Nineteen
Logan
Logan’s phone chimed at him. A wry smile tugged at the corner of his lips as he found himself reaching for his pocket. Over the past little while, ever since he had sent that text to Derrick, he had trained himself to stop whatever he was doing to look at his phone. It didn’t seem like a habit that would stop anytime soon.
Of course, it didn’t actually occur to him that it would be Derrick, not at this point. Which was why he was right here, in front of the building that the very helpful woman at the desk had told him was Derrick’s.
Well, technically she hadn’t told Logan. She had told Derrick’s brother, who could be quite charming when he put his mind to it. He had told her a very convincing story to get Derrick’s building’s name out of her.
“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?” Logan wondered, looking over at Malcolm, who was wearing a particularly determined look on his face.
“He’ll talk. He can’t keep running like this,” Malcolm replied. “He’s my brother, whether he acts like it or not, and I’m not ready to let go.”
Logan sighed and nodded. He knew exactly what Malcolm meant, if in a very different way. He, too, wasn’t ready to give up on this. Even exposing himself to potential semi-public humiliation felt worth it, if it gave him even the slightest chance of Derrick giving him another shot.
“Look, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Malcolm patted Logan’s shoulder. It had been a huge surprise to Logan, how accepting the other man had been of the situation. Logan had told him everything, but of course, there was a big difference between hearing about something and seeing it with his own eyes.
He’d worry about that if it came up, though. At the moment, Logan had no way of knowing how Derrick would react to him being here.
“I told him to call if he wanted to see me, and he didn’t call,” Logan said, a little uncertain. Being on this campus, a place that he had never been before, surrounded by people who had far more in common with Derrick, probably, than they did with Logan, made him feel awkward and uncertain in a way that he wasn’t used to.
“Just shut up and go in there,” Malcolm replied, his tone affectionate even if the words were a little rough. Logan shook his head, amazed. He had seriously been so worried that Malcolm would hate Logan for putting his hands on Malcolm’s little brother, but Malcolm had changed a lot since he’d met Kyle. Sometimes it was hard to remember that Malcolm didn’t even claim to be straight anymore.
Logan took a deep breath and let it out slowly, forcing his shoulders down from the defensive posture that they kept wanting to rise up into. He gave Malcolm a determined nod, and then the two of them walked into the building together.
It was the first time that Logan had been in a dorm, the first time that it had had anything to do with him. He hadn’t really known what to expect. Inside, though, it was just a building. What he had thought it would be, he wasn’t sure, but all it was was a series of corridors with doors along them, much like an apartment building.
Each step that he took, Logan felt the tension drain away from his body. That was probably a bit strange, given that he hadn’t even come face to face with Derrick yet, but it was true. He had his best friend by his side, and he was going to have this out.
In just a few minutes, he would, hopefully, be face to face with Derrick again. If nothing else, he would get to see him once more. He could tell him he was sorry. And if Derrick didn’t want to see him again, then Derrick could tell him that to his face.
He stepped out of the elevator, and like he had every right to be there, he started to walk down the hallway, checking room numbers as he went. Once he was there, standing in front of the door, he turned to look at Malcolm once more. Part of him expected Malcolm to have come to his senses, to tell him that he had changed his mind and that he couldn’t condone this potential relationship and that they should go back to Kansas, where they belonged.
But Malcolm just shot him a little smirk and a nod, as if he could read Logan’s thoughts. He probably could, at least to get the general gist of it. He knew Logan better than anyone else in the world, after all.
Logan closed his eyes, drew a deep, deep breath into his lungs, and let it out slowly. His hand raised and he watched as it knocked on the door, acutely aware of every detail of the worn wood there.
Derrick might not even be in. He could have classes, or he could be studying. He seemed like the sort of guy who would study a lot. But almost immediately, Logan heard the sound of footsteps on the other side of the door, a brief pause, and then the rattle of the door handle as it was pulled open.
A million things could have gone wrong. Derrick could not have been there, he could have a roommate, or he could have been there with someone else. In the split second before the door was opened, Logan found himself completely sure that that was what would happen, that some girl, or even some guy, would pull open the door in a state of undress that would make it all too clear that Derrick had moved on. That would explain why he had never contacted Logan back.
But none of them happened. It was Derrick who was standing there, framed in the open door. A Derrick who was maybe a trifle thinner, a Derrick with more sadness and character in his face than Logan had seen before. A Derrick who had clearly suffered. Guilt washed through Logan when he saw him. Had he been the one who put that sadness on Derrick’s face?
“I’m sorry,” Logan said. He didn’t even greet the man, didn’t know if he had the right. And he didn’t know, either, just when Derrick was going to slam the door right in his face, so he had to get the important stuff out of the way.
“Mal?” Derrick’s voice was uncertain, his gaze flickering to his older brother and then warily back to Logan. This was not a man who trusted easily, none of the Hart boys were, not even Craig who was probably the friendliest of the lot.
“Yeah. Hey, bro,” Malcolm greeted him, giving him a reassuring little smile. Logan watched as Derrick’s shoulders, which had started to hunch up just slightly, relaxed back down to his normal posture.
“I guess you guys might as well come in,” Derrick invited, not particularly graciously but it was a million times better than anything that Logan could have reasonably expected from him. Honestly, Logan wouldn’t have been surprised at all if Derrick had shut the door the moment he had seen him.
“I got your text,” Derrick admitted, once the door was safely closed behind them. Logan sighed softly, deflating. It had been a long trip to come here for nothing, as he was suddenly sure that he had done.
For some reason, Derrick was glancing at Malcolm, and there was worry in his face. Logan couldn’t make heads or tails of it, not until Malcolm spoke up.
“Don’t look at me,” he advised. “I know everything, or I think I do, anyway. You can say whatever you want. Or I can go if you want to talk in private.”
“You know?” Derrick asked, and the light bulb went on over Logan’s head. Derrick had been being cautious because Malcolm was there, and Malcolm didn’t know, as far as Derrick had known, anyway, that Derrick was into guys at all.
