy thing and watch porn—ethically. I like watching couples who are together in real life?—”
She gags. “Things I don’t need to know.”
“I saw his butt before I showered tonight, and then in the shower it popped into my head,” I rush out. “And little Hardy was interested.”
She snorts at that. “Little Hardy. Has he ever been interested before?”
I clear my throat. “Kind of? The other morning we were goofing around, and I tried to tackle him, but he spun things around, and I ended up pinned underneath him on the floor.”
“Never tackle a linebacker.”
“Christy…”
She laughs. “Okay, then what?”
“I don’t know. It was like a whole scene from a romance novel unfolded in my brain. What if he kissed me? Would I want that? Again, little Hardy seemed interested. Obviously, nothing happened. He hopped off me and made a joke, like we’re just best friends. And we are. How would he respond to knowing I got hard at the thought of him? If I had feelings for him? I know he wants to find love, but what if I’m solidly friend zoned? I don’t want to screw up our friendship. He’s too important to me.”
“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” she says gently. “Don’t even go to the place of telling him or worrying about his reaction. You need to figure out your own feelings first. So, I’m circling back to what you said about hooking up earlier. Because an important question is why haven’t you hooked up? Are you growing out of that phase or is it because of him?”
I trill my lips. “I don’t know. But it’s not because I’m pining for his dick.”
“Good to know.”
“He likes staying in. And I like hanging out with him, so I stay in. We watch TV, talk, hang out, and that’s… nice.”
“Aw, you’re down bad for him. It’s so cute.”
“Shut up.”
She laughs and scooches to the edge of the bed, pressing her toes to my leg. “It’s great you have a friendship like that, but you need to ask yourself if it’s simply the friendship that keeps you wanting to spend time with him or if it’s starting to feel like more than a friendship and you’re leaning into that. And maybe you should consider letting yourself think about him duringalone time—or trying to hook up with someone and seeing what happens. You’re not going to find the answers to your questions if you never challenge yourself to find them.”
“Wow. That’s so mature.”
“I know. It’s gross, right? When did we become adults?”
“I have no idea, but I’m proud of us. You’re taking the world by storm, connecting people, and shining a light on the stories and culture behind the places you visit.”
“And you’re great at catching balls.”
“Thank you for that.”
“Anytime. Someone’s gotta keep you humble.” She smiles at me. “Figure out what you want, Ry. You deserve that.”
I know she’s right, but I’m scared the answer is Brian, and I’m terrified if it is, it’ll completely derail our friendship.
I’m not scared of much, but losing Brian Ackley is at the top of my list.
CHAPTER EIGHT
BRIAN
Regular Season Week 13
