TWENTY
It had been made really, truly, and brutally clear what part Brett wanted to play in John’s life, and in the life of the baby who was being born. Nothing. That’s what Brett wanted, absolutely nothing, and why should he? This was John’s baby, John’s responsibility.
But it hurt.
This was the most terrifying, dizzying, intense moment that John had ever had, and he knew somehow that it would only get more so when the baby was actually born. To this point, John, for almost a year, had been responsible for one person, and one person only. Himself.
That was about to change, and John could use some moral support. But that wasn’t what was in the cards for him, it seemed. He was here to be support for Madison. And it was a role that, since he was going to be a father very soon, he was going to have to get used to.
“Okay, what’s going on with you?” Madison asked. After rushing to the hospital, she had been told that she wasn’t dilated enough, so she was just cooling her heels and waiting with a patience that John couldn’t help but find admirable. She was quite a woman, strong and resolute, and John really hoped for the sake of the kid that she did want to stick around, even if it was just to come and visit now and again.
“What do you mean?” John asked. He had found a seat near the bed, and was stretched out, watching Madison. Ready to jump up to go grab something, anything, if she needed it, even though the doctors and nurses were already keeping an eye on her.
“I mean, you look like you’re sucking on a particularly sour lemon this morning,” Madison observed. “If you want to talk, I could use something to take my mind off of this whole situation.” She gestured idly to the swollen mound of her belly, where the baby seemed in no particular hurry to be born.
“No, not really,” John told her and then abruptly changed his mind. “I mean, it’s just that there’s a weird thing going on with me and this guy.”
“The cute one. Brett,” she noted, and he sighed and nodded.
“I want him here. But he chose work. I think he’ll always choose work.” John found that he was worrying at his lower lip with his teeth and forced himself to stop. “I asked him to come, and he said no. I sort of think he’ll probably kick me out, so if you’re still okay with it if you could keep the baby just for a few days until I can get a new place? I’ll sort it out quickly, I promise.”
She waved her hand negligently, but her eyes were sharp as she looked at him, her lips slightly pursed. She paused for a moment, the pangs of another contraction shaking through her body, and then sighed softly. No doubt she was exhausted, and she had already been at this for going on seven hours without any real progress. John doubted that he would have the patience in her position, but then, what choice did she really have?
“Of course. But you know, this is going to be a while. You could go talk to him, sort this out right now. If you know what you want.”
“What I want,” John said quietly in return, “I can’t have. I love him.” It was surprisingly easy to tell someone else that, even though John had grown up and had spent his whole life in an environment where talking about stuff like that wasn’t exactly encouraged. “And what I want is to have him here. To have him, and the baby.”
Even as he said it, it sounded so selfish. Why should he expected Brett to be okay with raising a baby when Brett had had nothing to do with creating it? John sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, his short, uneasy night of sleep the night before had caught up with him
“So tell him that,” Madison told him, and for a moment, John considered it. But there was one thing that made that quite impossible—a person, who, just at the moment, was being incredibly stubborn about allowing herself to be brought into the world.
“No. I want to be able to tell my daughter that I was here when she was born,” John said honestly. The situation with Brett, that was impossible, but this relationship with the unborn baby, who was going to rely on him for everything, that was something else entirely. He hadn’t fucked that up just yet, and he wanted to start off on the right foot.
“John, it could still be hours,” Madison protested, and John shook his head again.
“I know. It’s fine. It might not be. Madison, this might sound stupid to you, but I never had parents who gave a shit about me. I don’t even really know where my dad is. And he was never exactly …” He sighed because he had to sound like such an idiot, opening up like this to a woman who was basically a stranger.
Only that wasn’t true anymore, was it? They were becoming friends, he thought, he and Madison, and she seemed like she would be a good friend to have. Certainly she was offering him help and support now, and she was currently having a baby, so that was pretty impressive.
“No, I get it. Sort of, anyway. Mom and Dad were always more interested in my grades than anything else. Everything else was a distraction. Including showing affection.” Madison’s voice was wry, and John really did get the idea that she understood. “I still think—”
“How are you doing in here?” A cheerful, solid nurse poked her head through the door, and John looked politely away as she did the checks that she needed to do on Madison. What a strange violation of privacy this whole process was, and yet, Madison was holding up so well. And she hadn’t asked John to go.
“Good news, kiddo,” the nurse commented, with an encouraging grin. “You’re ten centimeters dilated.” When Madison and John just looked at her, not really understanding why that was good news, the nurse grinned wider. “It means that your little girl is getting ready to come out. We’re going to move you to a delivery room.”
They wheeled her away, with John following, feeling a little bit like a lost sheep. Madison had told him that he should go, that he should work things out with Brett, and for a moment or two John had considered it. There was no chance of him going now, though, not when he really had no idea how long it might be.
Still, her words had gotten to him enough that he took out his phone, which he had forgotten to charge the night before, what with all the sex and all. He had just enough juice in it to type out a text message, one that he knew was probably a mistake the moment that he sent it. Brett, after all, had already made it clear what he wanted, and anyway, he would be at work by now.
I miss you. I need you here. Please.
He sent it before he could think any better of it. Because he knew that if he didn’t, he would spend his whole life regretting that he hadn’t at least tried. Brett would probably just ignore the text, but it was out there now.
* * *
The nurse had been more optimistic than she really should have been.
Whatever the deal was with how many centimeters Madison was dilated, the baby was not in any rush to be born, even now. And that had been okay until John had been kicked out of the room.
