“What?” I glance around the table, but my gaze shoots back to Carly.
“Youlikehim.”
“I do not.”
“You’re questioning the belief system your entire personality is based upon. I think it’s clear you like him.”
My words come with a derisive laugh. “Saying it’s nice to have some strength and handyman skills around the house does not mean I’m deconstructing my belief system. Besides, we barely even know each other.”
Carly snickers. “I think you know enough to have a raging crush.”
“A raging crush, please!” By the look on their faces, not a single one of my friends buys what I’m saying. “Okay, I can admit to being attracted to Hess and finding him bearable, but that doesn’t mean I have a crush. You know me. I don’t have crushes.”
“Until now,” Blair says under her breath.
“What would be so wrong with liking him?” Emma asks.
“It would complicate everything.”
“You’re living with the man,” Carly snorts. “I think things are already complicated.”
“So what, you just want me to throw caution to the wind and jump the guy?”
Blair smirks. “Why not?”
I list each reason, counting them off on my fingers. “Because it would make living together awkward. Because I’m busy at work and need to focus on becoming a partner. Because I’m incapable of being in a relationship.”And because I’m scared he’ll break my heart and leave like every other husband I’ve seen in my life.But that reason is too vulnerable to say out loud, so I keep that one for me alone.
“None of those are good enough reasons not to chase after a good guy,” Emma says, and I refrain from snapping back with some rude comment about how she’s not chasing after Vinny.I feel attacked and backed into a corner, but I love Emma too much to embarrass her like that.
“Okay, then, how about the reason that I’m trying to convince my sister she’s making a mistake by getting married to a man she barely knows. How will it look if I suddenly go all in on a marriage with a man I barely know?”
“You’re never going to convince Selena.” Blair slaps the table like she’s fed up with my resistance. “So kiss the hot cowboy you’re married to!”
“I agree.” Juliet nods.
“But what would be the point? We’re getting divorced in four months.”
“There’s never a point to your dating.” Everyone stops and looks at Juliet. She nervously tucks her blonde hair behind her ear. “Sorry, I just mean, most people date to marry, but you don’t believe in marriage, so why do you keep dating? It’s never made sense to me.”
“Because it’s fun.” And because no one wants to be alone, especially me.
“Then there’s your answer.” Carly flashes an animated smile. “What could be more fun than kissing the hot cowboy? Money doesn’t have to be the only benefit to your marriage.”
I get it.
If I were in my friends’ shoes, I’d take one look at Hess and dish out the exact same advice. In fact, I’d be even more aggressive about making the most out of this marriage. However, the advice is harder to take when my heart and feelings are on the line.
“Listen”—Blair drills me with her eyes—“nobody here thinks this marriage will actually last. We know you too well to even suggest that. All we’re saying is that you like the guy, and normally when you like someone, you play the game, control thetempo, have a little fun. The fact that you’re refusing to do that in this situation seems out of character for you.”
She’s right. Typically, I play the game hard, and when I’m controlling how things go, I don’t get hurt. I stay long enough to have fun and then leave. I could do the same thing with Hess but not play the game so hard that he gets hurt. Just some harmless flirting to ease some of the attraction between us.
Because Heaven knows if I have to see that man in a white tank top, carrying a bale of hay over his shoulder one more time, I’m going to snap.
I glance around the table. “So you guys don’t think it’s a bad idea to flirt with Hess or maybe even kiss him? You know, just innocent stuff.”
They shake their heads in unison.
Permission to like my husband. In a way, that’s what I’ve been wishing for the last few weeks.
