“Clearly not, if you’re turning me down.”
“I’m not turning you down. Can’t we compromise? Can’t I fix the mess with my family and then look at us?” I plead.
“We’re an us now?”
“You were asking me to move in with you? Noah, this is my whole life on the line. Despite everything with my family, they are who they are. Family. And I can’t just give them up and let them think that I killed my own father for the rest of my life. You of all people should understand that.” It’s a low blow, and I regret it instantly. “I’m sorry.”
“You know what, don’t.” His face scowls, his eyes narrowing. “Don’t pretend. I’m nothing but a criminal to you. You might slum it with me, but you’re not serious. Don’t know what I was fucking thinking. You’re a Broderick, after all.”
Fire and ice. That’s what we’re like. Burning passion that engulfs and consumes you until there’s nothing but that heat. And then, cold, hard ice that freezes everything in its wake. No room for love or kindness. Two extremes. Maybe we are different, but that’s not a reason for us to be apart.
“You’re being stubborn. Why can’t I fix this problem and then move in? Then I won’t need to stay hidden away like a secret.” My protest sounds more desperate because I am. And, I’m hurting. That’s the last thing I’d expect from this. Wasn’t it supposed to be easier at some point?
“That’s the thing, Neve, I don’t want your brother or your family in my business. You say you want to stay, well you should fucking know that I don’t want people in my business. You’ve not changed that about me, and I’m not going to change for you.”
“It looks like we’re back to square one, then.”
“You’re not fucking going after Lewis. I swear, I’ll tie you up and gag you, and not in the fun way.” His eyes blaze, but I’m furious, too. Why can’t he see this any other way?
“Which only leaves you taking me to my family.”
“Well, you said you wanted to clear your name.”
“Not with nothing to prove my innocence. God, do we have to do this again?” Exhaustion hits me, and I know I won’t win this argument. It’s either black or white for Noah. Nothing grey in sight.
“No, but you've fucking chosen them. So that’s your only option now.” His jaw is rigid, and I know he’s not backing down. Nothing has gone right today, and I wish we could have just stayed in that bed, drinking beer and not worrying about anything else.
But that’s just a memory now. Noah won’t change his mind. His pride is at stake, and I can see I’ve hurt him. So, I'll have to hope that I was wrong about him.
Wrong about our differences.
Chapter Nineteen
NOAH
She’s quiet this morning. Not surprising, I guess. She’s got a lot of explaining to do to a family that's probably going to tear her to shreds. Can’t even look at me as she finishes her tea and stares at the old ashes in the fireplace. Not sure how I feel about that, but it’s done now. Not my business either way anymore. She’s made her decision, and she’s going home. Whatever this was, is over.
“You ready?” I ask, pulling my leather jacket on.
“No,” she mumbles.
I lean back on the sofa, my gaze focusing on the doorway. “It’s not going away, Neve. Time to face up to it. You’ll work it through.”
She doesn’t answer. She stays exactly where she is as if trying to stall time down to no movement at all. Not gonna work. One way or another, she’s going home, even if I have to force her out of my life to make it happen. Tried the other way, she rejected it - rejected me. “You’ve got five minutes. I’ll meet you at the car.”
I push off the sofa and walk out into the air, leaving the door open for her. She’s packed already. I did it for her, made sure every last bit of her shit was bundled into her backpack and then opened the windows in the hope that it would get rid of her perfume in my space. It won’t, and even if it does, it won’t stop the memory of her staying with me. Doesn’t matter now, though. That’s just something I’m gonna have to deal with.
Birds are chirping out here today. Probably pleased with themselves that they got their chicks all fed up and fledged back in the summer. Simple fucking life they’ve got, really. Fuck, breed, engineer the healthiest kids they can, and then send them on the way so they can do it all again next year. Must be nice. No care about whether they’re right for each other or not, just two birds choosing what they think works.
I look at a few of them flying about, watch them dive in and out of the hedgerow around the garden. Simple. Honest. Hard working. Even when the depths of winter come along, they'll strive for life, gripping tightly to bare branches and hope.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
I look back at the sound of her voice, watch as she opens the door to the car sullenly. What is there to say other than that? Nothing really. I gave her options, and she’s still choosing to go home. No point in talking about anything else but that.
Sliding into the car next to her, I start the engine, ready to get this over with. Not that I am ready for her leaving in reality. It’s confusing my thoughts as I pull out along the lane and head for the main road. Perfume’s still here, and the sight of her fine fingers and legs still play with my sanity.As we pull out towards the motorway, I glance down at them briefly, remembering them over my shoulders. Gripped me tight as fuck. As did those fingers when they latched into my hair and she finally let go of all that prim and proper shit she’s lived in.
My head shakes the visual off, hands reaching for the radio to flick it on. I need to think of something else – anything else. The sound of some old seventies tunes starts ringing around the car, which instantly takes me back to my excuse of a childhood. There were times back then when life was alright. Mum and Dad danced around, probably off their face, but it’s a decent memory. They laughed sometimes, made us feel like a unit. It even brings on a visual of a playground, of Stefan and me kicking a football around before life went south.
