“Now don’t forget to exfoliate and use the lemongrass oil to prevent ingrown hairs.” She hands the thirty-something woman a small bag, slipping a bar of soap into it as she does. “If you have any problems at all, just text me.”
She sees the woman out and then turns to me with a tentative smile.
“How did things go with Josh?” she asks brightly. I expected her to put the focus on me and I was right.
“Things went well,” I say after a long breath. “We’ve decided to just be friends.” She crumbles into the chair across from me and opens her mouth to speak, but I hold up my hands. “It’s for the best. Really it is.” Maybe if I keep saying it to myself, I’ll start to believe it. The time with Josh was so brief. Still, since it’s ended, I feel like I’m missing a limb. As much as it hurts, it’s nothing compared to the heartache I’ll feel when he moves on. I always knew that we’d never be end game.
Maggie studies my face and I give her what I hope is a convincing smile.
“I think you two are great together,” she says finally.
“We are. As friends. Things are back where they should have stayed, and I am not going to mess it up again.”
Then why did you want him to kiss you so badly yesterday? I was practically begging him with my eyes to put his mouth on mine. When he pulled away, I felt the rejection like a shock that passed through my very being. Had he closed that door forever?
“Okay. I understand that you don’t want to lose him as a friend but do yourself and him a favor and don’t shut any doors yet. You say you aren’t built for relationships, but how much of that comes from Kurt?”
I can’t help wincing at his name. I haven’t even told her that he was at the restaurant on Saturday. I’ve been trying to forget it.
“You’re the best person I know, Betty, and you don’t have to be alone. I would hate to see you deny yourself the love you deserve because of some asshole you dated years ago.” Her words strike a chord with me, but I push them aside. I’m not here to talk about me and she’s just given the segue of my dreams.
“I hear what you’re saying, and I promise I will think about it. Now, speaking of dating assholes.” She sits up straight and gives me a warning look, but I plow ahead determined to say my piece. “Let me say what I came here to say, please?” She stares at me warily before slowly nodding.
“Go ahead and get it off your chest.” The indifference in her voice is a lie and we both know it. I take a deep breath and begin.
“I know you’ve been with Mark for a long time, and I don’t know how things are when it’s just the two of you. All I know is what I’ve seen and what I’ve seen scares me, Maggie. He is cold and controlling. Everything that makes you you all but disappears when he’s around. It seems like you’re bracing for impact, and it breaks my heart.” My voice cracks, but I keep going, tears filling my eyes. “I love you, Maggie. You are the kindest person I’ve ever known. You take care of every person who walks into your life, and I want you to show a fraction of that love to yourself. I’m not telling you to leave him. That is your decision, and no one else can make it for you.”
“I’ve never been alone.” Her voice is no more than a whisper and tears slide down her face. I lean forward in my chair and take both of her hands in mine.
“And you never will be. I need you to know that I am not asking you to choose me over Mark. Regardless of what you decide, I’m not going anywhere.” I want to wipe the tears from my face, but I can’t let go of her hands. “You know how you’re always getting me to close my eyes and picture different scenarios? I need you to do that for me now.” Reluctantly, she closes her wet, swollen eyes. “I want you to think about what you have with Mark. All the highs and the lows. How you feel when you’re with him, how he treats you, and how he makes you feel about yourself.” Her hands squeeze mine and I suspect I’m taking her to a place she doesn’t want to go. “Now picture it’s not your relationship. Pretend it’s mine.”
Her eyes snap open and when her stunned eyes meet mine, I know that the idea horrifies her.
“Would you want this relationship for me? For someone you love?”
“Never.” She mouths before collapsing in sobs. I squeeze into the chair beside her, wrapping my arms around her. She rests her head on my shoulder and cries harder. The harder she cries, the tighter I hold her. We stay like that for a long time and when we finally move apart, I feel like I’ve run another five miles. My T-shirt is wet from both our tears, and I grab a box of tissues from the sales counter.
“You know what’s crazy?” I ask, wiping my face with one and handing her the box. “I knew that I was coming here to say that, and I still chose to wear mascara.” She laughs as she gently dries under her eyes. Even after all that crying, she still looks lovely, whereas I look like a raccoon with severe seasonal allergies. “Are you okay?”
“No. But I’m going to be.” She stands and gives me another hug. “Thank you for loving me more than I love myself.”
“Right back at you.” I want to ask her what her plans are, but I don’t want to overwhelm her. Still, the thought of her attempting to leave Mark on her own frightens me. “You know you can stay with me if you want to, right?”
“Thank you, love. That means a lot to me.”
“And you won’t do anything alone, right? You’ll let me know so I can be there… to support you?” I’m trying my best to be subtle, but she gives me a look of understanding. She knows I’m afraid of what might happen if she tries to leave Mark on her own.
“I won’t do anything without you. I promise.”
I stay a little while longer. She brings out a cooling mask for our flushed faces and we sit in her treatment room eating cookies and chatting. She seems distracted, which doesn’t surprise me. I have given her a lot to think about. When I leave, I feel lighter than I have in weeks. Maggie’s breakthrough was a long time coming, but I think she’s finally in the right place. I hope so at least. I meant what I said, I will support her either way.
My phone rings and when I see the caller ID, my good mood vanishes.
Mother.
“Hi, mom.”
“Hello, Elizabeth. Did you think I’d forgotten about you?” Her voice is tight, as though I’d somehow kept her waiting.
