“It’s not that simple.”
“Then explain it to me,” I said, my voice breaking. I dropped back into a chair, my shoulders slumped. “Because Idon’t understand. I don’t understand how you can say you want me, want us, and then… and then do that.”
She paused, biting her bottom lip before releasing it with a soft pop. “Ciarán… he speaks to a part of me that you don’t,” she said finally. “You’re a provider, my protector. You’re steady, reliable. You’re everything I need in so many ways. But Ciarán… he’s different. He’s romantic, creative. He sees the world in a way that I do, and he makes me feel things I didn’t even know I needed.”
Her confession felt cruel.
I stared at her, my chest tightening, one hand curled into a fist against my thigh. “So what? You’re saying I’m not enough for you?”
“No,” she said quickly, shaking her head, stepping forward. “That’s not what I’m saying. You’re enough, Oak. But you’re not everything. And neither is Ciarán… he’s not you. He’s something else. And I want both. I want you, and I want him.”
I laughed, the sound bitter and hollow. My head dropped forward and I let it hang for a second, then looked up at her again. “You want both? You want to have your cake and eat it too? Is that what this is?”
“Yes, Oak. That’s the fucking point of cake,” she snapped.
“And if I say no?” I asked, voice low.
She scoffed. “You were my bully in high school. You made my life hell. And then, when I gave you another chance—when I let myself believe you’d changed—you cheated on me. You lied to me. You tried to gaslight me into believing it was my fault. You say no, then it’s the end of us.”
I stumbled back a step, my hand gripping the chair for balance. My mind reeled. She was right. I had done those things. I had hurt her in ways I couldn’t even begin to make up for. And now, she was standing in front of me, telling me she wanted tostay married to me, to build the life we’d always talked about… but she also wanted him too.
I stared at her, heart pounding, throat dry. “You’d really choose him over me?”
“I’m not choosing him over you,” she said. “I’m choosing me. I’m choosing what I need. And if you can’t accept that, then It’s the end.”
I didn’t know what to say. I loved her more than anything. But I didn’t know if I could do this. If I could share her. If I could live with knowing that I wasn’t enough.
She stepped closer, gently cupping my face with both hands, thumbs brushing my cheekbones. “I love you, Oak,” she said, soft but certain. “But I need this. I need him. And if you love me… if you really love me… you’ll let me have it.”
I closed my eyes, her words echoing through the quiet like thunder. I didn’t know what the right answer was. I didn’t even know if one existed.
All I knew was I couldn’t lose her.
But I wasn’t sure I could keep her, either.
thirty Nine-Ciarán
I hadn’t thought this shit through.
I’d overheard Jordin and Oak’s conversation last night. Thought I could sleep it off. I was wrong. Now it had me thinking.
If Oak said no, Jordin would leave him. And if she left him, what did that mean for me? I wasn’t naïve enough to think I could give her what Oak could. I wasn’t the one she could build a life with—not the life she wanted. I was the escape, the fantasy. And if Oak wasn’t in the picture, she’d find someone else. Someone whole. Someone who could give her everything she wanted.
And I’d be out.
The thought made my stomach fucking hurt, and the static in my head multiplied. I couldn’t fucking lose her. She was the only good thing that had ever happened in my life. Even stardom didn’t give me the same feeling—the high of being with her.
I went looking for Oak.
He was in the living room, sitting on the edge of the couch with his head in his hands. He looked… broken. And for a moment, I felt a flicker of guilt. This was my fault, wasn’t it?I’d pushed her, encouraged her, made her believe she could have both of us.
But no. That wasn’t entirely true. Jordin had always known what the fuck she wanted. I’d just given her the words.
I stepped into the room. Oak didn’t look up, but I knew he’d heard me.
“We need to talk.”
He laughed, the sound coming out hollow. “What’s there to talk about? You already know what she wants. She’s saying fuck our marriage.”
