Sixteen
Derrick
There was a knock on his door early in the morning, so early that Derrick heavily suspected that the sun hadn’t even poked its head above the horizon yet. And it had taken him a long time to get to sleep the night before, so when he blinked open his eyes, they felt sticky and gritty, glued together with sleep.
He probably would have just rolled over and gone back to sleep, but in that intensely vulnerable moment, he had the crazy thought that it might be Logan. It was a stupid thought, really, one that he wouldn’t have even considered if he had been wider awake, but it seemed, at the very least, possible.
So he rolled out of bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and pushing his crazy, shaggy long hair to try to bring some sort of order to the tousled strands. But the knock came again, low and urgent, and Derrick slightly smirked as he realized that Logan had seen him far more disheveled than this.
With everything that they had been through, it was a little pathetic how eagerly Derrick strode to the door and pulled it open. He didn’t even consider what he was going to do when he was face to face with Logan.
By all rights, he should slam the door in the other man’s face. He had absolutely no reason why Logan was treating him the way he was, but that didn’t seem to matter. Not when Derrick was sleepy and vulnerable.
But when he pulled the door open, it wasn’t to see Logan there. Instead, it was Jessica, who scurried quickly into the bedroom and let Derrick shut the door behind her.
“Jess, it’s really early,” Derrick protested, trying not to acknowledge, even to himself, how disappointed he was that it was her and not Logan. Now that he was waking up, he remembered everything about how hurt Logan had made him, how he had rejected Derrick, how he had even, according to Wyatt, joined forces with him to try to get the ranch from Malcolm.
“I know,” Jessica whispered back, but her gaze was avidly fixed on Derrick’s face, and whatever she had on her mind, she wasn’t going to give it up until Derrick heard her out. She had her stubborn face on.
“Okay. What’s on your mind?” They were both speaking so quietly, but Derrick was still very aware that he could wake people up. It was too early for even ranch folk to be rising yet, and he sat down on his own bed, yawning and rubbing at his eyes.
“Do you think that he might be falling in love with you?”
Derrick goggled at her, sure that he looked ridiculous, mouth gaping like a fish out of water. But honestly, the idea had never occurred to him. There was, of course, no need for him to clarify just who Jessica was talking about.
“No. Of course not,” Derrick replied, but there wasn’t a lot of conviction in his voice. He thought it wasn’t likely, of course, but he couldn’t help but hope for it. He was too smart for this, and yet, the moment she said those words, something, some spark inside of him, that he had thought had been long ago smothered out, it was back in full force.
Jessica must have seen that on his face because she gave a wry little smile as she sank down onto the bed to sit beside him. Her hand rested on his shoulder, and she squeezed a little bit.
“He’s the reason that you haven’t dated anyone since me, isn’t he?” she asked, and her tone was gentle but uncompromising. It promised that she would know, and be very disappointed in him if he tried to lie to her.
Anyway, he was suddenly so sick of all of the lying, to himself and to everyone else. It had definitely gotten old, hadn’t even protected his heart from getting hurt, which had been the point of hiding things in the first place. If he could trust anyone, it was Jessica, who had been by his side through so much.
“Yeah. He is,” Derrick admitted, and Jessica smiled, benevolent triumph in her face.
“And you love him,” Jessica prompted. Derrick just nodded, because it was, after all, nothing but the truth.
“So make a stand. Ask him what’s going on. Tell him you want something more, maybe.” Jessica’s voice was encouraging, but Derrick felt cold chills go down his spine. With how hostile Logan had been, with how strange everything had gotten, the idea was pretty much terrifying to him.
“Is that all you came to say?” Derrick asked, and Jessica grinned at him, ridiculously perky at this ungodly hour of the day.
“Yeah. I think you should try, though. What’s the worst that’s going to happen?” Jessica asked. She got up and disappeared out through the door again, presumably back to the guest room bed, but she left Derrick with a lot of questions for himself.
It was a terrifying thought. On the other hand, what could he lose? Worst case scenario, Logan laughed at him. That would probably still be better than not knowing.
His future plans really relied on knowing. He had been sticking around, not really because his father needed him anymore. His father seemed to be at least holding his own. It was little more than an excuse, at this point.
If Logan wanted him, then Derrick would make it happen. There were cities nearby, with schools where he could finish his education. But if Logan didn’t want him, then there was really no reason, other than some sort of twisted masochism, for him to stick around.
When it came down to it, Derrick wasn’t a quitter. He couldn’t make himself give up, not without at least giving it his best shot. If Logan turned him down, he would never bother the other man again.
Honestly, that was probably the most likely thing that would happen, and he shouldn’t kid himself otherwise. He was pathetic for even giving it a try. Or he was a man in love. Or both.
Regardless, the next time he saw Logan, they were going to have this out. Some things hadn’t been said between them, things that Derrick had been too proud to say, but this was where his pride had gotten him.
Actually, Logan was often the first person up these days, ever since Malcolm had been gone on his honeymoon. No, more accurately, it had been since Malcolm had fallen in love and started to spend much more time wrapped up in his husband’s arms.
That could be perfect. Now that Derrick was all keyed up, determined to see this out, determined to put his pride aside on the gamble that he and Logan might still have some small ghost of a chance, he didn’t want to wait. So he would go downstairs and sit in the cold, still kitchen, and the moment he saw Logan, he would put it all on the line.
