“And that’s the worst thing that could happen, right?” Hal interjected, crossing his arms.
Was it the worst? They made it out to be. “I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to; it’s written all over your desperate face.” A humorless chuckle escaped him.
I lost my hold on my anger. “Maybe I am desperate. I could be eliminated if I mess this up. I have no purpose if I cannot fulfill my use to the Greater Good. Without a purpose there is no place for women like me. I don’t expect you to understand, nor am I interested in your approval.”
“Only the Illum’s approval,” Hal declared.
“Why are you here?” I demanded. He didn’t know me. He didn’t understand. He was a man. He wore blue. He had not been conditioned as I had been. He had no right to judge me. I signed the contract willingly. Collin had been kind. It was more than most received.
“Beats me,” Hal said, reaching the door. He gripped the doorway tightly. “He’s wrong.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said he’s wrong. Your proposedMate.” Hal spat the word like it tasted bad. “You weren’t the most beautiful thing in the room.”
“You didn’t see me last night,” I interjected, thinking of the woman I had beheld in the mirror. Being the most beautiful might have been a stretch, but with my defect covered, I had felt beautiful.
“Were you wearing that thing?” He gestured to my matching gaze.
“Of course.”
“Then he was wrong. You were covering what makes you beautiful.”
My eyes collided with his. Shock hollowed me out. No one had ever called my defect beautiful. People couldn’t even look at it.
Hal shook his head as he walked out, leaving me more confused than ever.
I hurled the pen at the empty doorway.
CHAPTER FIVE
NINETY-SIX HOURS HAD PASSED. FOUR FULL DAYS. HAD ITnot been for the flowers that had slowly begun to wilt on my desk and Lo’s constant badgering for updates, I might have believed I had made it all up. There had been nothing from Collin, no message, no other gifts. At this point, I would have welcomed a visit from Hal. Our parting words had been unkind, but fighting with him would at least provide a distraction. Nothing. I did find the pen I had chucked after him on my desk the following morning. It could have been anyone from the janitorial staff that put it back.
Maybe Collinhadbeen judging me. Maybe it had all been a test and I had failed spectacularly. Maybe my defect that knew no bounds had won yet again. Perhaps the Starlings’ efforts and the lens hadn’t been adequate.
Four days in, the lens felt like sandpaper in my eye. A part of me was desperate to take it out. Call it stubbornness, perhaps just stupidity, but I couldn’t. Even as my eye burned incessantly, I wouldn’t remove it. I had taken to squinting or keeping my left eye fully closed. If I took it out, then this silence might actually mean I had failed. For some reason the idea of being rejected by Collin bothered me.
I racked my brain again for the proper procedures for the Procreation Agreement I learned at the Academy. There was the initial meeting, which could be conducted in private or public. Collin had opted for a public initial meeting with a Defect.
Then there was the contract. Several different contracts were well used. We all feared the Procreation Contract with no public Courting Phase, no cohabitation, and no support. Just breeding. It was a ticket straight to the Sanctuary. Then there was the contract with public Courting and cohabitation for the procreation phase. Once you were pregnant, you moved to the Sanctuary. Then there was the one everyone hoped for, but only a few got. The one Collin had proposed to me freely—public Courting, cohabitation for procreation, and the postpartum period when the offspring dwelled in the living quarters before going to the Academy. Those contracts usually led to a continuation for a second offspring if you produced an Elite offspring. If approved by the Illum.
By him, I reminded myself. Collin was an Illum.
A chill crept down my spine at the thought. Was this different because Collin was an Illum? Was that why he didn’t see the point in the normal trials? Did he think being an Illum would easily eradicate my defect in our offspring? Questions and thoughts swirled in my head at a dizzying rate.
I laid my head against the cool surface of my desk. I couldn’t stand the game of it. But I hated myself for caring about something I had so fervently detested just days ago.
Here I was at the whim of the Illum and the Elite. Was this what they wanted?
“Do you ever work normally?” a smooth voice asked. Startled, I turned to find Hal leaning against my doorframe with that damn dimple of his.
“Would it bother you if I said no?” I asked. He had an uncanny knack for finding me in my difficult moments.
He chuckled. “No, I would say I had finally found—” He paused, his brow furrowing. “What’s wrong with your eye?”
“Nothing is wrong with my eye.”
