TWENTY-SEVEN
LUX
An hour later, Gage comes barreling into my room. He eyes Raven and Star, who are sprawled across my bed, while I sit on my desk chair. He seems perturbed to find them here, but they’d come to check on me after he took off. They witnessed how his leaving had crushed me.
Gage had been unwilling to let me tell him the one thing that could bring everything into full focus. Instead, he left me sitting alone with this burden of truth. He needs to know what his brother did to me, but he’s thrown up a wall. Doesn’t want to listen. And it has me all stressed out, too, because I know it’ll cause him pain. But he needs to hear why his brother chose to crash his car, and what led up to it. Telling Gage what happened might also be the thing that finally sets me free—or the beginning of it, anyway.
The way he looks now—disheveled, his chest rising and falling in jerking motions—it’s like he’s walking through his own nightmare. And he doesn’t even know the worst of it yet. His eyes are intense, full of all the things he wants to say, but hasn’t yet voiced. I’m mesmerized, yet this entire situation has me prickling with anxiety, afraid I’m going to be beaten down by whatever he says. He rakes his hands through his hair and finally growls, “I need to talk to Lux. Alone.”
Star crosses her arms, a skeptical expression crossing her face. “Lux?” My name carries plenty of questions. I hear them in her tone and see them in the way both she and Raven are looking at me.Is this okay? Should we leave? Or do you need us to stay?
My gaze connects with Gage’s. From the fierce look in his eyes, I wonder if he’s figured out what I’ve kept from him. There’s an uncomfortable twisting in my gut. And now that I think it’s actually going to all come out, I don’t want to relive it. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to make it through. It’s his fucking twin. How do I say this to him without one or both of us flipping out? Way calmer than I feel on the inside, I hesitantly say, “It’s okay. I think he may have figured out we have more to discuss.”
Both girls scramble from the bed, each of them giving me a hug. Raven whispers, “If you need us, just say so. We’ll be right out in the suite.”
And then it’s Gage and me and the massive, horrible truth I’ve been keeping from him.
I gesture to the bed. “Sit.” He does, then leans forward, forearms braced on his thighs. For several moments, he simply stares into my eyes until I’m so filled with nerves, I have to wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs.
He clears his throat and runs one hand haphazardly through his hair before sighing and returning to his original position. “Sorry I left earlier. I needed some time to think.”
Slowly, I nod. “Okay. I get that. But not being brutally honest with each other about the things we know will hurt won’t get us anywhere.”
Inhaling deeply, he meets my gaze. “I agree. And I’m ready to be real with you. Even if it hurts.” He takes a moment to clear his throat. “What you said earlier about Landon… I admit, I wonder now—when I got sent to military school?—I wonder if Landon told the girl his name was Gage and that’s why she accused me. Because there were times once or twice before that incident when I got blamed for something he did. Everything happened so fucking fast, and even after I was sent away, I wouldn’t—couldn’t—allow myself to think he’d be capable of screwing me like that. He was fourteen. How diabolical do you have to be to think in advance like that and give some random chick you’ve threatened your twin’s name?”
“Dick move.” I bite my lip, slightly worried about the mounting frustration visible on his face.
“And my parents wouldn’t have listened. Why would the girl automatically give my name unless that’s what she’d been told? That’s what they’d have said if I’d argued. I couldn’t bear to think that the person closest to me would pin something like that on me.” He huffs out a disgusted breath. “We’ll never know, I guess, and I’m struggling with that.”
He looks so utterly lost, I roll toward the bed on my desk chair and reach for his hand. He holds on, like I’m his lifeline, and draws in a breath. “Lux. I need you to tell me what he did to you. Landon told me a lot of things about you, but none of them make sense. Not when I look into your eyes. Not when I’ve seen inside your heart. Not when I’ve been inside your body. I’ve paid attention. Maybe more than you know. I’ve watched you cry in your sleep. Heard you tell Hawk to fuckin’ stop. And I don’t think it was me that had you waking up screaming like that.”
I squeeze my eyes shut for several seconds before I open them. Taking a deep breath, I let it all out. “He tried to rape me, Gage. He hurt me.” Without realizing I’ve done it, my free hand has lifted to my cheek, touching the barely-there scar.
He pulls his hand from mine, grasping his hair with both hands. His chest rises and falls fast with agitated breaths. Finally, his eyes lock with mine, and I focus in on that light-colored ring around his pupils, the only physical difference I’ve ever noticed between the two of them. His voice is raw as it rasps up from his throat. “I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have let you believe I was him. I didn’t know. I didn’t fucking know.” He blinks rapidly, his eyes tormented. “I believe you, Lux. I don’t know if there is ever going to be a way for you to forgive me. I did some awful things to you. I played with your head. I knew letting you believe I was Landon would mess you up. And I thought I was in the right. Because I thought you had something to do with his death, why I didn’t have a brother anymore. My twin.” He takes a deep shuddering breath, and it physically hurts me to see him shaken like this. “And now, I don’t know what to do other than show you what he sent me before he died. Because it was why I had such a strong reaction from the moment I saw you—why I was such a fucking asshole to you. And after I show you this, I want you to tell me every single fucking thing he did to you.” He pulls his phone from his pocket, and all he has to do is unlock it. What he wants to show me is already up on the screen.
I break out in a cold sweat. Oh my God, I don’t know if I can handle this. Inhaling slowly, I murmur, “Gage, I don’t know if—”
His gaze holds mine, and I see the apology in his eyes. “Lux, you need to see this. This is the last text I got from him. If you look at the time stamp, you’ll see it had to have been minutes before the accident.” He holds it out for me to see. “Please look. It’s the only way you’ll understand my actions, why I came after you the way I did. Please, Lux. Read it.”
The anguished plea in his voice is what finally makes me take the phone and read. This is Gage. And he doesn’t want to hurt me. Not anymore. And he’s right. We need everything out in the open. It might help me to understand what was in his head these last few weeks.
L:This bitch is crazy.
L:Don’t trust a word she says.
L:She lies.
As soon as I finish reading the final words from Landon to Gage, I begin to shake—an allover tremble that I can’t stop. I swallow and try to steady myself. Landon had to have shot that text to his brother right before we took off. Just another way to throw the blame from himself and onto me. I remember being in a lot of pain, my cheek was gushing blood. But I do remember him fiddling with his phone while he told me what a stupid bitch I was and demanding I couldn’t tell anyone.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. Is this too much?” When I don’t answer, he tries again. “Lux?”
I’ve been looking at him without really seeing him, quietly reliving every moment of that night. This is like tearing open scar tissue. Fucking crazy painful.
I shake my head, then murmur softly, “He gave me a few drinks at a prom after-party. I’d never had alcohol before. I was fifteen. We were dancing, and he was all over me. I told him I wanted to leave. He thought I meant I wanted to be alone with him.” My heart is beating so hard, it’s fighting its way up my throat. “We left the party. He stopped in the middle of nowhere. Made me get out of the car.” I press a few fingers to my lips. “Maybe if I’d refused, it wouldn’t have happened.”
Gage tugs my chair between his legs and grasps my arms just above the elbows, squeezing lightly. “No. Don’t make excuses for him.”
I let out a breath through pursed lips. “Before I knew what was happening, he’d yanked the top of my dress down and had the skirt bunched around my waist. He tore my underwear from me.”
