“Inconvenient. Is that what it is to you?” Logan asked, and Derrick stared, having a hard time believing that this was the same man who he had held close, who had kissed him, who had given him pleasure countless times. The same man who had given him access to his body. How could he be acting like this now?
“What is this all about?” Derrick demanded. It couldn’t be what it seemed like. Logan was not the sort of person who would begrudge someone something important like this. There was more going on; there had to be. Didn’t there?
“Really? You don’t even know?” Logan shook his head, and then, without another word, he strode right past Derrick and out the barn door, like Derrick wasn’t even worth wasting more of his time on.
Somehow, Derrick had thought that Logan would understand, that the man had some sentiment, that he had a heart. But as it turned out, it seemed that he was wrong. He couldn’t understand why Logan was so pissed off at him, but given that he obviously was, maybe that meant that he didn’t know Logan as well as he had thought.
* * *
Later that day, Craig came back. Derrick realized Craig had been keeping some weird hours when he saw him at dinner, and his first thought was that it was odd to see him there at all. When he had seen Craig at all, it was usually late at night, and even that was pretty rare now that Derrick was getting up early enough to get the ranch chores done.
The surge of affection and irritation that went through him made him have a lot more sympathy for Malcolm. Had it been the same for his oldest brother, working so hard only to realize that he was really the only one who cared enough to do so? Well, other than Logan, of course, but Derrick wasn’t going to waste any thought on him.
At the same time, he couldn’t be upset at Craig for following his own path. That would be the height of hypocrisy. So he swallowed it down, and as he did, he found himself wondering how often Malcolm had done the same thing.
Sort of funny to see it from the other side.
“Hey, you got a sec?” Derrick asked Craig after dinner was over. Everyone else had scattered for the evening, so it was just them. Logan had been the first to go, with a reproachful look at Derrick that he didn’t even remotely understand.
“Yeah, man, what’s up?” Craig asked, his blue eyes concerned. As much as Derrick was trying to hide how much this was all getting to him, his older brother could be surprisingly perceptive sometimes. It was easy to think of him as nothing more than a body because he was so huge and strong, but it would be a mistake to think that.
Funny how it had been easier to think that way when he was back at school. Once he was back on the ranch, actually interacting with Malcolm and Craig and, yes, even Logan, as much as he didn’t want to think about him, it was harder to think about them that way. So easy to judge from far away.
Now, he was pretty much Malcolm himself. His years of education hadn’t helped him to be any better at doing this job. He was no better than Malcolm. It was uncomfortable to think about, but he couldn’t deny that it was true, nor that he had thought that he was, in fact, better.
“I have to go away, just for a few days,” Derrick admitted, hating that he needed to ask for help. He’d never been big on that, but he wasn’t going to let his pride hurt Jessica, who needed him.
“Oh,” Craig said, his voice slow and his eyes thoughtful. But Derrick didn’t see judgment there, at least, he didn’t think he did. Craig was just waiting to get all the information, and that was an admirable trait, not to mention one that none of Craig’s brothers had. Including Derrick himself.
“Would you mind sticking around this weekend?” Derrick asked, emboldened by Craig’s neutral, or possibly even encouraging, reaction. “I’m sorry to ask, but Logan and Mary Anne can’t do it alone.”
“Yeah, of course, I can,” Craig agreed, so readily that Derrick, who had been ready to argue his case, was left speechless for a moment. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
Who was this man? Derrick’s brother, of course, but they had never been all that close. Really, Derrick had never been close to any of his brothers. He’d been far too busy having his nose shoved in a book to really get to know them. But Craig really seemed to care, and it was that which had Derrick speaking even though he hadn’t intended to.
“It’s Jessica,” Derrick said. “Her sister was hit by a car.”
“Jessica? Your girlfriend?” Craig asked, and then his eyes widened and he reached out, apparently completely impulsively, to rest his hand on Derrick’s. “Oh my God. I’m sorry. Is she okay?”
Derrick shook his head, and for a moment, his eyes blurred with tears and he couldn’t make words come around the lump in his throat which was choking him and nearly robbing him of breath.
“No,” he said, so quietly that even Craig, sitting so close to him, had to lean forward to hear his words. “No, she’s not my girlfriend. I mean, she was, but we broke up ages ago. She’s my best friend now.” He sighed and then continued, “And no, Trina is not okay. Jess needs me there to go to the funeral with her.”
Saying it aloud, to another person, just made it seem that much more real. His job was to be there for his best friend, but he had known, and liked, Trina as well. It was a tragedy for him, too, but he hadn’t allowed himself to think of it that way before.
For a moment, there were no words between the two of them. They just looked at each other, overwhelmed by the enormity of what Derrick had just said. He tried to keep his own private business just that, private, but the words had just spilled out.
“Derrick, I’m so sorry,” Craig finally said, and before Derrick could even think of an appropriate answer, Craig was on his feet, walking around the dining room table to hug Derrick tightly.
This was the reaction that he had so badly wanted from Logan. Derrick didn’t realize it until it was happening, but when he felt arms around him, just the simple comfort of one human offering sympathy to another, he knew. He had needed this, and it hadn’t been the man who was in some sort of weird relationship with Derrick who had given that comfort. It was Derrick’s own brother.
He clung to Craig, and they had probably been kids the last time that they had hugged each other. It felt good, way too good, and right then and there he knew that he was going to need to make a point of spending more time with this virtually unknown brother.
“You should talk to Sky,” Craig said, and there was a strange tone to his voice, one that Derrick didn’t know how to interpret. He hadn’t even been aware, other than when the two of them had danced at Malcolm and Kyle’s wedding, that Craig and Skyler had even known each other. But the way that Craig’s lips had caressed that one syllable, the way that he had called Skyler by an affectionate nickname, something that really only Skyler’s best friend Kyle ever did, that was interesting. “He might be able to help, too, for a few days.”
“I had considered that. I will.” Derrick patted his brother’s shoulder, feeling just a little bit awkward, but also like some of the burden had been taken off of his own shoulders. Craig had done the exact perfect thing, relieved some of Derrick’s pain and mourning. He had vented enough that he could be there for Jessica, which was the important thing. “Uh, thanks, Craig.”
“Yeah, of course,” Craig replied, and Derrick tilted his head as he looked at his brother, amazed that he could be so closely related to someone and really know nothing about them.
