Maybe Milo had something to do with this. He was so excited when we sat down for a drink at Boar and Badger, going on and on about how great it would be to work together again, this time in a professional capacity. And I can’t deny that I did get a spark of excitement at the prospect.
I love my life here, love my job and my garden and my thatched hut. But there are times when I feel underappreciated. The students don’t often stop and wonder who shovels the walks every morning so they don’t have to trudge through snow, don’t think about who tends the grounds and cares for the plants that make the campus so beautiful. But at the conservatory, that might be different. People visit theconservatory to appreciate the beauty and abundance, and given what Milo said to me, the community gardens would be a place where I could teach others what I know, where I could focus on growing foods that will feed people’s bellies and souls.
Even now, thinking about it makes me warm with excitement.
But Lyra’s face is right there as well. And she warms me in a different way. She makes me excited to wake in the mornings, wondering if I’ll see her. She makes me hungry in a way that only she can sate.
Will I be able to leave her?
I reach for my cup of tea and take a sip. It’s already lukewarm, which means I’ve been sitting here staring at the letter for quite some time. Now the only thing left to do is actually open it.
With fingers on the verge of trembling, I rip through the flap of the envelope, not bothering to reach for my letter opener, like I usually would. Before I can stop myself, I pull the letter free, unfold it, and allow my eyes to track across the page.
They . . . They want to hire me.
Me.A minotaur groundskeeper with so very little to offer. Yet they’re offering me the job.
I read further, and my stomach pinches.
They want me to start this spring, right after the holiday break, which means I’d only have a very limited time left here.
Limited time left with Lyra.
If she even wants to be around me anymore.
I let out a heavy sigh and drop my head back against the headrest of my armchair, then stare up at the ceiling.
And I ask myself,What the hell am I going to do?
Chapter 34
Lyra
EVERYTHING FEELS... WRONG. AFTER MIDTERMS and Samhain, I had so much hope, so much excitement. But somehow, it’s all blown away like leaves on an autumn wind. I keep thinking about that letter sitting on Cairn’s side table, wondering what’s going to happen, wrestling with the emotions writhing inside me.
I know I’m being selfish and hotheaded. I care about Cairn—of course I want him to have a job he enjoys, do something that gives him purpose.
But I’m also sad and jealous and left feeling like I don’t mean to him what he means to me. If he really cared, wouldn’t he have told me? Wouldn’t he have wanted to talk to me about it? Maybe he was afraid of this very thing happening: me getting upset, making a fuss, tearing the fragile thing we have—had?—into little pieces.
Why am I doing this? Why am Iacting this way?
I felt like I’d made so much progress with controlling my magic and my emotions. But all it took was this one thing to derail me. Now my fire’s acting up again, and so close to final exams... This could be it for me. If I mess up again, I might be packing my bags and not coming back.
Where I’m sitting in the deep window in my secret alcove, I pull my knees tight against my chest and wrap my arms around them. Juniper sits beside me, looking out the window at the snow-frosted trees in the Mistwood. Her little ears perk up, and she turns to look at the stairwell.
“Someone’s coming,” she says.
Great. Just what I need: another student seeing the volatile Lyra Wilder pouting around, probably thinking about what she’s going to burn down next.
“Lyra?” comes a familiar voice.
I sit up a little bit. A moment later, a blue head appears as Alina climbs the stairs. I tense up, waiting to see Raelan walking right behind her, but he’s not there.
Alina comes to stand next to me where I’m sitting in the window. She props one hand on her hip and arches a frosty brow. “I thought I’d find you here. Hi, Juniper.”
Juniper squeaks out a small greeting.
“Where’s Raelan?” I ask.
