“Painting, drawing, swimming, sneaking away from home. In spite of everything that’s going on. That’s the happiness we need,” Mathieu said. “Kissing. Is something we need.” He gently kissed Sven’s lips. “We have to dance in the darkness,” he whispered, letting his wet lips caress Sven’s.
Sven nodded in agreement as the words, the kiss, and Mathieu’s touch sank in. Mathieu was probably right.
Then he pressed his body against Mathieu’s and kissed him harder. He tasted sweet, from the river water. Sven put his arms around Mathieu’s neck, felt Mathieu’s thick, wet hair against his arms. His naked body, so close. His hardness against Sven’s thigh, Mathieu inhaled sharply, deepened the kiss.
A sound interrupted them. The snapping of a branch echoed across the river, and they drew apart. Sven turned around.
A shadow was moving among the trees.
29
When Didrik had gone, Bente remained sitting up in bed for a while. She was surprised that he had gotten so upset. Certainly it wasn’t strange for her not to share personal stuff with someone she’d met only recently? Okay, so they’d spent a couple of nights together, had sex, had a good time—but surely he saw this as something temporary, like she did? She’d never for a moment thought it could be anything else. Why would Didrik, who could easily have anyone he wanted, be seriously interested in her? Was this about his bruised ego? Maybe he was used to people turning to him for all kinds of reasons, just because he was famous?
Yes, their night had been amazing, and she loved being with him. Still, she couldn’t understand why he would want her. He had come so far in life with his stellar TV career; he’d been married and had been planning a family. Meanwhile, she lived as if she were ten years younger than she actually was. Until a few months ago, Didrik had had everything he’d dreamed of. She couldn’t contribute to any of those dreams, so why would he want to be with her? No matter how she looked at things, she always came back to the same conclusion—he needed to get over his ex-wife, move on with his life, and Bente was a perfect way to achieve that aim. In that context, she couldn’t open up to him. Which meant that she had to let him go.
Even though everything within her wanted to run after him.
Her coffee had gone cold. She carried it into the kitchen and poured it down the sink. The machine was empty, so she refilled the pot with water and scooped coffee into the filter.
Hanna came in and put down her empty cup. “Has Didrik gone?”
“He has.”
“He’s nice. He seems to like you.” Hanna smiled.
“I’m not sure about that. When he left we’d ... had a bit of a falling-out.”
“About what? Something to do with work? You both seem really passionate about this show, so I can imagine there might be the odd disagreement.”
“No, nothing like that. He thinks I don’t open up to him, that I don’t tell him things. About Dad, for example.”
“And that made him angry?”
“Not angry exactly, but ... he’s the kind of person who talks, shares everything. The mood between us got a bit strange.”
“Why don’t you want to talk to him about Dad?”
“We don’t know each other very well yet.”
Hanna looked thoughtful. “I think Didrik has a point. In order to get to know someone, to become really close, you have to share, find out more about the other person. You can’t get to know each other well without doing that.”
“But I’m not sure what this thing between us actually is. And I do let certain people in. You and I talk about everything.”
Hanna tilted her head to one side. “We do—but we’re sisters. This is about letting a man get close. Have you ever done that? Give Didrik a chance. He obviously wants to get to know you. Not all men are like Frederic—he wasn’t interested in that level of commitment, which I suspect suited you perfectly, because that meant he couldn’t see the real you. Henrik tried, but he didn’t succeed. It’s all because you find it so difficult to open up, to let people get to know you. Which may be because you still haven’t properly worked through what happened with Dad.”
Bente didn’t know what to say to that. However, Hanna was right when she said that Bente had always kept a certain emotional distance when it came to relationships with men, a bit like an invisible barricade. Henrik had done his best, and she had talked about her dad a little bit. But after that she had avoided the subject, and Henrik had respected her wishes.
But when she thought about it, she always came back to the knowledge that one of the people she loved the most, the only man she had ever loved unconditionally, had taken his own life. Bente’s love hadn’t been enough. All these emotions formed what felt like an enormous dark hole, at the bottom of which might be fear. She didn’t really know what she was afraid of. She just felt a kind of primal instinct to keep any man she could fall for at a safe distance.
When she went back to her room, her phone was flashing with a new message.
It was from an editor on the TV showKrissie.
Hi, I heard about your new show from Elnaz, it sounds super-exciting. Would you like to come on Krissie to talk about wine one evening?
Krissiewas the show that aired five evenings a week, hosted by Didrik’s aunt Kristina Storm. Bente had been on the show a few times in the past, and in the time since she’d left the limelight, it had gotten even bigger.
She quickly replied, saying she’d love to do it.
