“Protecting me,” I hissed, my hand finding my empty chest. “Protecting me how? By keeping me in the dark? Is that your idea of protection? Was it protection when you left me to walk out in front of all the Elite with my hair and dress destroyed? So it was obvious what I had done. You knew the Illum were there. If I hadn’t run into Gregory, I could have been hurt or eliminated.”
I suddenly hated the way my very skin felt. The wrongness of it—of me. I stared at Hal. “I have been lying, protecting you. I was willing to cut out my chip for you. I risked everything for you.”
“Like Collin hasn’t been lying to you too,” Hal spat.
“He’s an Illum, Hal. The consequences aren’t the same. Maybe I wanted to trust him at first—”
“Is this where you defend him? Tell me he’s different again?”
Anger speared through me. “No, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying, Emeline?”
I didn’t know. When it came to Collin I didn’t know how to hold both truths: that the man who could show kindness and apologize for my birth family’s treatment of me was the same man who ordered Christopher’s death.
“I saw the way you looked at him on the dance floor. He’s a fucking Illum and you stood out there in front of everyone like you wanted it—wanted him,” Hal snarled, and I winced. “The Illum are killing people.”
“So are you,” I whispered, admitting the truth I had attempted to ignore. “Did you ever think to just ask me to help? To tell me the truth. To give me a choice. Or did you think we were all too brainwashed above the surface to be capable of helping?”
Hal stared at me, the truth there.
“You did, didn’t you?” I said, stumbling back—the weight of that truth pulling me under. “So, who does the Reaper actually plan on saving? Only those in blue?”
“Mostly, they’re the innocent ones,” Hal told me.
“No one on the ground or in the sky is innocent?” I asked.
“Not the ones I’ve met.”
“I’m one of those people, Hal. Am I not worthy of being saved?”
“You just defended an Illum,” Hal said coldly.
I laughed, but it came out defeated and cruel—my brokenness permeating everything. “I thought the Reaper was a brave man. I thought he was better than the Illum. He isn’t. There are good people up there.”
“You’re wrong,” Hal said. “He—”
“When everyone above the surface believes everyone below is uncivilized and defective and you all believe everyone above is immoral and self-serving, who wins? How can anyone win when you all hate one another?” I asked. Hal said nothing. “How are you any different from them?”
The door blew open as Gerald hurtled into the room.
“What is it?” Hal asked, whirling toward him.
Gerald vaulted the sofas, sprinting through the room, coming out with several Comm Devices. “Shit,” he said, his fingers flying.
“Gerald, what is going on?” Hal demanded.
“It’s not holding,” Gerald told him. “We need more time. They’re still in there.”
Our fight fell away as Gerald’s panic filled the room. “What do we need to do?” I asked.
“Wearen’t doing anything,” Hal growled. I ignored him.
“There’s a shaft on your floor that leads to an old tunnel. I need to get this cube there, now. I’m too big. I won’t fit. I need to get there right now. We have less than ten minutes.” Sweat beaded across his brow.
I looked from the papers to Gerald. For once, no one’s voice filled my head other than my own. I didn’t look at Hal as I said, “Tell me what to do.”
“Emeline, you can’t do this. If you’re caught—”
