“Why didn’t you believe her?”
“I ... I don’t really know. I ...” He searched for the right words, looked out the window at the darkness. “I guess it reinforced my own self-image. Everything my father had always said about me wasconfirmed as soon as I found out she’d cheated on me; it was almost as if I’d been waiting for it. In my defense, she looked deeply in love in those photographs. She and Frederic had a long history together. It was just easier to believe that what I’d thought all along was true.”
“And what had you thought all along?”
“I guess I’d been waiting for her to realize that she didn’t want me.”
Nora gazed at him for a long time. “But why? Does that have something to do with your father as well?”
He looked away. She already seemed to know more about him than anyone else ever had.
“Well, as soon as something goes my way, my father tries to take me down a notch. That’s what happened with Bente. As soon as my father saw that my relationship with her was boosting my TV career, he told me it would never last. Every time I have an idea of my own, he undermines me.”
“In what way?”
“He’s ... He’s always found ways to humiliate his children, whenever we’ve tried to go our own way without his blessing. Like the dog thing.” He fell silent, wishing he could take back those words.
“The dog thing?” She raised her eyebrows.
He had never told anyone about it. He had discussed it with his mother once, because she had been there at the time. He looked at Nora, wondering how she would react to this story. Would he come across as trying to win sympathy points? But the story revealed a great deal about both Henrik and his father. The dog thing had become a symbol for all the humiliation and bullying that he and his siblings had endured over the years. Maybe Nora would understand him better if he shared his story?
He would never forget that late-spring day at his childhood home. They had eaten dinner on the patio among the lilacs in the evening sun, seated around the big white wooden table. Henrik was fourteen, Tom was twelve, and Camilla would soon turn nine. Henrik had just finished a school project on political ideologies, and had said at dinnerthat he believed the significance of money was exaggerated. Henrik put forward the idea that money didn’t mean anything. He didn’t remember his exact words, but he did remember his father’s wolfish grin.
“So money isn’t everything?” Hasse stared intently at Henrik, then at Tom, then Camilla. “You do realize you can say that because you grew up with plenty of money?”
Henrik didn’t answer.
“So kids—how about a little competition?” Hasse went on.
Henrik never turned down a challenge, but he knew this wasn’t going to be fun. Tom and Camilla seemed to feel the same way, judging by their silence.
“Hasse, please.” Mom looked up from the boiled cod on her plate.
“Someone could win ten thousand kronor!” Hasse said, ignoring his wife.
“What?” Tom’s jaw dropped, and beside him Camilla let out a gasp. Henrik’s eyes widened.
“I’d like you to crawl across the garden on all fours, barking like dogs. Fastest wins.”
Tom laughed.
“I’m not joking,” Hasse said, putting down his knife and fork. The clatter of the cutlery on the plate was the only sound in the still evening air. Hasse wiped his mouth with his napkin, set it down, and looked at them, one after the other. “I’m going to throw a stick, you bark like dogs and go after it on all fours. The one who reaches the stick first and picks it up in their mouth wins.”
“Hasse, is this really necessary?” Mom’s expression was reproachful.
“It’s entirely voluntary.” He got to his feet, went over to a lilac bush, broke off a thin branch, and stripped off the leaves and flowers. “Okay, who’s in?”
Mom slammed down her knife and fork, stood up, and marched into the house.
The siblings laughed and looked at one another as if it were a game, as if they were trying to convince one another that this would be fun.
Henrik realized that his point about money not being important would be completely lost, but ten thousand kronor was a stunning amount of money. He wouldn’t need a summer job, wouldn’t even need a part-time job for the rest of the year. And besides, it was just a game, wasn’t it?
But he was too old to pretend to be a dog, and Tom would never play a game like that. The only one who still did that kind of thing was Camilla, but she, too, realized that something was amiss, and her eyes darted between her two brothers.
“I am,” Tom said.
“Me too.” Henrik felt his morale and his values evaporate as he uttered those words.
