She laughs now, almost spilling her tea in the process. “Well, wouldn’t you like to know.” One of her silvery-blue brows arches playfully. Then her expression sobers somewhat. “So it’s true, then. You’re considering leaving us?”
I hadn’t expected to have this conversation so soon, if at all. Truthfully, I didn’t even think my application would get far enough to warrant anyone bothering to reach out to Lysandra regarding a professional reference.
“I . . .”
She’s staring at me, gaze focused and unyielding. Somehow, it makes me feel like I’m a student sitting in her office after having misbehaved in charms class. I take another deep breath.
“I don’t know. I didn’t think they’d be interested.”
“They are interested, I can assure you of that. And if they do offer you the job, will you be leaving?”
My throat squeezes closed. Words don’t want to form into coherent thoughts, let alone sentences.
Why is that such a difficult question to answer?
Maybe it’s because I still haven’t answered it for myself. I keep taking this a day at a time, trying not to get my hopes up. I know what it feels like to have all your plans come crashing down around you, and since last that happened to me, I’ve tried hard not to let it happen again. As long as I don’t hope or wish too hard for anything, it can’t be stolen away from me.
“I don’t know,” I say at long last.
Lysandra narrows her eyes a bit, though not unkindly, then takes a sip of her tea. She stares into the lavender brew for a moment before saying, “Whatever you decide, I came here to tell you that I support you, Cairn. I love having you here, but Coven Crest isn’t all that’s out there for you. So, if you do decide to take the job, I want you to know that there will be no hard feelings here. Only well wishes and good tidings.”
Her words make me blink. Then blink again. My throat squeezes a little tighter.
“You’re not upset?” I ask, voice husky with emotion.
Lysandra laughs then. “Of course not. I’m certainly in no rush for you to leave—goddesses know hiring is terribly tedious—but if you do decide to take the job, I’ll be nothing but happy for you.” Her eyes flash mischievously. “And hopefully you’ll be able to get me into the conservatory with a friends-and-family discount, hmm? I do love walking through their gardens.” She laughs again, the sound friendly and floaty.
And despite the tension still squeezing my chest and throat, I somehow manage a chuckle as well. “I’d do my best, Headmistress.”
Lysandra sips at her tea and smooths her skirt over her knees. Her gaze goes to the fire still crackling in the hearth. “How are things going with Miss Wilder?”
My stomach almost turns itself inside out. I remind myself to breathe. She doesn’t know what’s been going on between me and Lyra. She’s just checking in, touching base. Nothing to be worried about.
I sip my tea, using it as a means of hesitation as I try to calm the galloping of my heart. Then I clear my throat. “It’s going... well.”
Lysandra flicks a gaze at me. “You sound surprised.”
My shoulders lift in a shrug. “I suppose I am.”
That’s true on multiple fronts. Nothing about Lyra Wilder has turned out the way I expected it to.
“She helped me transport sniffleblooms the other day,” I say, trying to focus on truths without drifting into dangerous territory. My brain provides an image of Lyra working at the garden bench, a furrow between her fiery brows, lips pulled into a focused pout.
The image almost makes me smile—until I quickly wipe it away.
“Oh no.” Lysandra sits up straighter. “How’d that go?”
Unbidden, another laugh slips out of me. “Great. I thought she’d sneeze all the way back to the castle, but she didn’t. Not one sniffle.”
“Wow.” Lysandra raises her eyebrows in an impressed look. “I’d never have guessed. And she’s not burned anything down? Set anything aflame?”
I shake my head. “No. She’s... Well, she’s been a help.” I tighten my fingers around my cup and take another sip. “She’s working hard.”
The headmistress hums thoughtfully. “I’m happy to hear that. You were my last hope, you know.” Her eyes soften when I look over at her. “I really didn’t know what to do with her—I wasn’t certain this would even help. So... thank you, Cairn. I appreciate you doing this.”
I’m not sure what to say, so I just nod and respond with a grunt.
“All right, I suppose I should get out of your hair now.” Lysandra finishes up her tea and stands from the couch. “Let me know when the conservatory reaches out.”
