The words stop, and I guess he’s finished reporting to Big Brother, but no matter how much I try to pull myself together before he gets back to me, I can't.
“How could you?” I ask, through the sobs now wracking my body. He just stands there in front of me, his body leaning on the side of the sofa. “The one thing I asked, and you’ve betrayed me.” I pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them.
“Grow up, Neve. You’re looking for Lewis, and we’ve had no more leads. Apart from a mysterious sighting and now a fire at Tallington. It wasn’t you, so who else do you know who has motive?”
“You think Lewis went there?” I sniff out.
“What do you fucking think? He’s not come after you again, so now the rest of the family is next on the list. Don't be stupid.”
“You didn’t warn them? If he can get to the stables, he can get to the house.” Panic begins to creep up my spine. Did I get all of this wrong? Should I have gone to my family first?
“I’ll make sure Landon ups security, but we’ll be there tomorrow morning. I’ll ask for the security footage and see if I can identify him. He’s fucked up, so he’s getting desperate.”
“That’s not a good thing, Noah,” I whisper.
He gets up and goes towards the stairs.
“You're out of options, Neve. Time to come clean and hope they understand. That’s the only play you have left.”
“Where are you going?” I sit up and follow him.
“I’m going for a piss.”
“Why are you being like this?” He rolls his eyes and turns away from me. “No. You don’t get to act this way with me. I felt there was something between us last night. I just don’t understand why you’re being such a bastard now?”
“I’ve always been a bastard. Glad you’ve finally recognised that.” He turns to go up the stairs, but I can’t leave it like this.
“No. I don’t believe you. You believed me – you believed in me and what I told you. You must have, and you know I saw Lewis. There’s too much on the line for you. You don’t get to throw that away now just because-”
“Whatever this was between us is over,” he snarls. “It always had an end date, no matter what happened, so don’t get hysterical with me now.” We both stand on the landing waiting for the next words, but I can't find any. “How did you really see this playing out, Neve? Lewis in cuffs at the police station and us going to meet Landon for fucking champagne? Come on. You’re a smart girl. It's time to be a grown-up and face your family, as you should have in the first place.” He turns and slams the door to the bathroom in my face.
I stand in shock and stare at the door.
More tears flow down my cheeks because everything he's said is right. I hadn’t looked too far ahead on my mission to get Lewis to pay for his crimes. I was tunnel-vision on finding him, perhaps hoping that getting him in my grasp would magically resolve everything. And realising that there was something between me and Noah … God, can I even believe those feelings? What an utterly ridiculous situation. After everything that Lewis taught me, I’ve gone and fallen for someone who only wanted to sleep with me because that was all I had to offer for his service.
I retreat to the bedroom and crash down onto the bed.
And cry.
Ugly, heartbroken, devastated tears trying to shed all of the pain and grief that I’ve bottled up for the last few weeks. My fists smash down into the mattress, and I pummel it with my arms, wearing myself out. The anger towards Lewis, the disappointment at myself, the bitter heartbreak from Noah, but most of all, the fear of facing my family with my guilt and nothing else to show for my actions.
How did I get here?
In my head, I imagine Noah coming through the door, cradling me in his arms and telling me that it will be okay – that he’ll be by my side and hold my hand while I confess to my family. But that’s a daydream that’s shattered like the rest of my life. No. He's made his feelings clear, and who am I to assess what I’m really feeling for him, anyway. He showed me what good sex is like, nothing more.
Nothing more.
I repeat the words until my arms tire and my throat goes dry from crying.
There’s nothing left to give.
I’m done.
Tomorrow I’ll have to face them. All of them.
And all I can hope is that I have enough strength to get through it.
Chapter Seventeen
