“Oh.” She swallows hard, her gray eyes a little anxious as her cheeks flush even pinker than they already were.
I lean in, touching my lips to hers, then pull back and look into her eyes. “I saw a little blood on the condom. Let me—” Slowly, I bring the cloth between her legs and hold it there for a moment, hoping the warmth of it feels good. She flinches, sucking in a breath.
“Sorry. Are you sore?”
Her teeth scrape over her lower lip, and she ducks her head a bit. “Yeah. Maybe a little.”
I nod and gingerly dab the washcloth over her. “Um, I hope this doesn’t sound too weird, but… it’s a good idea to pee after sex. For women, I mean.” I clear my throat as I toss the cloth toward my laundry basket. “I didn’t know if you knew that.”
Lux covers her face with her hands. “This isn’t embarrassing at all.” The sarcasm seeps from her words.
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m more concerned that I hurt you or that I’m too—”
She holds up one finger, then to my surprise, she snorts. “Oh my God, please tell me you aren’t about to say your dick’s too big.”
My brows furrow, and my mouth drops open. And then I laugh. “You’re something else, Lux.”
She shrugs as she crawls off the bed and passes me as she heads for the bathroom. “Be right back.”
A minute later, she returns, and we curl up together. She doesn’t know it yet, but I meant it. I’m never letting her go.
We’re both on the verge of falling asleep when I whisper in her ear, “You make me so fucking crazy, baby girl.”
* * *
At some pointafter I crashed this afternoon, Lux must have gotten up and gone back to her suite. Glancing at my phone, I realize I’ve been out for several hours. Good sex will do that, I guess. I check my text messages, and then my email. I do a shit ton of push-ups in an effort to wear myself out, followed by taking a long, hot shower to make myself drowsy. None of it helps. None of it works. Frustrated with myself, I walk out into our suite, but neither of the guys is around to shoot the shit. I’m restless.
I know what’s wrong with me. There’s an undeniable need rising within me to go across the hall and see Lux. Not wanting to be the guy who can’t leave her be if she needs space after what we did, I stall as long as I can. Around one in the morning, though, I can’t wait any longer, so I stealthily sneak into Lux’s room just like I have on so many other nights.
Only tonight, the second I lay eyes on her, I can tell something isn’t right. I cross the room and pause at her bedside. I’ve watched her so many times, it immediately hits me that her body language in sleep is different. She usually keeps her hands tucked under her chin as she sleeps on her side, but right now, she’s rolled into a tiny, tense ball; the sheets in front of her clutched in her fists. Every few seconds, she thrashes a bit, her face contorting. Something’s wrong. But should I wake her? Will it send her spiraling if she opens her eyes and I’m here? I’m not dumb. I know that’s what she was rambling about. TheI shouldn’t feel like thishad gotten to me a little. But not enough to stop what we were doing. She didn’t want me to, anyway.
Her obvious distress now, though—it makes my chest tighten. What the fuck is going on? Is it simply a bad dream? Or is whatever she’s dreaming rooted in reality?
Any other guy would probably turn right around and leave, thinking she’s too much trouble to deal with. But I can’t. I won’t leave her. Not now. I’m in way too fucking deep. I scrub my hands over my head, unsure what to do.
I’m intensely, insanely curious about what makes Lux tick. Maybe it’ll give me some insight if I stay here with her. But the longer I’m here, the more every muffled moan and whimper from her lips does something to my heart. My insides twist and churn as I watch over her before finally taking a seat on the edge of her bed.
One minute, she’s confident, like when she showed up the other day in the locker room out of nowhere, or when she tells me off. Or bites my lip. Then just as quickly, her switch can flip, and she panics.
I hate knowing what I’ve done makes me at least partly to blame for those attacks. And I have to wonder, too, how much antianxiety medication she’s been taking to cope. I need to know how badly I’ve messed her up simply by way of my presence in her life.
What I see before me is heartbreaking. Whatever is happening to her in sleep is quickly escalating. Her face crumples, and she cries out. She sobs quietly at first, then it ratchets up a notch or ten until she's yelling aloud and moaning with every word ripped from her throat. “No, Hawk. Stop, I said no. Please don't. Please.”
It slices my heart open when I hear my name.Fuck.Is this about me? Another breath heaves from her and it starts again. She squirms and flails her arms as if she’s physically fighting someone off. “Don't do that, please, stop touching me. Take me home. I said no, don't. Please stop, you're hurting me. Stop!" She screams that last word so loudly I know she’s going to wake Raven and Star. The question is, will they come in? And what will they think when they find me here?
If this were happening even a week ago, I’d make myself scarce. But now… I can’t leave Lux. Won’t.
The need to hold her in my arms is so strong, I shake with it. Lux is rousing, eyes blinking in the dark. Her breath heaves from her, uneven and rough.
What the fuck do I do?
And in the time it takes for me to think that, her eyes pop open and she stares right at me, sucks in a breath, and screams so loud, I think she may bring the ceiling down on our heads. I can’t stop myself. I reach for her.
She slaps at me even though I’m barely touching her. When I look closer, tears stream down her face and drip onto my jersey that she’d worn to bed. Actually, that jersey on her is the only thing making me feel the tiniest bit better because obviously she’d been okay with wearing my clothing when she’d gone to bed.
The door slams open behind me, and both Star and Raven burst through. One of them flips on the overhead light, blinding all of us with its brightness. It stops them in their tracks and makes us shield our eyes.
Raven and Star’s gazes land on Lux at just about the same time a ragged sob rushes from her. I reach out to touch her arm again, but she flinches and pulls away.
