“I heard he offered you a job.” No point avoiding it. My pitch was shaky, but it came out neutral enough.
“Full-time assistant coach. I’d work with him in the central office. Help oversee training camps and selections.”
I swallowed. “The central office…is in Colorado?” That was where the selection camp had been.
He nodded.
“That’s an incredible opportunity, right?”
His brows rose in disbelief, as if words alone couldn’t describe it. “It’s a dream job.”
The ache in my chest caught in my throat, making it harder to breathe. I’d already known what this job meant for him, but hearing the words made it worse. Made itreal. Enough that my heart cracked at the confirmation of what else I’d known since Diego stepped out of the arena’s back room.
This was goodbye.
Not just an end to whatever the past two months had been but an end to having Gabe physically in my life. To seeing him at game nights and grabbing coffee on the museum steps. To being able to hug him when I needed and taking comfort in the familiar fresh scent of his deodorant mixed with the salty musk of his sweat.
Yet I couldn’t not be happy for him. Happy something good had come from all this pain.
Except he didn’t sound excited.
He blew out a long breath and buried his head in his hands. “What does it mean if I don’t think I deserve it?”
My heart broke more at the doubt in his voice, at the jagged notes of confusion and weariness. “It means you gave all of yourself to something that didn’t work out, and that defeat makes it hard for you to accept how amazing you are.”
He scoffed. “I’m not. Just ask Evan.”
“What happened between you two yesterday?”
Gabe kept his eyes on the floor, like he didn’t want to look at me while he remembered. “We both said some things…some that needed to be said. A lot I wish I hadn’t.”
My curiosity swelled like a tidal wave, a hundred questions circling my mind, but I bit my tongue and focused on him.
“I don’t know how I got here,” he said, grief scraping the words from his chest. “It’s like I stepped into the ring at High Hitter two years ago and was knocked into another life. Some alternate universe where nothing makes sense. And each time I try to get back to a place I recognize, something else happens that smacks me sideways and takes me further from where I’m meant to be.”
I knew that off-kilter sensation. Like being tossed in a dryer set to high. Some days, I was still trying to regain my balance.
He shook his head. “This job wasn’t the plan. It wasn’t even a possibility. I was never supposed to be an Olympic coach, so how do I say yes when it never should have been?”
“Because things that shouldn’t be happen all the time. Cancer. Car accidents. Natural disasters. The kind too unlikely to believe. Saying yes to the good things is how we keep living.”
“I haven’t done a good job of that lately.”
“You haven’t stopped trying either.” Sometimes trying looked like training for a boxing tournament. Sometimes it was simply replying to a text.
It all counted. Even when it didn’t work out the way you hoped.
“I’m sorry about your gym,” I said softly, wishing I had better comfort to offer. “I know how much you wanted it.”
He stared blankly at the tulips. “I wanted to fix things with Evan too. Earn back his trust. I thought…” His mouth pulled tight. “I don’t know. I thought maybe I could fix it with the gym. But I don’t know what happens to that now.”
The longing in his voice was almost too much to bear. “Evan will be happy for you.”
He scoffed harder this time.
“Hey.” I scooched closer and almost reached for his chin but stopped myself, unsure if I could still touch him like I would have before. If we were still us or had crossed over into whatever we became next. “Look at me.”
He tilted his head, his eyes finally meeting mine. Their stunning blue was clouded with uncertainty.
