He reaches out and strokes my face with the back of his knuckles and I stupidly lean into his touch, my eyes fill with tears. “Why Kitten, why him?”
“He owns me Cam, I have no choice. My heart belongs to him.”
“Not all of it, I have a piece, all be it a very small piece, but I know; I just know if you gave me a chance…”
I shake my head. “No, no Cam, it’s too late for us, you would’ve had to have met me when I was ten to have ever stood a chance.”
“I don’t believe you Kitten; don’t have a baby with him. Please, wait a while, think about it, think about what you really want. Who you really want. If he owns you so completely then why did you let me fuck you just a couple of weeks ago. All this time and the instant we are together it’s there, its back.”
His words and the guilt that I feel cause me actual physical pain, like an ice cold blade has been stabbed into my chest, dragged down to my belly and twisted around and around a few times and it’s no less than I deserve.
“I want you Kitten, no one has ever wanted anything more than I want you. Please, give me a chance, choose me, let yourself love me enough, let me show you how good it can be. I’ll never hurt you; I’ll never make you doubt me, not for a second.” A sob escapes me and fat tears plop from my lashes onto my cheeks, he wipes them away with his thumbs.
“I bought this house for you.”
“What?”
“That night, when we argued in the restaurant, when I behaved like a prick, I had put an offer in on this place, I knew you would love it. It was close to your parents and it had stables and you’d told me how you wanted to start horse riding again, that you hadn’t had time to get out to your Mum’s and ride and I saw the house, the location, the stables and knew you’d love it.” I shake my head in complete disbelief at what he’s telling me.
“I was all over the place that night,” he continues, “I was in negotiations to buy this place and I had a business deal falling apart in Amsterdam. Someone else was bidding on this and it looked like I was going to have to leave the country, that’s why I was in such a bad mood.” He swallows and I watch his adams apple bob up and down as his eyes dart over my face.
“But on the Saturday morning, the other party pulled out so the deal was done, this place was mine. That’s why I flew home from Amsterdam early, that’s why I came straight to the club. I wanted to tell you about the house, I wanted to ask you to move in with me.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing, I shake my head continuously, my tears flow, continuously and I hold my hand over my mouth, as I sob.
“I can’t do this, I can’t do this Cam. I don’t want to hear this, please, please, I’m begging you, leave me alone, just leave me to love my Husband in the way he deserves.”
He kisses each of my eyes. “I can’t Kitten, it’s killing me, I won’t chase you, but every chance I get, every time I see you, I will remind you of how it could, how it should be.”
He presses his forehead against mine.
“Buy the house kitten, live here and be happy.” He turns and leaves the room and I walk on shaky legs to the nearest bathroom, I splash my face with cold water and stare at myself in the mirror for a long while. I hear my Mum call my name, so I flush the toilet, wash my hands and head toward my Mum’s voice, wondering what the fuck I’m going to do now. I’ve already called Sean, and told him that I’ve found ‘The One’ and arranged for him to view the place with me tomorrow morning. Could we live here, would Cam really be happy that I lived here or would he hate it because it would be with Sean and not him?
My mother absolutely glares at me when she sees the state I’m in. I claim a headache to Vera and arrange to meet her back at the house tomorrow at ten and we leave. I’m shaking as I get behind the wheel of my Range Rover and see Cam standing in the front doorway, arms folded across his chest, once again, watching me leave him.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on Georgia?” I sob as I start along the driveway to the gates at the front of the property and I have to stop the car as I can’t see to drive, my Mum just undoes her seatbelt, leans across and holds me while I cry, stroking my hair and shushing me gently, the way she hasn’t had to do since the night Sean and I broke up. When I’m able to, I speak.
“Oh Mum, I’ve done something terrible, so, so terrible, I’m so ashamed of myself, I love Sean, with all my heart, you know I do, you know right?”
“Yes babe, of course, of course.”
“Then why do I have these feelings for Cam? Why does he affect me the way that he does? Why did I let him fuck me against his office door just three weeks ago? Why, why did I do that?”
She’s my Mum, I want her to have all the answers, I want her to tell me it will all be okay, that I’m not a bad person.
“Oh Georgia... you silly, silly girl, what were you thinking? Bloody hell child”
We swap places and she drives me back to her place, she pours us a glass of wine each and I tell her about what happened between me and Cam that night, then I tell her what he just told me about the house and then I drop the bombshell about not being on the pill and not using protection with Cam.
“Have you done a pregnancy test?” I shake my head.
“I did one before I went out that night and it was negative, I haven’t done one yet as I didn’t think it would show up and I didn’t want to give myself false hope that everything would be okay and any way, I had sex with Sean, later that same night.”
I start to cry again.
“When’s your period due?” she asks.
“In two days.”
“Well best to wait then but if it doesn’t come in the next three days, do a test and we’ll go from there.”
