“Lucky woman,” the nurse said, her dark eyes sparkling. “A man willing to vomit for her must love her indeed.”
“I sure did,” Dad said. He gazed at her photo. “Sure do.”
The nurse’s smile softened. Her eyes slid to mine before she nodded and slipped from the room.
“So Mom dragged you onto that plane or what?”
Dad was halfway through the story when Evan returned with his takeout. Aubrey walked in behind him. I straightened in the stiff chair as her gaze landed on me.
She smiled, a little shy but still fucking radiant with her blond hair and earthy gaze, and handed me a burger. She must have figured I hadn’t eaten. Or known I’d be hungry regardless.
Both were true. And now that I didn’t have training to worry about, I could eat the burger without consequence. Silver linings and all that.
We rearranged the chairs so Aubrey could perch on the windowsill between Evan and me while Dad finished the story.
“She said that was the day she knew she wanted to marry me. She’d already had the feeling, but that sealed the deal.”
“Because you puked all over your skydiving instructor?” Evan teased.
Dad shrugged. “Hey, I didn’t question it. I was just glad it did the trick.”
“What was your wedding like?” Aubrey asked.
She scooped a forkful of mac and cheese into her mouth, eyes bright with curiosity for this peek at my parents we hadn’t seen much of. Especially not from my Dad.
It was right, her being here. The way boxing had always felt right.
That this job offer didn’t bring me the same assuredness told me more than I needed to know.
Dad went on to share his and Mom’s wedding story, which reminded Evan of the time she’d tried to plan a surprise party for my sweet sixteen but waited too long, so the only place available to book it was Chuck E. Cheese. I’d forgotten all about it until he brought it up. Then I couldn’t stop laughing.
One after another, we recalled stories about Mom. Some ridiculous, some endearing. Some we each remembered different aspects of and had to piece together as a group.
Talking about her like this—remembering her out loud and together—felt good. Like a balm to the places inside us she’d been ripped from that had since been bleeding.
Those pieces of us would always be missing. But the happiness of these memories, and the sadness they brought too, was somehow a comfort. A reminder I still carried her with me, both as love and as grief.
Different emotions for the same pain, the same joy. Which was which no longer mattered.
A few hours must have passed. It had long since grown dark outside, and the night nurse would be in soon to check on Dad. He’d drifted asleep while Evan and Aubrey had worked out whether my mom ever went trick-or-treating with them as Captain Jack Sparrow from thePirates of the Caribbeanmovies. It sounded like something she’d do, but I couldn’t remember.
Now Evan slept too, his chin tucked to his chest where he slouched in his chair. I’d drive him home soon, but not yet.
Aubrey shifted along the windowsill, the glow from the dimmed ceiling lights casting her hair in a caramel shine. No wonder she wasn’t asleep. Her ass was probably numb from sitting on the narrow metal ledge.
I could offer her the comfort of Evan’s car as I drove her to her apartment, but that would mean saying good night—something I had no interest in doing. For once, everything felt at peace. With Evan, with my dad, with my mom. I wanted to stay in this peacefulness a bit longer, and I wanted to share it with her.
I caught her eye as she leaned against the corner of the window. “You could sit here,” I said, gesturing to my seat.
She made a face like I shouldn’t worry about it. “You’re way too big to fit on this ledge.”
My heart thumped against my sternum. “We could share.”
Her face went blank the way it did when she was trying to play it cool, but the pink in her cheeks gave her away. “You mean…like I sit on your lap?”
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. She wasn’t the only one trying to play it cool.
I knew we weren’t what we had been anymore. And I didn’t know if it was possible to be that again. To be more than that. But I wanted her close anyway. Wanted her comfortable and safe in my arms.
