I turn around fully, swallowing down whatever fear is still trying to tell me to walk away. “Us, Neve. Whatever we’ve been.”
“Start again?”
“Yeah, just …” I still don’t know what I’m trying to get across. I look at her head tilting around, watch those lips wavering under words she hasn’t got either. “Just forget all this shit and start something else.” I lean back on the window ledge, fingers gripped onto it, maybe hoping to anchor myself to the spot so I don’t run. “I know I’m not what you’re used to, and I don’t know how to make that go away, but I … you meant something to me. Mean something, I mean. Still.” Could I fuck this up anymore? “Jesus.”
“Are you trying to-”
“Shut up, Neve. And sit down. I’m trying to say something here.”
She drops back onto the sofa instantly, but her eyes remain looking at me as her hands reach for the cat.
Too fucking nervous to stay still, I get up and walk around the lounge and pace it like that fucking cat probably does. “I don’t know what you’re expecting, or if you’re expecting anything at all, but I’ve got things I want to do with you, and a life to think about living with you, and I need to say that. So, you know, if you’re interested in that, I am, too.” Yeah. That works. That’s what I’m trying to say. “And if we start again, if you want to, then we can see where that goes and, I don’t know, try going for dinner and shit. Or maybe you could just come stay at mine for a while again. Don’t fucking know, in all honesty. Never done it before so … Just something, you know?” What the fuck was all that? Sounded like a jumbled mess of attempted words. “Fuck, I am shit at this. And you probably don't care anyway so-”
“Why?”
My head swings back to look at her. “Why am I shit at this?”
“No. You said, ‘a life to think about living with you’. Why do you want to do that with me?”
“Because that’s what you do with people you give a shit about.”
“You want me to live a life with you because you give a shit about me?”
The cat jumps down from her lap and makes its way to me, forcing me to move to a defensive position.
“Yes.” She smiles a little and stays exactly where she is, nothing else to say on that fact, apparently. Guess it’s not quite the words she’s after.
I skirt sideways again, trying not to kick the little arsehole as it gets close to me and tries rubbing up against my legs. “Not like,justgive a shit, Neve. More than that.” Fucker manages to touch me, tail swinging about. “Can you get rid of this thing?”
She keeps smiling, occasionally pressing her lips together as if she’s trying to stop some fucking laugh that wants to come out. “No, this is his home. How much more, Noah?”
“You gonna keep pushing or give me something here?”
The smile widens. “I don’t know yet. But living under the radar completely isn't something I want.”
“Fuck this.” I walk to the door, hand ready to pull the thing off its hinges to get away, both from this conversation and the cat. Maybe I shouldn’t have come here. Or just come in here and fucked her one more time and left it at that.
She’s at my arm before I manage to, her head ducking under it so she can block the entrance. Big fucking eyes look straight up at mine as she leans on the door. “I don’t want you to leave, Noah.”
“No? What do you want me to do then?”
“Finish what you were saying. Please.” The look of her up this close isn’t helping me think about talking. I can smell her perfume, almost feel her in my hands. And she knows just what she’s doing now. Clever. Direct. Challenging. Maybe she likes these nerves on me, or maybe she just wants to hear that one word that I’m not getting out.
I smile a bit for the first time, watching her watch me. “You sure you want more talk? We could go for action first.”
“Which is harder?”
“The thought of action is making me harder.” She giggles and pulls in a breath, still keeping her eyes with mine. “But I’m damn sure you know the answer to that question anyway.” My fingers reach for her neck slowly, one of them running down the side of her fine, smooth skin until it dips into the hollow of her collar bone. “You want to hear talk about love, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she says, shivering.
My finger keeps travelling until it hooks under the bra strap and tugs sideways. “I don’t know what that is, Neve. Haven't ever been on the receiving end of it like you have.”
She licks her lips, looks down as I keep dragging the strap and shirt from her shoulder. “I think you do,” she murmurs. Pretty sure she’s right about that, especially considering these nerves of mine. But I can’t help myself but have a taste of that expensive skin to deflect the thought, and I dip my head down to lick gently back up to her ear.
Fuck, she tastes good. Still.
“I’m not wearing suits for you,” I murmur, running kisses along her chin. “Or being something I’m not.” My hands are pulling her along the hall before she manages to talk, and I’m heading for the bedroom to see if I can change her mind about words. “You take me, then you take me exactly the way I am. Maybe then we can live a little more like normal people do.”
