I felt untethered in a different way now, craving the experience of a fuller kind of sex. As if for years, I’d been buckled into a skydiving plane, and I was finally ready to jump. What I still needed was someone to jump with.
Trying a random hookup hadn’t worked. The bar Kelly had chosen for our night out was sexy too, but talking to that guy had left me the opposite of charged.
I ran my fingers along the smooth edge of my glass as my mind spun, letting my metallic press-ons catch the light. I never wore nail polish in the kitchen for risk of it chipping into the food, but my nails deserved to feel pretty during my off hours too.
I cleared my throat. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” Gabe said, setting aside his drink. “Anything.”
“Have you ever had sex in a public bathroom?”
His brows jumped before his lips curved with amusement. “Yes.”
I didn’t imagine it. Didn’t picture him locked in a tight space, rushing to undo his fly as legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer. Didn’t see his hands shove up a skirt and tug panties aside, his every movement frantic with need and the risk of being caught. I definitely didn’t imagine it wasmylegs around his waist ormyskirt he bunched.
“I’ve never understood what’s sexy about it,” I said, though that might not have been true anymore.
He nodded in understanding, then studied the table as if deciding how to respond. After a moment, he leaned in close. “It’s not the bathroom itself that’s sexy,” he explained, voice low and full in my ear. “It’s the urgency. The being so consumed by another person that you can’t wait long enough to get somewhere more comfortable or private. The feeling you’ll die if you don’t have them then and there, on the nearest surface, and knowing they need it just as bad. It’s not caring that everyone else in the building will probably know you’re fucking, because fucking each other is the only thing that matters.”
I tried to breathe and couldn’t. My body had drawn so tight there was no room for air in my lungs. I waited for him to continue, to give me more glimpses at the type of sex I wasn’t sure really existed, but he didn’t. His eyes caught mine in their snare.
“I’ve never felt that way before,” I managed shakily.
His gaze flashed to my lips so quickly I might have imagined it. “What about with your exes?”
“There’s only one. We weren’t big on PDA.” No way PatrickorI would have gone for bathroom sex when we were together.
A corner of Gabe’s mouth tipped up. “No bathroom sex. No New Year’s kisses. What was he big on?”
I stared at his lips asourNew Year’s kiss flashed through my mind. I could hardly remember who Patrick was, though I still felt a need to defend him. “It wasn’t all him. I didn’t push for more either.”
“Did you ever want to?” Gabe asked as if it wasn’t completely bizarre we were talking about this. More bizarre was how easy it felt.
Sex wasn’t something I talked about much, even with Evan. He and I discussed our love lives plenty, but not to this degree. I could see myself eventually trying with Dani or even Kelly, but not yet. Sharing it with Gabe was a relief.
“Maybe,” I answered but knew in my gut it wasn’t right. “Yes,” I corrected. “Or I would have, except…I didn’t really like sex with him much.” Guilt bubbled up at admitting it out loud.
“Why not?” There was no judgment in Gabe’s voice, only curiosity.
I studied the coral-pink color of my drink. “I’m not sure. I think I didn’tknowwhat I liked and was never fully comfortable to figure it out.”
“Seems like you two didn’t have much of a physical connection, huh,” he asked gently, as if I might be sad over it.
Maybe I was. Sad that Patrick and I had been closer to friends than anything else. We’d cared about each other deeply, but I wasn’t sure we’d ever truly desired one another.
But also sad we hadn’t. Sad we’d spent so long together despite missing something so obvious.
“He gave me a lot of what I needed back then, which I’m grateful for,” I said. “But I think I’m realizing how much I need something different now.” Something I’d only become aware of after Gabe walked into my kitchen on New Year’s Eve.
I found his gaze. The blue of his eyes caught me off guard every time, as clear and crisp as the sky. They contained something else at the moment, an intensity I couldn’t look away from, making that same something grow and expand inside me until it had wrapped me up completely and sent my body spinning.
This time, I let myself imagine what it would be like if his hand shifted to graze my knee.
How the touch would shoot sparks up my leg. How his fingers would tighten a fraction, maybe intentionally, maybe a reflex, before he trailed them up my thigh. I could hear my own gasp slip through my lips as I shifted in my seat, hitching my skirt an inch higher. His pinky would tease the newly exposed skin, then pass below my skirt, drawing my nipples tight.
He’d notice, his eyes heating. Then he’d tease me again, letting his hand travel higher, his fingers edging closer to where I was desperate for them. My lace panties would be drenched, and no matter how I shifted, I wouldn’t be able to ease the ache that bloomed between my thighs.
I could feel my breathing shallow, see my legs part in invitation, his eyes still holding mine like we were the only two in the room as his fingers grazed my panties?—
