The moment I turn the corner after exiting the bathroom, I collide with a firm chest. I stagger backward, ready to apologize, but the apology on my lips dies the moment my gaze focuses on the face attached to that chest.
“Betty?”
He looks good, but then he always had. Same strong jaw and piercing blue eyes. He’s clean-shaven as usual. I’m standing close enough to him to spot the tiny scar that rests just above his left eyebrow, the result of a biking accident as a kid. He looks shorter than I remember, but that can’t be right. I remember that I’m wearing heels, something he disdained when we were together. He’s almost five foot ten, but he hated anytime I wore them. He said it was that I looked ridiculous in them, but I knew better.
He wanted to keep me small.
“Hello, Kurt.”
“How are you?” he asks, inching closer to me. Everything inside of me begs me to step back, but I won’t give him the satisfaction. “You look great. Really great.” I watch his eyes slowly roam over my body, and I hate it.
“I’m well, thank you.”
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Kind of crazy how we’re just bumping into each other. I wasn’t even planning on coming here tonight. It’s almost like the universe willed me here.” I swallow and say nothing. My tongue feels heavy and my mouth is dry. “Are you here alone?” Am I imagining things, or did he put emphasis on the word alone?
You’re going to end up alone. You know that, right?I remember the mix of panic and hatred on his face when he’d said those words to me.
“I’m not alone,” I say, quietly. This is becoming too much. It’s time to walk away. Say goodbye and walk away.
“Who are you here with?” he asks, furrowing his brow, his eyes leave me to do a quick scan of the restaurant.
“That would be me,” Josh says having just appeared by my side from out of nowhere. He’s smiling at him, but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “And who might you be?”
“Kurt,” he says, looking Josh over warily.
From his place beside me, I can feel Josh tense slightly. But that doesn’t make sense, does it? I’ve never mentioned Kurt to him. He nods at him, the smile still in place, then focuses his attention on me.
“Do you want to hang around, or would you like to go home?” His expression softens as he looks at me. He’s not telling me what to do. He’s not throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me away from my problems. He’s telling me that it’s my call and letting me know that he’s here to support me regardless of what I choose to do.
“Please take me home,” I say, nearly choking on my gratitude for him. I feel stronger just knowing he’s here. Using that newfound strength, I turn to the man who took years of my life away from me. “Goodbye, Kurt.” I turn on my heel and walk away from him before he can respond.
Josh walks me to the table and helps me into my coat.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks as we make our way to the door.
“I really don’t.” I can’t. I just can’t. “Is that okay?”
“Of course, Betts. Can you walk in those things? Or should we grab an Uber?” he says smirking at my boots.
“Just don’t ask me to run in them.”
The air is damp and cold against my skin and I’m grateful that I brought my warmer fall coat. Exhaustion sets in as my fight-or-flight response fades and I know the fresh air on the walk home will help revive me. I bury my hands in my pockets and clench them into fists. With every fucked-up thing that’s happened in the last week, I still would never have dreamt of putting a run-in with Kurt on my bingo card. The universe willed me here. As far as I’m concerned, the universe can will him over a cliff.
Things with Kurt started out fine. He was a little set in his ways, but I craved structure and adapted to them. After a couple of months, he began to be a bit more critical of me. I shrugged it off and told myself that honesty was something to value. Things progressed so gradually that I wasn’t even aware of what my life had become before it was too late. I moved in with him after six months and by then he was picking out my clothes and deciding who I could hang out with. He chose what we did and who I studied with. We had sex when and how he wanted to.
I knew I needed to get out and the decision to finally leave was completely on a whim. He left for work on a random Tuesday, and I packed as much as I could carry into my suitcases and ran. He was furious, but I refused to go back. He said he loved me, that he did everything for me, and that I was incapable of returning his love. Because I was selfish. Because there was something wrong with me. I don’t know if I would have gotten through it without Maggie.
Maggie. Is Maggie okay? I know Mark acts like an asshole when I’m around, but I’ve always assumed that it’s because he hates me. Is he like that all the time? How does she stand it? I remember how Kurt treated me and understand how. It’s because she thinks it’s normal. He’s conditioned her to think it’s all she deserves. A new fireball of hatred for Mark builds in my gut and I actually growl from frustration.
Josh gives me a look of complete understanding. “I know.” Is all he says.
My feet are swollen and sore by the time we make it back to the apartment. I’m not sure my feet could have withstood much more torture. I pause inside the entrance, not wanting to take the stairs. Josh reads my mind and heads straight for the elevator.
“They are very pretty boots.” His lopsided smile appears as he presses the button.
“So pretty.” I groan as I hobble into the elevator. I lean back against the wall and face him. “Thank you for coming tonight. And for being there for me when I needed you. It was nice just being with you. I missed you.” So much.
“I missed you too,” he says softly. The elevator opens to our hallway. I don’t want the evening to end, not when I have so much more I want to say. We step into the hall, and he pauses outside his door. Is he going to invite me in? “I’d like to start running with you again, but only if you want me to.”
