Once again she gazed at the photograph of the bottle and wondered how it had ended up on board that particular ship. The idea struck her—this could be a fantastic subject for a TV show! Looking at wine in a historical context, a shipwreck wine from the Second World War ... But a second later she squashed the thought, remembering: Her TV career no longer existed.
She was a has-been.
2
The glare of the spotlights was merciless, and Didrik Holgersson had to make a real effort not to squint at the cameras and the audience. He couldn’t see the people in the studio because of the bright lights. Still, the thought of all those faces turned toward him made his skin crawl.
“Welcome back toThe Experts.” The show’s host, Madeleine Hägg, was one of Sweden’s finest, in Didrik’s opinion, and her tone was warm. “For new viewers, let me introduce our program’s historian, Didrik Holgersson.” Madeleine then introduced the other members of the panel and the week’s special guest, a former minister of education. The day’s topic was education. Madeleine turned to the minister. Didrik exhaled, then drew in as much oxygen as he possibly could. Why was his bow tie so tight? It was almost choking him, and he thought he could feel his tweed jacket chafing him through his shirt.
The Expertsaired on TV24 on Thursday evenings, and Didrik was a permanent member of the panel, which also included a sociologist and an economist. An appropriate guest joined them each week to discuss a new topic. The show was one of TV24’s most popular offerings, and Didrik usually loved the live tapings. There had been some lively exchanges tonight, and everyone knew their subject, but right now Didrik just wanted the recording to end so that he could get away.
The minister had finished talking, and Madeleine turned to Didrik. He bought himself a few seconds by taking a sip of water, tried to focus his senses—make eye contact with Madeleine, listen to the question,push aside all thoughts of Lovisa. He concentrated on his breathing. He couldn’t have a panic attack in front of the audience.
“So what’s your view, Didrik? To what extent do schools play a greater role in society today than in the past?”
Didrik formulated the response in his head, thinking about history and all the parallels he could draw to make the studio audience and the viewers think the matter through. Then he said something off the cuff that generated laughter in the studio—delivering clever answers that made history easy to understand was his forte. Slowly he let out a long breath. He loved his job, and recording shows like this was part of that enjoyment.
His mind wandered to what had happened. Lovisa, his wife, had said that she was leaving him. Was it his work that had led to this decision on her part? Surely he hadn’t been away that much—no more than Lovisa.Shewas the one who’d had her hands full recently, with that prestigious international study.
Applause rang out, and Didrik was brought back to the moment. Madeleine wrapped up the show and thanked the participants. Didrik stood up and quickly wiped his palm on his pants before shaking hands with the other panelists.
Lovisa’s words echoed inside his head. He broke out into a cold sweat. He had to get out of here. His shirt was beginning to feel damp beneath the thick tweed jacket.
He gave the production team a quick wave and prepared to sneak out—he didn’t need to stay around for polite chitchat. He was turning to leave when he heard Madeleine’s voice behind him. “Didrik, do you have a moment?”
He stopped, turned back.
“I wanted to talk to you about the new idea we ran by you—I believe you received the outline? I thought it sounded really exciting. You were going to get back to us?”
“Oh yes, I was ... Yes ... absolutely.” He looked around. He had no memory of what he had promised to do.
Madeleine was still looking inquiringly at him.
“Like I said, I’ll get back to you. Thanks for a great show.” Once again he turned away.
His bow tie felt like a snare, was it tighter than usual? Or had his neck swollen? He thought he was going to be strangled at any second. He hurried out into the corridor, finally escaping from the stuffy studio, and tried to get some oxygen into his lungs, but it was hot here too. Jesus, had they cranked up the heating in the entire TV24 building? Didn’t they know that the price of electricity had gone through the roof?
This isn’t working anymore.That was what Lovisa had said, and she had meant it.
Those words had come as a shock to him on Sunday evening. Sure, in the days leading up to it—weeks, now that he thought about it—she had been evasive, but he knew she had a lot to do at work, and had assumed that was all it was. There were periods when they were both incredibly busy, and they sometimes fell into bad habits, not paying each other enough attention.
Lovisa had been sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea. He’d registered the absent look on her face, and she hadn’t even glanced up when he came in. As usual, he’d suggested one of those crime shows they both liked.
“I’m going to get ready for bed.” She had stood up.
“Is something wrong?” he’d asked.
She’d taken a deep breath. “This isn’t working anymore.”
“Have you been talking to my mom again?” Didrik had sighed. “I know you both think I’m doing too many recordings, but I’ve got a break coming up in a few weeks.”
Didrik’s mother and Lovisa were touchingly in agreement on many things, most of all the fact that his TV work was a terrible idea. It took up a lot of time, and as a result his academic career suffered. Nothing was really happening on that front at the moment, which annoyed them both.
When Lovisa didn’t say anything, Didrik went on: “I know I’ve been out for a lot of evenings, but things are calming down now; we’llfinish recordingThe Expertsin a couple of weeks. And I’ve arranged a meeting with one of the professors at the university to discuss jumping in as a guest lecturer. You remember we talked about that, he’s the one who wrote ...”
“I don’t mean that. I mean this.” She’d waved her hand in the air between them.
“What? You mean ...?” He still didn’t understand.
