“Lots of drugs.” Her eyes narrow. “Real ones, Alice. Ones that label me a depressive with suicidal tendencies.” A weak man who needs help to conduct himself accordingly without them. I look down at the ring on her finger. I don’t like being labelled anything, but it’s honest and truthful. Which is what she’s always wanted from me.
“And you’ll keep taking them?”
“Probably.” Her arms fold. “Yes. I’ll keep taking them.”
For now at least.
“Good.”
Quiet.
I stare at her, smiling to myself for the first time in a long while, as she rests her ass on the table in front of me. Nothing’s changed about her other than this business outfit she’s in. Still wilful. Still a beacon of righteousness in my world of moral ineptitude.
Still fascinating for a man like me to deal with.
“You don’t deserve me, Malachi.”
“You’re damn right I don’t.”
I sigh, uncomfortable with what our future will mean for her now. I’m still hot and cold, still a fucking mess of a human. She’ll live her devil’s night over and over again with me, never quite sure which man she’s going to wake up with each day. “Alice, you can go. It’s alright. I’m alright. Thank you for giving me time, but I mean what I’m saying. I’m not yours to fix and thisisyour choice. Go, live your life if you want. Enjoy it.”
“You want me to go?”
Every part of me that wants to be decent and honest tells me I should. It tells me to let her go, tomakeher go so she can live a life free of the endless crap I’ll deliver. “I think you know the answer to that.”
“Guess I’ll be hanging around a while longer then. My choice. Sounds like you need me.”
I give us both a few minutes to take that answer in. In fact, I find myself giving us both time to change our minds about that answer because I’ll do it again. She knows it as well as I do. That’s what happens when men like me fall in love. We bleed for it. We die for it. We make choices based on our feelings instead of logical thinking. I wish I was strong enough to give her the freedom she does deserve. I’m not.
“You’re sure? This is your one out, Alice.”
She doesn’t even pause. “All in.”
“Then why are your clothes still on?”
“No one’s told me to take them off.”
“You should.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m saying you should.”
“Hardly a choice then.”
“Choice only runs so far. My patience level hasn’t changed.”
She lifts off the table and looks at my dick, then moves herself towards my lap. “Do you mind?”
“Depends what you’re going to do.”
“Sit.”
“On my dick? I should warn you. It’s been three months. Could be dangerous for your life chances.”
“Better to go too far, though, right?” A giggle creeps out of her. A quite lovely giggle that I can’t ever remember hearing out of her before. “But I was thinking about just sitting, Malachi. I was hoping we might discuss what happens after this from a place of safety.”
I smile, my hand beckoning her into me. She kicks her heels off and climbs on, choosing to make herself as small as she can in my arms. I sigh instantly, overcome with the feel of her back there again. Her hair in my face. Her scent on my senses. The weight of her tucked in tightly, as if I’m the safest place in the world for her. It does things to me, makes me crave anything but death for a while longer. Always did. Will continue to if she stays because she chooses to.
