He lowered his gaze to the floor, and texts from two years ago floated to the surface of my mind. Heartbroken texts from a heartbroken son who’d lost not one but two of the things most important to him in the span of a few months.
“It’s my shot at holding on to this,” he said, resolved. He gazed out at the gym as he said it, but I didn’t think it was only the gym he meant.
I swung my knee into his. “Then you got this.”
He swung his knee back, mouth lifting. “What makes you so sure? You become a boxing expert while I was away or something? Going to train my ass back into shape?”
“No,” I said with a laugh, though my ears went hot from how much boxing Ihadwatched the past few years. Not enough to make me an expert but enough to be embarrassing. “I just know how hard you go after the things you want.”
His smile softened, his eyes taking in my chef clothes before lifting to the bandanna still in my hair and drifting over my face. The tenderness in his gaze took my breath.
“What?” I asked with a laugh, my neck growing warm.
He shook his head. “Nothing.” Before I could press, he asked, “Today was that bridal shower, right? The Italian one?”
“Yeah.” Three generations of extended family had attended. As someone whose parents were only children and never had a big family reunion, all the hollering, laughter, and physical embraces had brought a sweet kind of longing to my chest. It was nice to see love that big celebrated out loud.
“Was it as hectic as you thought it’d be?”
I chuckled. “Not as bad as the one last month.” That bridesmaid’s pregnancy announcement had been a whole other level of drama. I’d texted Gabe in Colorado about it the second I got back to the kitchen.
Well. As far as I knew. He may have already been back in Philly by then.
He shifted beside me, seeming to track my thoughts. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was back.”
Deep shadows cast across the tense line of his brows, dulling his aqua-blue eyes. He had a scar I’d never noticed at the end of one eyebrow, the small indented line probably left behind by stitches he’d gotten after a match.
“I wanted to,” he went on. “Not just text you, but see you. I had my phone out at the airport. I just…” He stared off at a pillar as if the words he was looking for were hidden behind it.
“Just what?” I asked softly.
He kept staring forward. “I guess I wasn’t sure what came next. I didn’t want to start randomly dropping into your life, messing up your routine and complicating things with Evan. It seemed simpler to keep it how things were until I had more of a plan. Especially since Evan said some stuff on New Year’s that made me think it might be simpler for you too.” He finally glanced at me, seeking if I understood.
I did. Gabe didn’t do relationships. Not just girlfriends, which as far as I knew, he hadn’t had since high school. He didn’t do real friendships either. Not the kind Evan and I had. The lifelong, knows every part of you, is your go-to person kind of friendship.
Gabe had situational acquaintances. Sparring partners he was close with at the gym but rarely hung out with outside of training. Coaches and managers he was close with as coworkers but didn’t let into other parts of his life. Physical therapists and nutritionists whose partners and kids Gabe knew all the names of but whose houses he’d never stay at for holidays.
People whose company he enjoyed but who he wouldn’t have to miss when his career took him to a different gym, city, or part of the world.
Evan was the only one who had crossed all lines. Gabe had let his brother into every part of himself right up until he’d shut Evan out altogether. And now as he was opening the door again, Evan had barricaded it from the other side.
Letting someone else in wasn’t something Gabe was used to. And especially now, when his heart was already tender with so much grief, doing it through texts probably felt safer. He was right that it kept things simpler.
It didn’t stop my mini flare-up of frustration toward both brothers. At Gabe for shutting himself off and at Evan for being part of the reason why.
“Evan tries to protect me, sometimes from things I don’t need protecting from,” I said, realizing it was true for both of them. “But he doesn’t decide things for me. I choose my own friendships. And I happen to be fine with a little complication as long as we can be open about it. But ifyou’drather stick to texting, we can do that too.”
I wasn’t looking to push him. And I especially didn’t want to lose what we had. Even if it was just over texts, his presence in my life had come to mean too much to let go of completely.
But he shook his head firmly. “I don’t want that. I like being around you in person. And I really like the sound of being open with each other. It’s why I wanted to show you this place.”
The zip tie around my stomach released, and for the first time since I learned he was back, I took a full breath. Whatever flittering my heart did was only more relief. Me being grateful our friendship was intact. I ignored it as we gazed out at the gym.
“Have you told anyone else about it?” I asked.
“My dad. He hasn’t seen it yet, but he knows it’s why I’m back.”
“I bet he’s losing his mind with happiness.”
