There’s a happiness bubbling up within me, but it’s so intense, so unfamiliar, it’s just as terrifying as it is pleasant. As high as I am, I find myself keenly aware that I can only float so high for so long before the air gets too thin to breathe, before I come crashing down, falling.
I’m only too reminded of that when, just as I’m about to fall asleep against Nolan’s chest, I notice silence where there should be the beat of a drum, stillness where there should be an ebb and flow.
For a moment, I think I’m imagining things. That I’ve worried myself into a hallucinatory state. I wait, sure that Nolan has just entered that phase of sleep where breathing comes less often.
But that doesn’t explain the fact that I can no longer hear his pulse.
“Nolan,” I whisper into the night, and when I get no response, I shoot up in bed, placing my hands on his shoulders. “Nolan,” I rasp, shaking him.
Nothing.
The lanterns have all died down, so I can’t see his face.
“No,” I whisper. “No, no, no. I just got you. I just…” My mind whirls, but I don’t know what to do. “Help!” I find myself screaming, and it sounds like someone else’s voice. Some mourning widow you feel sorry for as she screams from the streets over a situation for which there is no help. “Somebody help!” I wail.
I’m not sure how long it is before Charlie and Maddox come bursting into the room, lanterns in hand.
They take one look at Nolan, and Maddox says, “Get off of him.”
I obey, scrambling away from my husband as Maddox takes my place above him, shoving his open palms against Nolan’s chest, over and over.
Over and over.
Moments later, and something soft wraps around my shoulders. It takes me a moment to realize that Charlie has fetched me a robe and is tying it around me.
“Do you know how long he’s been like this?” Charlie asks, eyes sharp, discerning.
“Just a few seconds,” I say. “I was listening. I was listening to his heart when it stopped beating. At least, I think I was. I guess it’s possible that I had fallen asleep.”
“You did good, Wendy,” says Charlie, taking my face in her palms and directing it toward her. Vaguely, I’m aware of what she’s doing. Keeping me from watching as Maddox throws all of his weight into my husband’s chest, trying to get his heart to start beating again.
Something cracks. I think it might be a rib.
I choke on my own tears. “I did this,” I say frantically. “I did this to him.”
Charlie opens her mouth to deny it, but she must realize it’s no use denying what we both know is the truth, because she just says, “You did good. You got him help quickly.”
I rip my neck to the side, yanking myself from Charlie’s grip as I kneel over Nolan, conflicted between knowing I need to stay out of Maddox’s way, and wanting nothing more than to throw my body over my husband’s.
Sweat is pouring off of Maddox’s forehead, soaking his golden hair into a dusty brown. “Come on,” he mutters in between breaths. “Comeon.”
Another crack, and then the most wonderful sound.
Nolan gasps.
“Nolan,” I scream, throwing myself over him as Maddox launches himself out of the way.
Nolan groans, eyes blinking hazily.
“Wendy,” says Maddox, “he has a few broken ribs.”
I panic, realizing I’ve thrown my entire weight onto his chest, and draw myself away.
“It’s alright, Maddox,” Nolan whispers through rasps. A labored smirk appears on his lip. “It’s not as if my wife hasn’t wounded me before.”
CHAPTER 6
Idon’t sleep that night, but Nolan does. Maddox and Charlie assure me that it’s for the best, that he needs rest, but it takes everything in me not to rattle him awake every three seconds, make him tell me he’s still there.
