My head fell against the steering wheel. The sobs came then violently. I cried for the little girl who didn't know her father. I cried for Jordin, who’d carried this alone. I cried for the man I should have been, the man who deserved them.
I was that little girl’s first disappointment.
The thought was a knife, twisting.
I looked at myself in the rearview mirror—red-rimmed eyes, trembling jaw. A fucking mess. Is this the man I wanted her to see? Is this the father I would be?
"No," I whispered to my reflection.
Starting the car, I pulled away from the curb. But I didn't drive toward the house. I drove away. Again.
But this time was different. This wasn't running. This was a retreat. I was going to get my shit together. I was going to become a man who deserved to kneel at their feet and beg for a another chance. A man who could look his daughter in the eye without seeing his own failure staring back. I never wanted her to look at me like I looked at my father.
I texted Avian, my hands shaking.
I'm not ready to be her father. But I'm going to get ready. I swear to God.
The road was stretched out ahead, empty. For the first time in four years, I had a destination. I was going to find the man they deserved.
Fifty-Jordin
“It wasn’t her fucking place.”
I slammed my water bottle on the console in the studio, the plastic crinkling loud in the quiet room. Oak didn’t flinch. He just sat back on the worn leather couch, watching me pace. Calm. Too damn calm.
It had been three days since the birthday debacle, and I was still mad about it. Every time I thought about the look on Ci’s face, I got a little bit more pissed.
When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was Oak’s since Ciarán claimed he had a vasectomy. I didn’t even think about the timeline or nothing until a brown baby, who was very obviously not mixed and had her daddy’s eyes, came into the world screaming in melody.
Oak hadn’t flinched then either. From day one, he was Olivia’s father.
“I get it, though. I do,” I kept going, wiping my palm down my face. My voice cracked a little. I was feeling too emotional. “Avian been riding for me since the day we met, but she should’ve stayed out of this. She didn’t have the right to tell him.” But maybe she did. She had been there through my entire pregnancy, despite not knowing the baby was Ci’s and when she found out she made sure she was there every other weekend and birthday and holiday so Olivia knew she had family on her fathers side there for her. She was like a sister to me now.
Oak raised a brow like he was waiting for me to get it all out before commenting.
I sighed and dropped down next to him, rubbing my temple. “But I can’t even be mad at her. Not really.”
I sucked in a shaky breath, my eyes fixed on nothing across the studio. “I should’ve told him... like you said. But every time I even thought about it, it felt like I was dying. What if he didn’t want her, Oak? That shit would’ve broke me.” I sighed.
“What if he just—” I cut myself off, shaking my head. “It bothered me that I would’ve had to chase him down, force him to even hear me out just to tell him he had a daughter. My ego wasn’t built for that. It was fighting me every step of the way, even though deep down I knew what was right.”
I let out a bitter laugh, my throat tight. “And now... after seeing his faceat the party? I regret not doing it sooner. Not tracking him down and making him listen.”
My voice dropped, sharper now. “But then? Fuck him too. He should’ve been here. He should’ve had more faith in me. Faith that I could’ve helped him through whatever crisis he was in instead of disappearing like I didn’t matter.”
I blinked fast, fighting the sting in my eyes. I’d fought that fear every single day since I knew I was pregnant. That maybe he’d say, I don’t want nothing to do with her. Or with me. That maybe she’d grow up asking me why her daddy didn’t come.
Oak let me sit in that for a second, then reached over and squeezed my knee in support. He had learned when to listen and not try to talk over me these last years. Dare I say it, his cheating had brought us closer together and made him better.
I wiped my eyes, cleared my throat, and sat up straighter. “But it don’t even matter anymore, right? He knows now. But I’m dreading seeing him again. Now that I’ll be forced to work with him since the label locked us in again.”
Before I could get too deep in my own head, my assistant — Nia — pushed open the door. She looked weird. Like nervous weird. Nia was a pretty girl, tall and lithe with light skin. A USF grad who could sing but would rather not. She wanted to learn the producing and business side.
“What’s wrong?” I asked immediately.
She didn’t answer. Just came closer, holding her phone out. “You need to see this, J.”
I grabbed it and stared at the screen. It was TikTok. Someone had posted a video... from the party.
