I open my mouth to tell him, wait for the restraints to clamp around my throat, but they don’t come. This isn’t like Peter’s bargain. I’m not compelled to choose the Sister. She didn’t even command that I keep our bargain to myself.
So when the words fail me, it’s my cowardice that’s to blame.
I stare at the ground. Make circles in the dirt with my foot, willing the words to come out, but over and over again, I find myself choking on them.
Calloused fingers find my chin as Nolan lifts my gaze to meet his. “Darling, you need to tell me.”
I nod, swallow once more, and find the strength to force the words out. “I told the Sister that…that if she’d return you to me, that if we ever had children, she could have our firstborn son.”
Nolan’s fingers tense at my chin, but it’s the only movement he makes. The only sign he’s heard me. I expect to witness shock in his expression. Instead, he bores into me with his eyes, waiting for me to finish.
“I’m so sorry, Nolan. I just… I couldn’t lose you. Couldn’t let her abuse you, trap you. Keep you caged. But you don’t have to be with me. You’re free to go, make a life with someone else. I was specific. It had to be our firstborn son. If you had a child with another woman, it wouldn’t apply.”
“I’m not having a child with another woman,” says Nolan, his voice thick as wet sand.
I don’t know what that means, what to make of that, so I try to glance away. Nolan’s hand guides me back. “Tell me exactly what you said to the Sister.”
I nod because he deserves to know. “If Nolan and I have children, you can have our firstborn son.”
Nolan’s brow creases. “She didn’t have you amend it?”
I shake my head. “No. I expected her to. Didn’t think she’d let me get away with the ‘if,’ but I guess she didn’t want to give me a chance to change my mind, because she took the bargain immediately.”
“Mm,” says Nolan.
“I know,” I say. “It makes me uneasy, too. Seems too good to be true.”
Nolan shakes his head. “I’d think she’d have made you agree to lie to me, to tell me false conditions, except why let you tell me at all? She could have come up with any lie for you to feed me. Besides, she mentioned looking forward to meeting our son.”
My stomach sinks. “I don’t know.”
He blinks, his gaze clearing somewhat. “So you’re not compelled then? There’s no time limit on your bargain, and it was conditional on if we have children together?”
“Yes.” When he says nothing, I continue. “I never intended to go through with it. You have to understand that. I don’t even think… Nolan, I don’t even think I can have children. Peter never let me have any sort of prevention in Neverland, but it never happened anyway. Oh, not that I would dare assume you’d even want that with me. I guess that’s how the bargain sounds, presumptuous. But I just had to get you out of there.”
“Of course I would have wanted to have children with you, Darling.”
I startle, glancing up at Nolan, and find that my chin is warbling. “I know… I know in a different life…”
“Darling,” says Nolan, exhaling firmly on my name. “I want you. Regardless of what life we’re in. Do you understand that?”
My heart ticks in my chest. “How could you?”
“Whatever could you possibly mean?”
I gesture toward the space where the Sister once loomed. “I just gave away my firstborn son. What kind of woman would do that?”
Nolan shakes his head. “No, you made a bargain you knew you wouldn’t have to fulfill. It’s different, Darling. You’re not going to have to give up your firstborn son.”
Yourfirstborn son. I don’t like where this is headed.
“Nolan, don’t give me that nonsense about you ruining my life and me needing to find another man to have children with and grow old with. I won’t do it.”
Nolan rears back, and for a moment I think it’s in offense, but then he lets out a breathy laugh. “I’m fond of this Wendy. The one who stands up for herself.”
Tears sting at my eyes as my heart revels in his compliment.
“I’m afraid I’m too selfish to let you wander off with some other man. Of course I wanted to have children with you. But if you’re worried about disappointing me, I gave up that dream years ago, after Iaso died. There were moments, with you, when I must admit, I let myself hope. Let myself imagine, just for a moment. But I’ve never been so much of a fool to expect that for us. Honestly, I can’t quite believe that I’m standing here with you. Being with you, if you’ll still have me, of course, is more than I ever thought was possible already. If that’s all I’m ever compensated for a life that frankly doesn’t deserve this much, who am I to complain?”
