“She’s been in Chicago?” I question.
“Yes. Landon sent her there after the funeral. For safety. Good job too. She spent most of her time here in the east wing,” she says, wrapping her arms around Scott’s waist as they head out of the room. Landon lets them pass before walking over to the French doors that lead out onto the patio area.
I should go with them. I’ve not seen Mum, and I know I have to explain why I’ve been missing. I will, I vow. Just … I can’t today. Not yet.
“I’ll go and find Blake,” Ivy says, looking at me. “I’ll say goodbye if we decide to leave.”
Small steps, I say to myself. Small steps.
Landon remains staring out of the window, and I walk over to join him. “I was thinking of going to the hospital.”
“Why?” he questions.
“To see Noah.”
“He’s not there.”
“What do you mean?” I push his arm, forcing him to look at me and give me an explanation. He was shot. He’s got nowhere else to be apart from the hospital.
“He discharged himself.”
“What? How? Why?” I trip over the questions as the worry of Noah alone runs through my mind. “I should go and see him. Help him, even.”
“Give him some space, Neve.”
“Why? What have you said to him?” I thought we were in a good position after our conversation in the car. Of course, that’s assuming Noah ever wants to see me again. He said we wouldn’t, but he can’t mean that, surely. A thread of uncertainty uncoils in my stomach. I might have hoped he wasn’t so stubborn or would change his mind, but hope isn’t a lot to bet the rest of your life on.
“Nothing negative. The man’s been shot. Just … give him some time.”
“Is he home? Is he at least okay?”
“He’s fine, for a fucking stubborn bastard who doesn’t know better,” Landon gruffs.
“You can’t stop me seeing him, you know.” He doesn’t need to know that Noah might not want to see me.
“I know. Are you going home tonight?” His question reminds me about Murph. He’s probably never going to forgive me. He’ll be surviving on crumbs by now.
“I need to,” I muse. Although seeing Murph will be good, I feel like something is missing – some unfinished business. Maybe because of Ivy, or Noah, or that I’ve not dared to face Mum. Maybe going home will be best.
“There are still some interviews to finalise to ensure DCI Jenkins is out of our hair. I’ll contact you when I need you.” He turns to walk out of the conservatory.
“Landon?” I reach for his arm as he walks by. “Are we okay? What Scott said earlier, there was some truth in it. Lewis might have turned into a monster, but he was our family.”
“The Brodericks have survived generations and will continue to thrive. That’s my job to ensure. When the dust has settled, perhaps you can make your own decisions as to any recompense you feel is owed to the Davis family.” He shrugs his jacket back into position and leaves.
~
It’s late when the taxi drops me outside of my flat, which right now feels nothing like home.
As I push through the door, a disgruntled Murph makes his presence known, meowing furiously at me. “Okay, okay.” I see about feeding him before surveying the place.
Once he’s settled down and purring at his bowl, I venture around the small rooms. The place is a mess still – more reminders of Lewis and what I’ve endured these last few weeks. The wreckage seems so bleak, so significant, but I can’t let this break me. After everything, a little mess won’t defeat me. The best payback is to prove that I’m stronger than Lewis ever gave me credit for. Picking the pieces back up and moving forward.
I wish Noah were here. Or that I was at Noah’s. His little cottage felt more like home than this place. Simple. Easy. A pang in my chest forces my breath to catch in my throat. I miss him. Somewhere along our crazy journey, my feelings infected my heart, and now I can’t switch them off. I don’t want to switch them off.
Those few hours where time stood still and I was going to stay with him, stay at the farm, seem a lifetime ago. But I want that back.
One step at a time.
